I think it would be hard to argue that Hines Ward is a selfish guy. Hines doesn’t grandstand, he doesn’t bitch if he doesn’t get the ball, he just shows up every day and goes to work. He loves to block. He loves to hit. He goes over the middle. He is the consumate team guy.

Which is what makes this so interesting. I think it makes it clear that you don’t have to be a selfish guy, or a bad guy, or a mercenary to be an NFL holdout. The NFL’s contracts are unfair… I mean, there are 6-year-old Vietnamese girls making Air Jordans that have better deals than NFL players. The average span of an NFL career is 3.2 years. Major injury is risked on almost every snap. And guys are supposed to sign for non-guaranteed money?

And not only that… but look at it in comparison to other sports. The Knicks signed Jerome James, who has been, most of the time, as lazy and underachieving as anyone in the history as sports… $6 million per year, guaranteed, for five years. Hines Ward doesn’t have a prayer of seeing that kind of money.

I have no idea how the NFLPA got stuck with saw a raw deal, but… it happened, and I guess they have to live with it. If a holdout is the only way a player can get some leverage, I think you’d have to be crazy to call him selfish for it. Hines has proved that he’ll go out there and break his back for the team, and clearly deserves to be paid as one of the top receivers in the game. The Steelers have a history of not giving in on such things, and I wouldn’t expect them to blink here. We’ll see what happens… but it’s probably not good news for Ben Roethlisberger or the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Kobe has joined Tiger Woods and LeBron James among those athletes to whom Nike has given their own logo. I’ve taken the liberty of capturing it from the Nike website, and highlighting it for you in a little circle there to your right.

Now, maybe it’s just me… but doesn’t that look a little bit… well… um… phallic? Call me crazy, but that’s what I see. An upside-down twig and berries. Considering recent happenings concerning Kobe, I’d think they would have gone with something that looks a little bit less like a cock.

Of course, if none of the rest of you see that, I’m going to feel quite silly… and more than a little bit gay. But it’s the first thing I thought when I saw it… the twig, the berries… erect, and turned upside down.

I realize that I’m setting myself up for numerous gay jokes by even posting this… but hey… screw you for judging me.

Before their press conference later today, I got the chance to sit down with Larry and Isiah. Here’s the transcript of that interview.

mjd: Isiah, you have a long track record of completely fucking up everything you touch. Hiring one of the most successful coaches in NBA history seems like a slam dunk, so how do you plan to turn it into an unmitigated disaster?

Isiah Thomas: I think that question is fair, and you’re right, I have a number of things in mind. I don’t really want to go into any specifics right now, but have you seen our roster?

mjd: Yes.

IT: Then draw your own conclusions.

mjd: Isiah, was it difficult for you to leave Herb Williams twisting in the wind all summer long? Did you have any moral issues with that?

IT: Well, I didn’t have any moral issues with causing an entire basketball league to cease to exist, did I? Do you know how many CBA employees I put out of work? So as you might have guessed, no, I have no problems with screwing with Herb Williams.

mjd: Isiah, has Larry asked you to trade Stephon Marbury?

IT: No, absolutely not.

mjd: So Steph will be your starting point guard on opening night?

IT: Well, I didn’t say that.

mjd: But–

IT: Alright, here’s the truth. Larry didn’t ask me to trade Stephon, he asked me to murder him. Okay, is that what you want to hear? It’s true. Larry Brown asked me to break into Stephon Marbury’s house, and, to quote Larry, “go all OJ on his no-passing ass.”

mjd: Larry, is that true?

Larry Brown: Yes, it’s true. I want him dead. Preferably with a double-tap to the back of the head. It’s important to me that Isiah does it the right way.

mjd: Larry, why take the Knicks job now?

LB: Well, it’s just a great situation for me. I grew up loving the Knicks, and I’ve always said this is my dream job. And Isiah and I have the same goal.

mjd: What is that goal?

LB: To win a championship.

mjd: You mean here, in New York?

LB: HaHaHaHaHa… no, are you kidding me? Have you seen this group? My team of doctors at the Mayo Clinic beat the Knicks in a pick-up game this summer. I’m serious. The Knicks even had a 5-on-4 advantage… one of the guys had to leave when his beeper went off and he had to go give Lenny Wilkens an emergency prostate exam.

mjd: I don’t know what that means.

LB: (shrug)

mjd: So, if the goal isn’t to win a championship here in New York, then where?

LB: Oh. In San Antonio. Isiah gave them Nazr Mohammed, and I slipped my starting five quaaludes before games 1 and 2 of the NBA Finals.

mjd: Worked like a charm.

LB: Thank you.

mjd: So what is your goal here?

LB: Larry wanna get paid. I mean, I wanna get paid the right way. And by the right way, I mean about $10 million a year.

mjd: Larry, when you bent the Pistons over, did you do them dry, or do you feel that you used a proper amount of lubricant?

LB: Well, you know I believe in doing things the right way. And I think that applies to all aspects of life. So if I’m going to rape someone, be it an individual or an entire organization, I’m going to do my best to do it the right way. LB uses KY. That’s just how the great Dean Smith taught me.

mjd: Larry, what style of basketball do you plan to play here?

