Legendary NFL star Bob Buczkowski and his girlfriend were charged with running a prostitution ring near Pittsburgh, and are now facing drug, prostitution, corrupt organization (isn’t that kind of implied?) and other charges..

The former Pitt Panther, Arizona Cardinal, Oakland Raider, and Cleveland Brown was evidently pretty good at what he did, too. The attorney general said that he did business through ads in a weekly entertainment newspaper, and generated up to $1 million in ho and drug sales.

Not bad, Bob. I’m not going to be too hard on the guy… at least he picked something and was good at it. I mean, the guy was once a Raider, what do you want from him? Good men go to prison and learn bad things all the time; this is no different. I’d still rather hang out with him than Romanowski.

Just a tremendous find by the fellas at Deadspin… in fact, it’s the kind of thing that makes my life worth living. A British gossip magazine called PopBitch includes this little nugget on their website today…

Strangest Renee-Kenny rumour coming out of the States. The marriage fraud? His “friendship” with Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning.

I’ll be honest with you, I sometimes read about dumb shit like the Kenny Chesney/Renee Zellweger breakup. The “Most EMailed Stories” are all listed on my Yahoo homepage, I can’t avoid it. Anyway, when I heard that they were splitting up because of some “fraud,” the first thing I thought was, “Man, I wish I had a shot at Zellweger.” But the second thing I thought was, “Y’know, I bet someone’s gay.”

And of course, this is just a rumor, and a crazy, crazy rumor at that… in fact, I’ll just say it: There’s no way it’s true. But wouldn’t it be fun if it was? Wouldn’t it be great if the reason for Peyton Manning’s early season slump as that Kenny Chesney can be a real nag at home?

I hope that CBS’s halftime interview with Peyton Manning on Sunday goes something like this:

Armen Keteyian: Peyton, you guys had a great first half, how do you keep the momentum going?

Peyton: Well, we’ve just got to execute and be ready, I’m sure they’ll make some adjustments, and we will, too.

Armen Keteyian: Could Kenny Chesney be described as a good kisser?

Peyton: Well, his lips are real soft and–HEY.

(Armen Keteyian calmly holds the microphone in his face, smiling, while Peyton gets the “Uh oh” look on his face and sprints towards the tunnel. The camera moves to a shot or Archie Manning in the stands downing a bottle of Homocil. Archie then answers his cell phone, and it’s Eli on the other end asking, “Daddy, what’s gay mean?”)

By the way, don’t picture them having sex.

He’s been diagnosed with a sports hernia, something that requires surgery. But if he was to be carved up, he’d miss 8-12 weeks. Not an option for the Eagles, so he’s going to put a band-aid on it, have some soup and tough it out.

It’s admirable, I suppose, but with the injury and the decision to play through it being made public… he might as well paint a bullseye on himself. The injury is something that can get progressively worse. Said Eagles trainer Rick Burkholder, “It’s a condition where you have a lower abdominal strain, and the lower abdominal strain becomes chronic to the point where you start to have groin pain.”

The pain can get worse as the season goes on. The condition can’t, but the pain can. So I’m guessing that the game plan for every oppositing defense will read something like, “Abuse McNabb. Hit him, stretch him, do not be afraid to grab the taint area and twist. His pain is in the lower abdomen/groin area. This may mean that the contact you’ll have with him could seem slightly, well, sexual in nature. Remember, it doesn’t make you gay. Now let’s go get ‘em.”

If the NFC had more than one good team, I’d just write the Eagles off right now. Your star QB can’t scratch his ass without serious pain, the star WR hates everyone within a three-mile radius of him, and your clutch kicker has a paper-mache hamstring. Not usually the types of things on which Super Bowl dreams are built.

From America’s Finest News Source, The Onion:

New system absolutely guarantees a #1 versus #2 bowl matchup at end of season, as well as the traditional #3 versus #8, #4 versues #7, and a two-loss, #5-ranked Florida-based school versus an undefeated #12.

AP poll to be replaced by Harris poll in order to avoid another disaster like 2004′s Music City Bowl (Final: Ohio State 44, Associated Press 13)

And there are more. The Onion apparently now has a sports section, which is awesome.

