I think Ozzie Guillen just became my favorite baseball manager. A friend of his, a guy he’s known for 20 years, came into the clubhouse, and when Ozzie saw him, that’s what he said.

This may surprise you, but I don’t have any problem with that. It was a friend, he was joking with him, it was not something he said for public consumption. It was between two friends, not intended for the ears of the rest of the world, but someone heard it and reported it. Maybe it’s not the best thing in the world, but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t said worse. Today. In the last 20 minutes, even.

I’ll come clean. I have one friend in particular that I accuse of homosexuality on nearly a daily basis. If a day goes by and I haven’t accused him of sucking cock for money, I don’t sleep well. I can’t even explain why I do it… but it bugs him, and I think it’s funny.

Now, I understand that it’s not cool to use homosexuality as an insult, or to equate it with something negative. I’d never say something like that in public, and not just because I wouldn’t want to get into trouble… but because if it’s someone who could be influenced by what I’m saying, and internalize the idea that being gay is something to use as an insult, then it’s a terrible thing to say.

But only my friends ever hear it, I know they’re cool, they know I’m cool (you know anyone else who’s written short stories about a gay wide receiver), and to me, that’s what makes it alright. In the presence of anyone who wouldn’t know where I’m coming from, I just wouldn’t do it. There is a negative and hurtful message in those words, but only if it hits ears that aren’t equipped to decipher what’s happening.

The author of this column has a set of those ears. He takes Guillen to task for it, when he has no business even being a part of the conversation. The only people who have to take anything from those words are Guillen and his friend… so as far as I can tell, the only error I’m sure that Guillen made was letting people overhear something that wouldn’t have offended the recipient to whom the message was intended.

Blatantly stolen from: The Sports Frog

The Field looks pretty good at the moment, as Tiger has gotten off to a 3-over in 9-holes start. When you’re only ahead of David Duval by one on the leaderboard, well… things aren’t going your way. Of course, it’s not as bad as Thomas Levet’s +9 through 13. Good Lord… that’s an MJD score. Is he drunk?

So +3 is not good, but there’s really no major cause for alarm… if he can grind through the back nine and get back to even or +1, he’ll be in fine shape.

Really, this is the last chance of the year for someone in golf to step up and say, “Hey, I’m here, too.” Because heading into this, the PGA consisted of Tiger Woods and 100-some odd Mulkey Brothers. The Big Five, or the Big Four, or whatever they were calling it, is, for all intents and purposes, dead.

Something went down between Andy Reid and Terrell Owens at a team meeting yesterday, and Owens was sent home for a week. I’m sure he’s really broken up about it. I bet he woke up this morning, did 14,000 crunches or whatever he does, played some Madden, and is now getting some sun and laughing at the poor bastards sweating it out in camp.

“If the truth needs to be told, then that’s what I’ll do,” Owens said. “If he [Reid] wants to be a man about it and have me really go on the air and really tell the people what happened, then I can.”

Well… what are you wating for, TO? Now is not the time to get quiet… if you called Andy Reid a Craig-Stadler-looking cocksucker, please, let us know. It would be good PR for you.

The Eagles are heading into the season with their two most reliable receivers being Greg Lewis and… some other guy. Todd Pinkston injured one of his hulking legs, and Terrell Owens is a nutjob.

This is just working out beautifully. I’m not saying Owens did this on purpose, but this is great for him. He did what he had to do, he fulfilled his obligations, they are the ones who sent him home, and now, everyone has to hate him and they have to be considering trading him or getting rid of him in some manner. The longer he stays, the more incidents there are like this one, the worse it becomes for the Eagles. Which is awesome.

SI writer Arash Markazi’s been on vacation or something, and Jay Mohr’s been filling in for him on the SI website. His first couple of articles, he played it straight and tried to be a regular Joe sportswriter… and, well, they kinda sucked. I mean, they weren’t terrible, but you expect more from Jay.

This one’s better. He gets off some decent lines, such as…

The Rockies Mascot is named Dinger. He is a big, fat, purple dinosaur who sports a baby t-shirt that barely covers his nipples. According to the Web site, Dinger travels the land promoting physical fitness and literacy. Ahhh. There is nothing a dinosaur likes more than a good book. Maybe that’s why they are extinct. They were too busy reading the classics to notice the meteors falling on their heads. And — excuse me — physical fitness? Dinger looks like Barney after a bender. What is he going to teach me about fitness? How to stretch my neck before watching balls fly out of Coors Field?

Tickets for seats in (Arizona Cardinals) stadium’s upper northwest corner are listed as N/A … probably because they have never had the burden of anyone’s rear end sitting in them. The Cardinals might as well list those tickets as “What can you give us?” or “Seriously?”

Much better, Jay.

First, Madden. I’m wondering what kind of success you guys are having with the passing cone. Anyone completing like 60%? I’m hovering in the 40%-range, but my interceptions are down. Through three games of my dynasty, I’m like 41% with 6 TDs and 3 INTs.

I started a dynasty with Cleveland, traded everything I had, accumulated a ton of draft picks, and simmed the first two years. I relocated to Los Angeles, took the old Bucs gay pirate logo, and am now the Los Angeles Swashbucklers, with Matt Leinart at QB, and Reggie Bush, who is a major stud at RB. Leinart’s like an 86 in his 2nd year, and Bush came into the league as an 85.

I’ve yet to play with a QB who was rated in the 90s, or had a great receiving corps. Maybe that would help me out.

Anyway, the second thing to update… the discussion of Native American mascots continues here, with varying opinions on the subject… some of them dumb, and the rest of them mine. Sorry, perhaps that was unnecessary… but I’m just not seeing the other side to this issue. It looks like everyone’s favorite comeback is, “Hey, if an Indian is offensive, then why isn’t the fighting Irish offensive?”

My response is here, as are many other things, if it’s an issue that interests you.

Redskins owner Dan Snyder has trees in the backyard of his $10 million estate, and those trees block his view of the Potomac river. He wants to cut them down. The National Park Service said no. According to the Washington Post, Dan Snyder offerred them $25,000.

The Park Service said no, they couldn’t do that, but Snyder could make a general donation to the Park Service, unrelated to his tree problem. He did, and the tress magically disappeared.

There’s more to the story, but it ends with Snyder indeed being able to cut down most of the trees and underbrush, the Park service getting a lot of money and the promise of more in the future, and then Snyder accusing them of squeezing $100,000 grand out of him and claming that he is actually helping the environment while increasing his property value, which I’m sure is just an unintended side benefit.

You’ve really gotta watch those Park service people. Notorious thieves, they are. Fucking treehuggers.