For $9.95, you can get streaming video of just about every NCAA tournament game over the internet. That’s a pretty good deal. If I wasn’t planning on completely blowing off work for at least one of the two opening tournament days, I’d consider it. The $9.95 deal is good until February 9th.

CBS president Sean McManus is worried that it could hurt office productivity. And if you’re an employer, come on… do the right thing and let your employees watch some basketball in the afternoon. It’s maybe the best two sporting days of the year, and about the only two that fall on weekdays. Let them have it.

And chances are, they weren’t going to be doing any real work anyway. If you deprive them of March Madness, they’re going to be unhappy employees end up hating you. From that point on, they will spend the rest of their careers stealing office supplies, making compies of their bare asses any chance they get, engaging in subtle forms of sexual harassment, spreading rumors about the boss’s homosexuality, and doing just enough work so that they don’t get fired. Long-term, it’s better for productivity to let people watch basketball.

Weird story. Ashley McElhiney, former stud point guard at Vanderbilt, had led the ABA’s Nashville Rythm to a 17-7 record before being fired by this crazy bitch last night. McElhiney is the first ever female coach of a men’s pro basketball.

McElhiney was told to bench Matt Freije by the owner, for some reason. Frieje had just been released by the Charlotte Bobcats, and signed a two-game contract with the Nashville Rhythm. McElhiney refused to bench him… and being 17-7, I’m taking McElhiney’s word that Freije gave them the best chance to win the game.

Freije was playing, and owner Susan Anthony actually physically came down to the court in the third quarter. She started yelling at the coach, and told her she was fired, until security was able to restrain her and get her off the court.

A few things combine to make this all even weirder:

- Susan Anthony is also a recording artist, and a terrible one at that. She has a website, and she has some songs on there, and they suck. One track in particular opens with about 30 seconds of her doing some heavy breathing. I can’t comment on the rest of the track because there’s no fucking way I’m listening to all of it.

- After the game, Anthony threatened to fold the team if any player decided to support McElhiney on the issue. “If they’re willing to stick their neck out for Ashley, and that would be dumb, I would fold the team right now,” the crazy bitch said.

- She may not even be able to fire her. She owns 1/3rd of the team, and didn’t consult either of the other two owners.

- Also after the game, she got into an incident with the brother of injured Rhythm player Adam Sonn. She allegedly shoved him, gave him the finger, and cursed at him.

- Later that night, Susan Anthony fell down some stairs and ended up in the hospital. Someone asked her about a 911 phone call related to the incident, and she said, ”I was picked up last night. That’s all I’m going to say about that.” Okie Dokie.

If I was a bigger tennis fan, Lleyton Hewitt would probably be the athlete I would most hate… So I wasn’t at all disappointed when I woke up saw that Marat Safin beat his ass in the finals of the Australian Open.

Hewitt is the douchebag who…

1) Called the Australian public stupid
2) Complained about the playing surface in the Australian Open, because it didn’t suit his game
3) Once called an official “spastic”
4) Acts like an asshole on the court, and of course…
5) Said some completely ignorant racist things against a match with James Blake.

Even while losing, he managed to be a sanctimonious prick. “You knocked off the guy who’s nearly been impossible,” he said to Safin afterwards. Who are you, Freddie Mitchell? At least we can all laugh at Freddie Mitchell. Hewitt, unfortunately, is much more talented and a far bigger douche, making it harder to laugh at him.

Call me old-fashioned, but… aren’t TV analysts supposed to remain impartial? I get that Ron Jaworski is rooting for the Eagles. That’s cool. I don’t expect him to turn off all human emotions and just forget that he ever played for the Eagles. Jaws likes the fans, he likes the city, and while I have no idea why he would, that’s fine.