This is something I had thought about before I knew this has existed. When Dan Snyder bought the Redskins, he had all the offices repainted blue and orange, because those were supposedly colors that inspired aggression. So I started thinking, if I owned a professional sports team, I’d find out what colors made dudes feel like they wanted to curl up in a warm bath and sign Sheryl Crow songs.

And sometime last year, I heard some feng shui expert on TV talking about how the combination of pink and gray was the most relaxing and calming. And I thought, if I had a team, that’s what color I’d paint the visiting entrance and locker rooms. I’d also pipe in some lavender incense and Yanni music just to fill out the vibe.

Someone at Iowa thinks along the same lines, and their visiting locker room is a soft pink. And now, some critics are saying that the use of pink demeans women, perpetuates offensive stereotypes about women and homosexuals, and that the color of the locker room puts the university in the position of supporting these things.

I say that is silliness. No one’s posted pictures of Liberace in there, no one is scribbling feminist theory essays into the locker room stalls. I never thought once that this had anything to do with pink being feminine or gay, but rather, the properties of the color pink as a potential calming agent.

My opinion isn’t a selfish one, I’m not trying to protect anything masculine, or any interest in Iowa’s football program. I don’t care if they never win another game. And I consider myself a feminist, and I’m usually the first one to point at something and call it offensive, while a lot of other dudes stand around, look at me, and think, “what a homo.” That’s fine, and I can live with that.

But not with this issue… I’m willing to listen to opposing viewpoints, but I don’t see any way that this connects to a gender or sexuality issue.

Bill Simmons and author Chuck Klosterman are having a long conversation on ESPN.com’s Page 2. You all know and love Simmons… Klosterman, I had never heard of before, but he writes about music and pop culture, and seems like a fairly hip cat. Between quoting them, and my own response… this could be a lengthy post.

Simmons: Last question: On a scale of 1 to 10, how badly do you think we’ll be skewered on message boards and snarky blogs for what just transpired over the past 7,300 words?

Klosterman: I’d probably say about 8.4, unless there happens to be a preponderance of Merton Hanks message boards that I am currently unaware of. In that case I’d go with 8.9, most of whom will be failed graduate students suggesting we’re estranged lovers (and will therefore make references to that upcoming cowboy movie starring Donnie Darko).

Well, since they asked…

Here’s what they both had to say about blogs. Now, obviously, if you’re here, you’re reading a sports blog, and this probably isn’t the only one you read. And as a writer of a sports blog, sure, I care what people think, and I took this as sort of an indirect criticism of myself. Here’s what they had to say:

Klosterman: I am not sure if I necessarily agree with the scope of your generational analysis. What will be interesting about the coming generation of people (at least if you’re a writer) is that they will have a twisted concept of what the word “media” is supposed to mean. A term you hear people use a lot these days is “New Media,” which really just means, “Electronic Media, Minus the Actual Reporting.” This is what the Internet is, mostly. I constantly see all these media blogs that just link to conventional “Old Media” articles and pretend to comment upon them, but they add no information and no ideas. They just write, “Oh, look at this terribly archaic New York Times story. Isn’t it pathetic?” But that sentiment is being expressed by someone who’s never done an interview and has no tangible relationship to journalism. It all seems kind of uncreative. My favorite blog was always chaunceybillups.blogspot.com, but I think the dude who wrote it went on some kind of sabbatical.

New Media will never replace Old Media, because New Media couldn’t exist without Old Media; they would have nothing to link to. But the net result is that all people are starting to assume that the media is inherently useless and that there is absolutely no difference between news and entertainment. This will make the coming generation even more cynical than the current one, which is mostly bad (but not necessarily tragic).

Simmons: I liked your point about New Media. Everyone keeps talking about the Blog Revolution, but what does that even mean? If you were in film school and wanted to make movies for a living, would you create a movie from scratch, or would you just make documentaries about other filmmakers and how much they stunk? You’d make the movie from scratch, right? Well, what’s the point of writing about people who write about sports/movies/politics/music if you’re not backing up your words with your own columns or features? How do you have credibility then? I could write for a living, I just choose to rip everyone else. What? How does that make sense? What’s the ultimate goal there? Why not come up with your own material, angles and thoughts? Wouldn’t that be more rewarding? How do you get better? That’s what I don’t understand.

