“Goofy” is the best word I can come up with to describe Peter King’s MMQB… goofy, as in, “somewhat endearingly dorky.” I certainly wouldn’t say he’s dumb, or he’s a bad writer, or anything of that nature… because I just don’t think any of those things are true. I like reading the MMQB, and I do so every week… but I just can’t get past some of the goofiness. He does make some good points from time to time (such as his thoughts on high draft picks in this week’s column), but we’re not going to focus on that because the goofiness conquers all. I’ve almost started to grow fond of it. I think I’m going to make this a weekly thing, where I discuss some football issues and Peter King’s eccentricities. This week’s list…

“This is going to be knee-jerk, it’s going to be reactionary, it’s going to be borderline scandalous. (And I’m not talking about the brainless Vikings on the party boat either.)”

Later in the MMQB, Peter’s “Quote of the Week” is from Zygi Wilf about the Orgy on Lake Minnetonka.

And several paragraphs later…

“5. I think new Minnesota owner Zygi Wilf knows what he has to do. He has to fire them all, and he has to do it on Jan. 2, 2006, the day after this shipwreck (certainly no pun intended, and there’s been far too much light made of this story in the press, by the way) of a season.”

I agree that that’s what Zygi Wilf has to do, but… didn’t Peter make at least two other references to the Vikings situation before criticizing the media for making too much light about it? If you can’t make fun of an NFL team turning a cruise into a sex romp, what can you make fun of?

“In (Washington defensive coordinator Gregg) Williams’ system, journeyman Warrick Holdman is a better fit as his strongside linebacker and is ahead of (LaVar) Arrington on the depth chart. Where exactly is the need for a free-lancing linebacker?”

If all Arrington can do at this point in his career is freelance, that’s on the coaching staff. He’s never had an attitude problem, and he seems like a guy who’s willing to be coached. His physical gifts are off the charts. He’s a playmaker. And I’m supposed to believe that Warrick Holdman is doing things on the field that Arrington is not capable of, or can’t be coached to do? I’m sorry, I can’t make that leap.

“When it comes to draft mania, everyone gets sucked in. The LaVar Arrington story suggests we ought to simmer down. Quite a bit.”

So I can assume that there will be no kind of articles about the draft coming from Peter King in April?

In the Fine Fifteen… 2. San Diego (3-3).”

In Week 2, the Chargers lost to the team behind them at #3, Denver. Last week, they lost to the team at #6, Pittsburgh. A win over the Raiders earns them the spot at #2? Odd.

“13. Seattle (4-2). Best late game next Sunday: Dallas at Latteland.”

Latteland? Does it get goofier than that?

As one of the things he liked about this week: “j. Santana Moss. He’s making beautiful music with Mark Brunell.”

Are they a QB/WR combo, or a young couple exploring the pleasures of love and romance?

As one of the things he didn’t like about this week: “f. Pittsburgh’s depth. Or lack thereof.”

Without their two best players, and with a QB performance so bad that it made Ryan Leaf cringe, the Steelers still came damn close to beating the Jaguars, who are probably in the upper-half of teams in the NFL. I’d say it was more impressive than unimpressive.

“a. Why is UConn in a the same conference with Cincinnati and Louisville?”

Well, where do you want them to be? What’s the issue here? Geography? Without checking mapquest, I’m going to guess that Boston College is farther away from any ACC team than UConn is from Cincinnati. What conference do you want them to be in? What makes more sense than the Big East? Exactly what in the goofy hell are you talking about, Peter?

“d. Coffeenerdness: Stumbled into a fine new coffee place over the weekend in Houston — Diedrich’s. Had a superb, ultra-espresso-laced latte. The darker the better.”

Peter likes his coffee like he likes his women. Large, dark, and about $10 a pop.

“e. It was a weekend to end all weekends, basically. First U2 on Friday at Madison Square Garden, then on Saturday I saw Clemens-Astros-Cards, then Sunday at the Michael Vick Show.”

First, you are the luckiest bastard in the history of the planet. Secondly, the reviews are in from the Michael Vick Show:

11/23, 112 yards, 1 TD, 1 interception, against the New Orleans defense.

Quite a show.

f. I really miss House.”

Well, that makes one person. I hope you’ll be OK until the DVDs are out, Peter. Hang in there, buddy. I know you can get through this.