But if he’s going to come out and publicy state that he’s rooting for the Eagles… then I don’t think he should be on TV talking about the game. If he wants to be a fan, he can buy a ticket, get a McNabb jersey, and sit in the stands with everyone else. I like Jaws, but I don’t think it’s cool for him to be on NFL Matchup saying, “You’ll see the safety bite on the play action, and Todd Pinkston reads it, and adjusts his route, and I really hope Donovan McNabb throws it to him and they score a touchdown, because I love really love them. And I’m sure they will score, because Andy Reid is a great coach, and a better person. He is a terrific listener, and I’ve always found his chest to be soft, warm, and comforting. I wish he was my girlfriend.” No one wants to hear that.

Not that that’s news to anyone. But for some reason, Freddie Mitchell decided to take a verbal shot at the Patriots secondary, saying that he didn’t even know their names. I don’t doubt that. Freddie may not be able to read. He also said he “has something for Rodney Harrison.” I hope it’s an autograph request, because Rodney Harrison will not hesitate to hurt you. He will do extensive physical damage to your body, and he will do it easily and without remorse.

Freddie Mitchell would be funny, if it wasn’t so sad. I don’t know where Freddie Mitchell got the idea that he was good. Yeah, you want your players to be confident, and there’s nothing wrong with them thinking they’re the best… but there should at least be some little possibility of truth to it. I mean, if you’re the Knicks, you want Stephon Marbury to say he’s the best point guard in the league. But you don’t want Bruno Sundov thinking he’s the best center in the league. No good comes from that. Freddie Mitchell is more Bruno Sundov than Stephon Marbury.

Freddie Mitchell had 22 catches this year. 22. Six New England Patriots had more than 22 catches this year. Twenty-two… that puts him lower on the receptions list than such luminaries as: Clarence Moore, Randy Hymes, Tai Streets, Derrick Armstrong, Az Hakim, Kelley Washington, Kevin Curtis, Shaun McDonald, Derrius Thompson in the vaunted Miami passing game, and Terry Glenn, who played in 6 games this year. If Freddie Mitchell works hard, he could one day be as good as some of the guys on this list. That is, if Rodney Harrison allows him to live that long.

With Stephon Marbury playing his former employers this week, who are excelling in his absence, there’s been a lot of talk about the possibility of him ever playing for a winning team. Most seem to think it isn’t possible.

And a lot of the talk is justified. The time he’s spent in Jersey and Phoenix hasn’t exactly been a clinic in a team-first mentality. He’s been a shoot-first player, there’s no doubt about that. And you look at the fact that both teams have had a lot more success as soon as he leaves, and it’s easy to label him a loser. But I’m not sure I buy it.

The Jersey teams he played for were awful. Just terrible. I don’t care was playing point for those teams, be it Stephon Marbury, Magic Johnson, or Moose from Arch Rivals, those teams weren’t going anywhere. Yes, they got better when Marbury left, but… adding Jason Kidd, Kenyon Martin, and Richard Jefferson didn’t hurt the Nets turnaround, either. They gave Marbury Keith Van Horn and told him to win games. Good luck with that.

And it’s a similar deal with Phoenix. They added Steve Nash, Amare Stoudamire made huge improvements, Shawn Marion’s gotten better, and don’t underestimate the contributions of guys like Joe Johnson and Q Richardson. And, of course, Mike D’Antoni. Yeah, teams have gotten better when Starbury left… but not because Starbury left.

As much as anyone, I believe a point guard should be there to distribute, to put other guys in good positions to score, and facilitate an offense. I don’t believe that Stephon Marbury can’t do that. He’s one of the league’s leaders in assists. When there’s a pass to be made, he’ll make it. But how many times in New Jersey, Phoenix, or New York has someone else been a better scoring option than Marbury?

This is not like Steve Francis refusing or being unable to get that ball into the post. It’s a case of “What’s the best option for the team?” Stephon Marbury shooting himself, or Stephon Marbury trying to set up Kurt Thomas or Tim Thomas? Shooting-first and passing second isn’t a good mentality for a point guard, but it’s not always born out of an ability to pass, but rather, a poorly constructed team. Does anyone think Steve Nash would be getting to the NBA Finals if he was the point guard of the Knicks this year?