I’m not killing all blogs here — some of them are useful because they find me stories that I couldn’t find on my own, and some of their comments or features make me laugh and think. When the goal is to keep everyone on their toes, have some fun, provide an alternate take on things and remain at least somewhat objective, that’s great. If you’re using a blog to constantly ream everyone else, that’s depressing. Also, how can we have so many libels/slander laws in place for newspapers, and yet the Internet is like the Wild West? People can steal material, slander people, rip them to shreds, make up news … I mean, you can get away with anything now. Do you know how many times an NBA Web site reported having sources that confirmed some trade that ended up never happening? It was embarrassing. I could go on about this forever.

First, Klosterman. He’s exactly right about “new media” and “old media.” People like the reporters at the New York Times and wherever else make it possible for me to do what I do. I seek not to replace, disparage, or poke fun at them, and I never have. This is a blog about sports, not about sports journalism. Now, I’ve talked about different reporters and writers, and have disagreed with and/or ridiculed their opinions. But that’s different. I’m not criticizing the work they do, in terms of finding and producing a story.

I’ve always felt like jouranlism was too easy of a target. Everyone likes to hammer journalists and lawyers without really understanding what actually goes into the professions. I studied journalism for a while. Not enough to be Edward R. Murrow, but enough to know that it’s not an easy thing, and to know that it wasn’t what I wanted to do.

Now, you may be sitting there thinking, “Well, you’ve been pretty hard on Peter King.” And indeed, I have. But still, I respect what he does. I would not want to travel to training camps, interview coaches, watch games from press boxes… it’s just not my style. It’s not how my brain works. My issues with Peter King have always been about his opinions, which I sometimes disagree with. That’s it. I still respect his work.

I think Klosterman misunderstands the intent of sports bloggers. I don’t want to do interviews. I have no interest in engaging in journalism. I have my opinions, they’re new, they’re mine, they’re individual, and I present them. My goal is just to have a place to share my opinions, entertain a little bit, manufacture a few chuckles, and maybe, every now and then, make people think about something they haven’t thought about before.

Now, Simmons. I don’t really understand what he’s saying about backing up my words with my own columns and features. I don’t know why I need credibility. I could (and would love to) write longer, more thoughtful things… but I don’t have even a fraction of the available time that it would take to do a 2,000 word column correctly. It’s not like I’m earning (or even seeking) a paycheck here, although, that might be nice. On most days, I have a few other things to do than tend to this blog.

And while we’re on the subject… what real reporting does Simmons do? What is it that he’s creating? Now, don’t misunderstand me, I like what he does. I enjoy reading him, and I have no serious complaints about him. But he’s not in locker rooms getting stories, he’s not traveling to anywhere to interview people… He sits in his house, or perhaps at the games, and then he comments on them. Is that a correct interpretation on my part on his role as a writer? Because, you know… that’s kinda what I do. Only shorter, and not as good. I don’t know why he’s going to criticize bloggers for not doing something that he doesn’t do himself.

I’d like to think that I do come up with my own material, angles, and thoughts. I don’t just read other writers, and hammer their work. I respect their work. I will criticize, I will disagree with opinions, and I will present my own. I don’t know why I need more credibility to do that.

Anyway… that’s all I have to say.

Dick is bent out of shape after hearing some of the things that Champ Bailey said while “Mic’d up” for Monday Night Football.

So what did Champ say? Did he say that the Broncos were beating the Chiefs so bad that Vermeil might cry at halftime? Did he say that Vermeil might cry at halftime, regardless? Did he tell Larry Johnson to take his diapers off?

Nope.

“The way they played up there in Kansas City, it ain’t the same, though. “They’re playing a little different. They’re not playing as hard. I ain’t going to relax, though.”

Oh, you got SERVED, Dick Vermeil.

I don’t know what’s so troubling about what Bailey said. I heard the comments, they weren’t said with an accusatory or malicious tone. He didn’t mean to insult anyone, or call them out. He said it very matter-of-factly. And you know what? To anyone watching on TV, it didn’t look like the Chiefs were giving it their best effort, either.

As a viewer, I appreciated the Bailey’s candor. Usually, the mic’d up feature only lets us in on a few Ray Lewis grunts, moans, and perhaps a “LET’S KEEP AFTER ‘EM!” or two. If we’re really lucky, we’ll get to see Ray-Ray celebrate while getting credit for a tackle that he didn’t make.

