A Turkish guy named Yilmaz won the Turkish oil wrestling championship last week, and then called for the sports to be spread all around the world. “No one can defeat Turkey,” he said. “This is our ancestral sport. God willing, oil wrestling will be brought to other countries.”

Here are the basic rules, for those of you considering a career change: Guys wear no shirts, and leather pants. They then cover themselves in olive oil, and wrestle. To win, you have to throw your opponent onto his back, or lift him in the air and take three steps. The oil, of course, makes this difficult. So to gain and advantage, a common technique is to shove your hands into the other guy’s pants and lift him like that.

If Yilmaz had ever spent much time in a San Francisco nightclub, he might not be so confident of Turkey’s ability to dominate. Stuff like that goes on all the time in various portions of America… only it’s not called oil wrestling, it’s called rough gay foreplay.

But still, the Turks remain quite proud. “It’s totally a Turkish thing,” Selim Bilginkaya said. “You can’t see it anywhere else. In Greece and Bulgaria they have things that look like it, but there’s no oil.”

Good to see that the Greeks are drawing the line somewhere. The Turks, however… hey, call it a sport if you want to, but we all know what’s going on there. Anyway, I hope it does catch on. If I was gay, I’d dominate that sport. I hope the sport goes Olympic, and Ray Lewis steps up and answers the bell for his country.