I’ll take Stephon’s 8.5 assists per game. I’ll take his almost 3-to-1 assist/turnover ratio. And oh yeah, his 20 points per game.

A state senator in Oklahoma wants chickens to wear boxing gloves so they can stage non-lethal cockfights. That was a difficult sentence to type. With every keystroke, my belief in the goodness and rationality of my fellow human beings waned. I need a nap.

State Senator Frank Shurden, who is described in this article as “a longtime defender of cockfighting,” says that… Y’know what, fuck it. I’m not finishing this sentence. The fact that there is an elected official in the United States who is “a longtime defender of cockfighting” makes me want to tear my own heart out of my chest and leave this cruel world.

HE WANTS FUCKING CHICKENS TO WEAR BOXING GLOVES. THE MAN WANTS CHICKENS TO WEAR BOXING GLOVES SO HE CAN WATCH THEM FIGHT.

I can’t say anymore. Let’s just quote the man.

“Who’s going to object to chickens fighting like humans do? Everybody wins.”

“To me it answers everything. It saves the industry, takes blood sport out and generates revenue for Oklahoma.”

“Let the roosters do what they love to do without getting injured.”

Wow.

And I’m not happy about it. I’m been a longtime fan of the Cardinals uniforms. Very simple… maroon and white, with a sharp-looking bird. Clean, crisp, well-executed. And they’re going to change it.

The chance isn’t as drastic as it could’ve been. It’s just kinda like they took their old cardinal, put him on steroids, and caught him for a photo op right before he went into a ‘roid rage.

“The outline is in black,” Michael Bidwill said. “We’ve made the beak much more predatory and much more aggressive. The face is much more streamlined. It’s faster looking. The eye has been described as mean, we’ll say tough. We’ve taken tail feathers and given them speed, as well.”

Sometimes, a team identity change can be good. If a team’s been losing forever, they need to change the entire vibe, and there’s not a ton of history and tradition behind the logo, then sure. I can see it. If I took over the Bengals tomorrow, I’d change everything… the entire color scheme, logo, uniforms… all of it. That team needs to cut ties with the past.

But owners who think their logo is going to be more intimidating, like this Bidwill chap… I don’t understand that. Teams are not intimidated by scarier logos. A “predatory beak” is not going to cause the Seattle Seahawks defense to cower in fear. They do enough of that on their own.

Logos and uniforms don’t intimidate. The Boston Celtics have won 16 world championships with a pudgy, drunk, pipe-smoking Irishman as their logo. Logos and uniforms do not intimidate. Championship banners do.

I don’t have much to say about it, but as you might imagine… Dr. Z. sharing his personal favorite memories from covering 37 years of Super Bowls is worth a read.

I don’t know what to make of this. I think the Nuggets definitely need a coach to get in their faces and point out some of their deficiencies. George Karl is certainly not afraid to call a player out, in private, or in public.

So that’s a plus. But here’s the downside: When’s the last time George Karl got as much out of a team as the talent indicated he should? It certainly wasn’t when he had Ray Allen, Sam Cassell, and Glen Robinson in Milwaukee. And it certainly wasn’t when he was coaching Team USA in the 2002 World Championships. I think every good player who’s ever played for him ended up hating him.

I just don’t know what experience he has that indicates he can take a bunch of different parts, and mold them into one cohesive team… and that’s exactly what the Nuggets need right now. It’s a team that features Carmelo Anthony, Kenyon Martin, Marcus Camby, Andre Miller… and on a lot of nights, it seems like Earl Boykins is their best player. I love Earl Boykins, but that’s not a good thing for the Nuggets.

They aren’t perfectly-matched parts. It’s not a team that’s been built precisely, with one specific style of play in mind. San Antonio’s like that, Detroit is like that, Phoenix is like that. The Nuggets are not. George Karl has to find a way to compensate for that.