Vermeil is opposed to anyone being mic’d, ever.

“I just think the broadcast ought to be done by the guys in the booth,” he said. “That’s what they’re professionally trained to do.”

If any commentators had the balls to come out and say, “Hey, the Chiefs aren’t playing hard tonight,” I might agree, Dick. But they don’t, so I will continue to enjoy the feature. In fact, I wish that instead of commentators at all, that someone would broadcast a game with only audio from the players. Put it on a delay, bleep out what you need to, but one time, it would be nice to hear running commentary from Chad Johnson and/or Fred Smoot all day long.

WVU Hooligans is a new sports blog, done by, as you may have guessed, some WVU students. It’s not necessarily all WVU-related… they like all sports, especially the soccer. Soccer’s big over there. They like baseball much more than I do, too, which I suppose you could say about anyone who likes baseball at all.

But it’s brand new, it’s up, and you can be a part of their readership now before they become the hottest sports blog in the entire damn blogosphere.

Suge Knight wants to coach football. I’m not even making that up. Suge wants to get out of the hip-hop business, and get into coaching football.

For the moment, he’s saying that college football is where he wants to be. I say that the farther away we can keep Suge Knight from America’s youth, the better off we’ll all be. Getting a $6 million/year linebacker motivated to kill a quarterback is a different task than getting the backup tight end to faithfully attend his Political Science class. I think it’s clear which task Suge is better cut-out for.

I think a natural fit for him would be as head coach of the Minnesota Vikings. There are many ways in which he could help:

- He could help Daunte Culpepper out with his touchdown celebration. I don’t know why Daunte decides to call traveling on himself after every touchdown, but it’s pretty lame. Actually, that’s not even true. It aspires to be lame. “The Stuttering Travelling Violation” is not something that Suge would ever have allowed one of his artists to do it a video. Suge wouldn’t allow something that gay in a George Michael video tribute to Liberace. Surely, he could put Daunte in touch with someone who could help him out with that.

- He would be an inspiration to all injured Vikings. If someone was struggling with a decision about whether or not to play through an injury, Suge could point to the fact that he was recently shot. In fact, whenever this topic of conversation came up, it would likely be true if Suge said, “Hey, someone tried to kill me yesterday. Suck it up, young man.”

- He could help players pass drug tests. Call me crazy, but I’ve got a feeling that Suge has spent a little quality time with The Chronic. And as someone who’s either on parole, or should be, certainly, you’d have to assume that he’s gotten around a drug test or two in his day.

- I have a feeling that the Vikings would get a few more calls from the officials. This is, after all, the guy that was accused of hanging Vanilla Ice out of a window by his ankles over some royalties from “Ice Ice Baby.” He is also rumored to have made some of his business associates drink their own urine. I don’t care how dieseled Ed Hochuli gets, this is Suge Knight we’re talking about. If he wants 52 extra seconds on the game clock, I’m thinking he’ll find a way to get it.

- Also, I think he gets to take the ankle bracelet off soon.

I was told recently that it seemed like the blog had taken a bit of a negative turn, and I don’t want that to be the case. I want this to be a happy place, full of hope, joy, and free love.

So this next blog item will be spun in a positive manner. Great news is on the horizon for the Dolphins, Bills, Patriots, and whoever else resides on the Jets remaining schedule… Vinny Testaverde is returning as the quarterback of the New York Jets. Testaverde, by the way, can be typed entirely with the left hand.

Unfortunately, Vincenzo might not see the field. For right now, he’ll be backing up Brooks Bollinger, Wisconsin’s finest.

And the Jets aren’t even done. It could get even more grim from there. They might need to add another quarterback, and it could be someone like Doug Johnson, Jesse Palmer, or Jonathan Quinn. Can Andre Ware get a quick look? Would it kill anyone?

Of course, this silver lining does have a cloud… and that is the fact that Chad Pennington’s year, and perhaps career, could be kind of an issue. He’s torn his rotator cuff, again, and needs surgery on it, again. The rotator cuff, sadly, is a pretty important thing for a thrower of balls. It doesn’t look good.

And if it does hamper and/or curtail his career… well, that would be a terrible thing. I feel for the guy. Do your best, doctors.