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If The Natural was about Peyton Manning, could Kenny Chesney be playing the Kim Basinger role?


Just a tremendous find by the fellas at Deadspin… in fact, it’s the kind of thing that makes my life worth living. A British gossip magazine called PopBitch includes this little nugget on their website today…

Strangest Renee-Kenny rumour coming out of the States. The marriage fraud? His “friendship” with Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning.

I’ll be honest with you, I sometimes read about dumb shit like the Kenny Chesney/Renee Zellweger breakup. The “Most EMailed Stories” are all listed on my Yahoo homepage, I can’t avoid it. Anyway, when I heard that they were splitting up because of some “fraud,” the first thing I thought was, “Man, I wish I had a shot at Zellweger.” But the second thing I thought was, “Y’know, I bet someone’s gay.”

And of course, this is just a rumor, and a crazy, crazy rumor at that… in fact, I’ll just say it: There’s no way it’s true. But wouldn’t it be fun if it was? Wouldn’t it be great if the reason for Peyton Manning’s early season slump as that Kenny Chesney can be a real nag at home?

I hope that CBS’s halftime interview with Peyton Manning on Sunday goes something like this:

Armen Keteyian: Peyton, you guys had a great first half, how do you keep the momentum going?

Peyton: Well, we’ve just got to execute and be ready, I’m sure they’ll make some adjustments, and we will, too.

Armen Keteyian: Could Kenny Chesney be described as a good kisser?

Peyton: Well, his lips are real soft and–HEY.

(Armen Keteyian calmly holds the microphone in his face, smiling, while Peyton gets the “Uh oh” look on his face and sprints towards the tunnel. The camera moves to a shot or Archie Manning in the stands downing a bottle of Homocil. Archie then answers his cell phone, and it’s Eli on the other end asking, “Daddy, what’s gay mean?”)

By the way, don’t picture them having sex.

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Matthew J. Darnell

20 Comments

  1. unless you are gay, then go ahead and picture them having sex, it’s actually kind of hot

  2. I am a lesbian. I’m really tired of straight people putting down each other down by calling them “gay.”

  3. Anonymous Lesbian – I apologize… I don’t know what to say. I know it’s wrong, and I do it anyway, because it makes me laugh. I am an idiot, a child, and a moron. I’ll try to be better about it in the future.

  4. HEYYYY

    im a kenny chesney fan, and im a lady, so dont shoot my dreams!!!!!!

    but i’d love him even if he was. Then we could go shopping together!!!

  5. Kenny Chesney is gay! For those of us who have gaydar, we know! So what! You enjoyed his music before you knew, enjoy it just as much now that you know! Kenny is hot, good looking, and at the top of the list of being one of the best country/western entertainers. I’ll always be a Kenny Chesney fan no matter what!

  6. Well, if Kenny is gay, we know that only quarterback he would have an interest in is the gay Tom Brady and the face ass that he carries around on his chin.

  7. Assuming Payton and Kenny are an “item”, do we know how and when they first met? That would add some credibility to the Manning slump.

  8. Soon you’ll hear Peyton say he credits all his success to Kenny. Then Joey Harrington, Kyle Boller, and Alex Smith go out looking for country singer boyfriends. One of them might have to settle for Mr. Achy Breaky Heart himself Billy Ray Cyrus coming out of retirement.

  9. If indeed the rumour is true..power to em both! Gay people have been always been targeted…and its refreshing to see that a C&W entertainer make it big and the same for Sports figures. Its about time. We are all talented, and deserve to show the world we are no different.

  10. Straight people are secretly jealous of gay people, their talent, creativity, style, etc. Hence, they create and support the rumour mill, their secret desires and inability to express themselves.

  11. gay people are ok. they are so funny. and i will agree that it would be a pretty hot picture of them fuckin.

  12. actually, Billy never retired. usually puts a new record out ever year or so, he and his wife go to my church. super nice couple.

    I think his new disc should be out in March if I recall correctly. only it’s not the achey breaky crap the label used to make him record, it’s all more acoustyic based stuff that he’s written himself

    and to keep this on topic, Kenny and Peyton are SOOOO a couple.

    with a name like Peyton, we should have known from the start, and most of us *did* know from the start with Kenny, at least us TN folks. he’s frequented known Durgon (Nashville’s gay district) for years.

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