This is about the last thing you want to see your team experiencing in the middle of a potential title run. It’s just unthinkable… Seriously, it would hurt the team less if Chauncey Billups was arrested yesterday for the rape of a dyslexic Canadian moose. It would do less damage to the team than these rumors, perhaps facts, of Larry Brown bolting for a front office job in Cleveland.

He’s still sticking to his story that he wants to coach the Pistons next year, but first has to make a decision about his health. “If I’m healthy, my goal is to be the coach of the Detroit Pistons. That’s the only thing that’s really real.”

I’d like to believe him… but the rumblings are really strong. First in the New York Times, and now Chad Ford of ESPN is saying that he’s telling people he’s taking the job. If it’s true or not, it’s a fucking nightmare for the Detroit basketball team. This is not the time you want this to happen.

The mountain that Detroit has to climb for Game 4 just got a lot taller. We will see how they respond.

I don’t know how ESPN will ever replace the ratings they got from the National Hockey League. Professional bowling, fireman competitions, spelling bees, soccer, LPGA tournaments, test patterns, and a 2-hour “Stuart Scott Interacts With Actual Black People” special are options that are being considered.

Anyway… hockey done fucked up now. They could return to ESPN (2) but at a drastically reduced rate. And if they don’t return at all… well, they might as well be the AHL.

The one way that this could turn into a positive is if the owners go back to the players now and say, “Hey… ESPN doesn’t even want us. You still need $8 million a year, douchebag?” Perhaps that could spur contract talks to be a little more productive.

I think ESPN should just say fuck hockey, and put some energy into promoting soccer. And I’m serious. If they need a sport to fill that gap, I’d like to see it be soccer. I’m not a big fan of the sport currently, but… it does kinda bug me that the United States sucks at it. 99% of my life, I’m very much a non-patriotic kinda guy, but I still want us to whoop ass in international competitions.

Last night, a friend and I were discussing how the best young athletes here don’t consider playing soccer as a profession… so as a potential solution, we suggested that when an American high school kid declares for the NBA draft and flames out, he should then be forced to learn to play soccer. If in two years, he’s not on an NBA roster, he’s got to pick up soccer. That would certainly upgrade the athleticism of the team.

Bill Simmons didn’t like it. Roger Ebert had a pretty strange review of it. He saw it three weeks ago, and wrote a somewhat positive review. Then he went to the Cannes Film Festival, saw some legitimately great films, and then thought to himself, “How the fuck did I give The Longest Yard a thumbs-up?”

I’ve never seen the original. And any movie with Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Nelly, and Damon from Friday After Next… well I’m excited about. I plan to see both.

I’m just kinda curious, though, about which one I should see first? Any opinions from people who have seen both, or either one? I’d appreciate some assistance…