LB: Well, you know I like a tough man-to-man defensive team, and you know that I like my offense to move the ball and take good shots. But I’m also committed to the idea of playing to my players’ strengths. And looking at the team Isiah has assembled here, if we play to our strengths, I’d say you can expect most of our games to consist of eighty to ninety contested jumpshots from our guards, and we’ll then do our best to try and rebound with a group of power forwards that have to sit on phone books in their Hummers so they can see over the dash.

mjd: Larry, do you envision Nate Robinson having a big role here next year?

LB: Who the hell is Nate Robinson?

mjd: He’s a rookie guard for the Knicks.

LB: Oh. Is he foreign?

mjd: No.

LB: Then I’ll probably play him.

mjd: Larry, do you mind if we talk about Detroit for a minute?

LB: As long as you are willing to acknowledge that I did nothing wrong, and that I was in fact wronged by the Pistons and that I am the good guy in every situation that has ever occured in human history.

mjd: I think that would be kinda weird, but–

LB: Hey, you remember that time that girl forgot the words to the national anthem, and Maurice Cheeks helped her out and sang with her, and it made everyone love Mo Cheeks?

mjd: Yeah.

LB: Man, I wish that would’ve been me.

mjd: Okie Dokie.

Larry: (broad smile)

mjd: Larry, were you disappointed in the offseason when it became apparent that Cleveland was not going to hire you, and instead hired Danny Ferry to run their basketball operations?

Larry: What do you mean?

mjd: Were you disappointed that it didn’t work out?

Larry: Well, I think it’s too early to say that it didn’t work out. I just got off the phone with Dan Gilbert a little bit ago. We’re talking about another job, possibly as the team mascot, possibly as a Gund arena security guard.

mjd: Larry, didn’t you just sign a contract with the Knicks, like, a few minutes ago?

Larry: Hey, I’ve never shortchanged anybody. I’ve given the Knicks 100% of my effort in the time I’ve been here.

mjd: All fifteen minutes?

Larry: That’s right.

mjd: Drew Rosenhaus isn’t your agent, is he?

Larry: Who?

mjd: Never mind.

Larry: Listen, I gotta go. I gotta go get my resume up on monster.com and see what else is out there for me.

mjd: Thanks for your time, Larry.

Thank you, Filter.

I heard about this, but I hadn’t seen the ad… not until Eric Neel of Page 2 went way, way, way the fuck in-depth with it.

Spread across two magazine pages, on the right, there’s a black-and-white shadowy profile of Kobe Bryant against a dark gray background. On the left-hand side, it says things like:

Past your prime.
Box jumps x 3.

Ball hog.
100m run x 10.

You’re garbage.
100 made free throws.

It’s clever. It’s very Nike. Eric Neel loves it, but I have a slightly different take than he does.

The ad doesn’t explicitly mention what happened in Colorado. But it’s there. You know that’s what the ad is about. It’s about Kobe overcoming all that adversity, and working hard to get through it, and that’s great. But what the ad is saying without actually saying is:

Adultery.
Still a damn good basketball player.

Accused of rape.
I’ll drop 50 and you won’t care anymore.

Isn’t that the unspoken theme here? That’s what it feels like to me. Like Kobe’s saying, “Yes, all these things have happened to me, but since I put in the time in the gym, and since I’ll still work hard and be a great player, I’m still going to come out on top.”

And it’s true. He will. If he would happen to get the Lakers another championship, it’ll be like Colorado never happened. That’s what Nike’s telling us. And they’re right.

I hate even blogging this… I mean, if it was me, and I cried at practice, I damn sure wouldn’t want anyone to know about it. The AP reporter who put this out there is one cold-hearted bastard.

But alas… it’s on SI.com, so there’s not much point in not bloggint it. Manuel Wright, a 6’6″ 290-pound defensive end out of USC broke down in tears on Tuesday, apparently because Nick Saban was yelling at him.

That’s no good. NFL training camp is no kind of place for sensitive types. I don’t imagine this went a long way towards helping him gain the respect of teammates and coaches. Maybe Ricky Williams can smoke him up and teach him some alternative life techniques that can help him get through it.

By the way, what were the odds that someone would cry on the first day of Dolphins camp, and it wouldn’t be Ricky Williams? You couldn’t gotten pretty good odds on that. Anyway… this is on Ricky now. If anyone can help a crying teammate, it should be him. I remember seeing a bunch of Ricky Williams rookie interviews where he wanted to cry… he can help. If he’s really sorry, if he really wants to help the Dolphins… he can get in there and get Manuel’s mind right. Best of luck to you fellas.

This is amazing. In a tournament they’re calling “the Road From Bristol,” the guys at this blog have put together a 64-person tournament to find out just who is the most hated personality at ESPN.

I thought I didn’t like ESPN. These guys take it to a whole other level. I can’t even name 64 ESPN employees, let alone hate them. My dislike centers on a few personalities and a general overall attitude towards what’s important and what isn’t. As you can see here and here, for everyone that is on TV for ESPN, there’s someone that hates them.

