Matt Hayes of the Sporting News sees Virginia Tech as a program firmly entrenched in decline. I tend to agree, but to me, the biggest reason is one that Hayes doesn’t even mention: glitter on their helmets. That’s right. Virginia Tech has glittery helmets. Intimidating. Anyway, Hayes says Pitt and WVU passed them in the Big East, they ran off to the ACC, and now, the future is just not all that bright. The ACC is a bigger pond with bigger fish, and the program that Frank Beamer built might not be able to hack it anymore. I can’t envision Tech winning a conference championship or playing in a big-time bowl anytime soon. With that, recruiting takes a hit. With that, everything goes down hill. But other than that, I’m sure the ACC will be a lot of fun for them.

Tremendous. Now I have to boycott milk. Archie, Peyton, and Eli have signed up to do a “got milk?” ad. This is right up Eli’s alley, as he’s no stranger to having creamy white substances smeared across his upper lip. For those of you looking for something new to put on your dartboard, it’ll be available on September 10th in USA Today.

I think I just became lactose-intolerant. I’m never drinking milk again. I will develop osteoporosis and live like Samuel L. Jackson in Unbreakable before I ever buy an Eli-endorsed product. This is great. I can’t wait until next season when Al Davis sponsors air.

I’m sure you’ve seen or heard about this crazy bastard by now. The crazy ex-priest with an apparent leprechaun fetish jumped on the track towards the end of the marathong and tackled the leader, eventually causing him the lose the race and finish third. Like so many young boys across the world, Vanderlei de Lima was screwed by a priest. He now wants a duplicate gold.

He’s got a legitimate beef, but he’s not going to get his gold. I think it’s the right decision. It’s a tough break, and it’s terribly unfair, but you can’t give him a gold if you can’t say with 100% certainty that he would’ve won anyway. He might not have. The good news for him is that the can go to sleep at night with a bronze medal and the knowledge that he was the fastest marathoner in the world at the 2004 Olympics. He just can’t have a gold medal. I think Paul Hamm should give him his.

They extinguished the giant joint last night, officially ending the Olympics… which is sad, since there are really no other sports going on right now. So let’s drag out the Olympic discussion, shall we? I’d like to hear from the rest of the gang here about their single favorite moment from the Olympics. I’ve got a few nominees.

- The unfortunate shoulder/arm hair of Spanish basketballer Roberto Duenas. Remember the Throwin’ Bows All-Ugly Edition? Scrap it, because it’s incomplete. This cat makes Tyrone Hill look like Taye Diggs. He doesn’t have body hair, he’s got fur. Thank goodness Spain didn’t medal… a medal may have actually gotten lost in his chest hair.

- I’m sure I’m the only one who remembers it, but the U.S. Synchronized Swimming team did this thing where they were all upside down, and it looked like someone was twisting them into the water with a screwdriver. It was done perfectly, and it just looked awesome. Yes, I watched synchronized swimming… and you can blow me.

- Rulon Gardner taking off the shoes. Just a great great moment. Rulon has always seemed like such a good guy, such a genuine guy, who dedicated his life to becoming great at something, and left his mark on it. His tears are one of the things that’ll stick in my mind from these games.

- The U.S. 4×400 relay team winning by like 12 minutes.

- Greek gymnastics fans going nuts when the Russian guy got flipped over and hammered dry by the judges. Man, the Greeks, when actually there watching, can get fired up about some gymnastics. No group of people have been that united by rage at a sporting event since the Eagles passed on Ricky Williams (and hey, good call, Eagles fans). And it was completely justified… the judges during that high-bar event had clearly been hitting the Ouzo pretty hard. I had 0 rooting interest in that particular event, since I want to push Paul Hamm down a flight of steps, and I was a little fired up, too. Ups to the Greek gymnastics fans.

- Dominican Felix Sanchez winning the 400m hurdles and immediately being nicknamed Felix “Dirty” Sanchez. By me.

And my personal favorite…

- Mia Hamm, Brandi Chastain, Julie Fowdy, Kristine Lilly, and Joy Fawcett winning the gold. The Fab 5, or, as I like to call them, the only reasons I ever watched soccer, came together and laid a beatdown on the world one last time. Their rendition of the national anthem as they stood on the medal podium kinda typified this team for me… they truly liked each other, truly liked being together, and just seemed like a fun, goofy, group of people, who, for a while, couldn’t be beat. They did more for women’s soccer than anyone ever has, and every female soccer player in the world should go ahead and send them a thank-you card. They deserved to go out on top.

Anyone else?