Archive for October 20th, 2005


This could be both the dumbest and most admirable thing I’ve ever heard of. Having his lawyer reach a plea agreement of a 30-year jail sentence for him, Eric James Torpy requested that his sentence be 33 years. 33, for Larry Legend. I’m sure that when Larry heard about it, he was incredibly honored and touched. It’s really too bad that the guy isn’t a Chauncey Billups fan.

I’m picturing the guy being drug into his cell and screaming, “WAIT! I MEANT SUE BIRD!”

“He said if he was going to go down, he was going to go down in Larry Bird’s jersey,” Oklahoma County District Judge Ray Elliott said Wednesday. “We accommodated his request and he was just as happy as he could be.”

I think the DA and the wardens need to step up and allow him to serve his time in a Bird jersey. He gave them three extra years of free labor, the least they can do is hand him home and road Bird jerseys. I also think Larry owes it to him to visit him in the clink. Even if it’s a short visit, even if Larry just shows up, seems him on the other side of the glass, picks up the phone receiver and says, “You fucking idiot,” then I think he should do it.

And hey, what happens if he’s given time off for good behavior? What if he’s granted parole? Will he turn it down for Larry?

I respect it. I think it’s incredibly dumb, and after 30 years of prison rape, he may wish he had a mulligan on this one… but it’s a greater display of love for an athlete than I have ever previously witnessed. And the guy’s going in for shooting with an intent to kill and robbery, so intelligence and forethought are probably not his strong suits. His loyalty to his favorite athletes, however, can certainly not be questioned. I’m sure it will earn him all kinds of respect in the joint.

Best of luck with your stretch, Eric James. And I mean that. Watch out for your cornhole, buddy.


If you’re a Vikings fan, and you’re looking to find out more about your new owner… a team boat orgy is a pretty good way to test him in his first few months on the job. According to a report in SI, Wilf addressed the Vikings locker room with a profanity-laced tirade, threatening to jettison any dirty bastard who was involved in planning the Love Boat party.

I think so far, you’d have to give Wilf a passing grade for how he’s responded. He’s been appropriately indignant, and he’s begun to assemble a new security department, which is probably a good thing.

You may argue that he should have fired Mike Tice, and it’s difficult to argue that he shouldn’t, however… if he does it right now, it kinda shifts the spotlight away from the players, who should absorb 100% of the blame for the depravity on Lake Minnetonka. Let them take the abuse for it for a while… no reason to make Tice a scapegoat for that particular incident.

And if you fire Tice right now, you’re stuck with an interim coach that you have to choose from your current staff, and there’s just not much chance that it’s going to do a lot to help the Vikings right now, at least in a football sense.

Daunte Culpepper running around a boat and playing with his dinghy isn’t something you can pin on Tice. No NFL coach can be expected to babysit 24 hours a day… and I’m guessing that just about every NFL team has sex parties that would absolutely blow my mind. The Vikings just happen to be dumb enough to do it amongst the general public. That’s on the players, not Tice.

The 1-4 record, however, is on Tice, and his odds of seeing next year as the Vikings head coach are about 19,872,272-1. But firing him right now probably doesn’t do a lot of good, and if I’m a Vikings fan, I’m OK with that.

The same article, and this is awesome, quotes three players from last year’s team who said Mike Tice “offered to fight any team member who wanted a piece of him.”

I can’t figure out why Tice wasn’t immediately swarmed under a mountain of angry men dressed in purple. How did no one take him up on that offer? Maybe that provides some insight into why the Vikings suck… if no one’s willing to step up and fight an evidently incompetent 46-year-old man, maybe they’re just too pussy to win any football games, either.

From Onion Sports

Despite it’s popularity with urban fans and the fact that it is not easy, “pimpin” will still be a five-minute major penalty.


Mark Messier to be transformed into constellation and cast into the heavens, where is unblinking and fearful countenance shall keep watch over hockey for all time.


Whenever a team mascot like “Redskins” comes into question, an owner like Dan Snyder will be quick to jump up and say, “It is not our intent to harm anyone, but to honor them.”