Anyway… you can see the entire bracket, with results from the first round, here. The #1 seeds are Chris Berman, Stephen A. Smith, Stuart Scott, and Dick Vitale. Can’t go wrong with anyone of those. The 2-seeds are Lee Corso (who actually lost to Tim Legler in a huge first-round upset), Skip Bayless, Michael Irvin and Joe Morgan.

Some guys who I would have been seeded higher:

8) Paul Maguire. He was an 8, and has to go against Stephen A. in the first round. That’s too bad… Paul Maguire has Elite 8 potential. He’s like an older, more senile version of Lee Corso.

11) Al Michaels. Other than perhaps Jim Nantz and anyone who hosts a “reality show,” he’s the most self-important guy on television. His entire reason for existing is to prove to you that he is the most classy, intelligent, articulate, and, let’s face it… handsome guy on television.

6) Woody Paige. A 6-seed? There are 20 people on ESPN who are more hated than Woody Pagie? Really. I don’t believe it. I just don’t believe it.

7) Jason Whitlock. It’s not that I don’t like him… I could go either way on him. But being overweight, unattractive, black, and unafraid to talk about racism is a pretty good recipe to get yourself hated in America. I could see him pulling some upsets and getting all the way to an Elite 8 showdown against Stuart Scott.

Some people I’m surprised were seeded that high, or at all:

16) Linda Cohn. I guess a 16 is fair, but I didn’t know there was anyone out there who actually really hated Linda Cohn. She gave Vitale a hell of a run… the final voting in the first round game was Vitale 66, Cohn 51. Surprising. Probably would’ve been a lot more lopsided a victory for Vitale if she didn’t, look a little bit, well… as they describe her, “like a female John Elway.”

8) Harold Reynolds. I dunno… I could see it if there was any kind of a discernable personality there to hate. Hating Harold Reynolds is like saying you hate the taste of water.

2) Michael Irvin. I like Mike. I guess I’m one of the few. I think he’s honest, opinionated, doesn’t care about being polished, and very much not like anyone else on the set of ESPN’s Gameday.

4) William C. Rhoden. I don’t even know who that is. Of course, the same goes for Jim Donnan and Tony Reali.

7) Jay Bilas. I think he’s great at his job. As informative and knowledgeable as any commentator has ever been.

3) Mike Tirico. I think he’s pretty solid. I’ve never turned off my TV and thought, “Wow, that Mike Tirico is awesome.” But he’s never bothered me. Their breakdown makes it seem like he’s some kind of manwhore, which I’ve never noticed.

In my voting, it’s going to a Final Four of Chris Berman, Dick Vitale, Paul Maguire, and… I probably will have a hard time picking between Stuart Scott and Jim Grey. But I’d have Berman and Vitale in the finals, with a slight edge there to Vitale.

A great idea… big ups to the originators. And to the Sports Frog, where I jacked the link.

Tino Best, dirty son of a bitch that he is, has been fined 50% of his match fee for bowling “beamers” in an exciting cricket match the other day. There’s no room in the world of cricket for cheaters, asshole.

A beamer, for you xenophobes out there who don’t follow non-American sports with enthusiasm, is a ball that does not bounce on the pitch and passes the batsman at or about head height. Beamers aren’t legal, and I was getting pretty fucking tired of that Tino Best bowling the damn things. He needs his ass whooped.

As the International Cricket Council said on Tuesday, it was an offense that was not within the spirit of the game. They’re damn right it doesn’t.

On Monday, Sri Lanka won the second test by 240 runs, and they took the series 2-0.

Here’s some more cricket news for you. This story is brought to us by the Calcutta Telegraph, a paper with which all of my non-Xenophobe readers are familiar.

IHF (the Indian Hockey Federation) vice-president Narinder Batra said that Dinesh Vajpai is not eligible to contest for the position of president of the Cricket Association of Bengal. Mr. Vajpai begs to differ.

“Firstly, the government cannot issue any guidelines to any sports federation… and there is no connection between the IOA and cricket,” said Vajpai. “He’s also talking of my holding two posts. I’m just contesting for the second one. Let me get the second post, then we’ll see…”

Vajpai then added, “BITCH,” and pointed to his nutsac. It’s on now.

I’ve always felt that pole vaulting never got enough attention here in the United States. But as a recovering xenophobe, I cannot sit idly by any longer and let the majestic international sport be poo-poo’d.

Paul Burgess, the world’s top male pole vaulter, has withdrawn from next month’s world athletics championships because of a calf injury. The Australian, as you know, became the first man to clear six meters (or, as I like to say, metres) back in February.

Burgess was set to be the favorite heading into the event. Now it’s wide open for the rest of the world’s great pole vaulters.

And while we’re on the subject, I’d like to send along a heartfelt congratulations to Yelena Isinbayeva of Russia for becoming the first woman in history to clear five metres. She accomplished the feat this past weekend in London, turning the sports world on its ear.