Yesterday’s report from the American Psychological Association should put to rest any questions of “intent.” First, I don’t think Dan Snyder is ever sitting in his office, watching a game and thinking, “You know, this is a terrific way for us all to be honoring native Americans.” I think he’s more likely to be thinking something like, “Lavar Arrington sure is an expensive bench warmer,” “I bet the cheerleader third in from the left would sleep with me for $20,000,” or, “I hate trees.

But I digress. Even if he was thinking about honoring American Indians, and his intentions actually were noble (if hugely misguided), I don’t think it should matter a whole hell of a lot. His intent, or the intent of anyone else who presides over an institution that uses a Native American name, is not more important than this, snipped from the APA’s report:

APA’s action, approved by the Association’s Council of Representatives, is based on a growing body of social science literature that shows the harmful effects of racial stereotyping and inaccurate racial portrayals, including the particularly harmful effects of American Indian sports mascots on the social identity development and self-esteem of American Indian young people.

“The use of American Indian mascots as symbols in school and university athletic programs is particularly troubling,” says APA President, Ronald F. Levant, EdD. “Schools and universities are places of learning. These mascots are teaching stereotypical, misleading and, too often, insulting images of American Indians. And these negative lessons are not just affecting American Indian students; they are sending the wrong message to all students.”

Psychologist Stephanie Fryberg, PhD, of the University of Arizona, has studied the impact of American Indian sports mascots on American Indian students as well as European American students. Her research shows the negative effect of such mascots on the self-esteem and community efficacy of American Indian students.

“American Indian mascots are harmful not only because they are often negative, but because they remind American Indians of the limited ways in which others see them,” Fryberg states. “This in turn restricts the number of ways American Indians can see themselves.”

The issue of the inappropriateness and potential harm of American Indian mascots is broader than the history and treatment of American Indians in our society say many psychologists who have studied issues of race in America. Such mascots are a contemporary example of prejudice by the dominant culture against racial and ethnic minority groups, according to these scholars.

These are pretty much the world’s foremost experts on such things. It is their job, their chosen life’s work, to study peoples’ mental processes and behavior. Their opinion matters. It matters a whole hell of a lot more than any half-ass opinion formed on the matter by Dan Snyder, Bobby Bowden, or Jeb Bush. They are, of course, entitled to their opinions… but if you’re looking for a right and wrong on the issue, I think you’re better off siding with the people that have studied the issue and gone out and done the research.

And this is also why I don’t care that Florida State can show that they have the approval of Seminole Indians living in Florida… the effect goes farther than that. It’s not like Florida State exists in a vacuum where it can only reach people in their immediate surrounding areas… those images go out to everyone across the world, and, as the study said, it has an effect on how American Indians see themselves, and how other people see them.


To me, this is every bit as shocking as Bill Romanowski’s admission that he used steroids. Jordan told 60 Minutes that he had been “stupid” in his gambling, and said, “Yeah, I’ve gotten myself into [gambling] situations where I would not walk away and I’ve pushed the envelope.”

Ya don’t say. I’ve never been a huge fan of Jordan. Greatest basketball player ever? Maybe. He certainly belongs in the discussion. But as an individual, he’s always been too… too… carefully-groomed, I guess, for me to like him a whole lot. Everything he said, did, wore, was always so carefully chosen, so as not to offend any corporate partner of his, or anyone who might one day buy his shoes.

Anyway, he’s always been so careful about what he’s said about himself… that if he admits any kind of mistake about gambling, it’s probably safe to assume that it was much worse than he’s letting on. MJ is not someone who’s going to admit any of his personal foibles. Anything he says it going to be carefully measured, so as to minimize any negative impact.

There were rumors that he took the year off from basketball because of gambling problems, there were rumors that his father’s death was related to gambling… I’m not saying either of those things are true, and I doubt they are, but… there are probably people in the world somewhere that have some crazy-ass Michael Jordan gambling stories.

Some people are just competition freaks… they’re addicted to winning, addicted to competing. It’s easy to see how they could be drawn to gambling. And MJ had that addiction worse than maybe anyone else who’s ever lived… you can see how something like that would serve him well on the basketball court, but maybe not so well at the blackjack table.

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