It seems like about once a year, some reporter decides they’re going to go into “The Black Hole” and tell everyone how harmless and wonderful Raider fans really are.

That’s bullshit. No one who dresses up like they do, when it’s not Halloween and they’re not under the age of 12, is going through life without severe emotional problems.

Anyway, Wayne Drehs takes the assignment this season. He hangs out all day with some fake-ass tough guy named Spike.

“Broncos today, baby, Broncos,” he says between reps. “Man, I hate them. The best day of my life was when John Elway gave me the finger.”

That’s quite an accomplishment for you, Spike. That’s very special, don’t get me wrong, but aim a little bit higher, my friend. Think of the joy you could experience if Ashley Lelie were to give you a golden shower.

By the way, I find it a little ironic that the Raiders play in McAfee Coliseum… I’m not sure if it’s ironic because a company that is supposed to keep viruses out has a Coliseum that contains so many people that have so many diseases.., or maybe they’re really doing the rest of the society of a favor, by containing so many douchebags quarantined in one specific area.

Anyway, the article goes on and on, with examples of how “Spike” is so nice and cuddly. That’s really emotional and moving, but I don’t buy it. I mean, I believe that he’s harmelss. But I’m not sure it’s cool. You’re either a tough guy, or you aren’t. You can’t dress up like a psychopath, and then get into the stadium, applaud politely, and sit down with a cup of warm tea and some lemon. This man is a fugazi.

Anyway, some more quotes from the article. This guy is “Spike”‘s brother, “Howie.”

“The Raiders, man. We’re the bad guys. The misfits. I watch T.O. [Terrell Owens] run his mouth off and I think to myself, ‘Keep it up buddy and the sooner you’ll be out here with us.’ We’re the guys that nobody wants their daughters to marry.”

Imagine that… someone wouldn’t want their daughter to marry a guy who calls himself “Howie” on Sundays while wearing a football jersey with shoulder pads while also wearing a tie. That’s normal. People do that. I think any father would be thrilled to see that coming down the aisle.

Anyway… “Howie,” as you can see, likes to call himself a bad guy and a misfit, but when he sees a Broncos fan, he goes up to him and shakes his hand and wishes him luck. Yeah, you’re a real bad guy. Real hell-raiser.

Now, I’m not saying that I want him to actually attack the Broncos fan. I don’t. I’m glad he isn’t violent. But it’s quite vaginal to be pretending that you are so mean and nasty when you aren’t. In fact, these guys wear fanny packs. But don’t judge, they need a place to keep their tampons.

This bit as about the guy they call “Violator.”

When the public address system plays commercials on the video board during timeouts he screams, “Shut your hole.” When a nearby teenager yells to quarterback Kerry Collins that he sucks, he roars his approval. “I love it. I love it,” he says. “Somebody who speaks the truth around here.”

Yes, how impressive it is to find someone who thinks Kerry Collins sucks. What a rare breed of person.

“The reputation that people hear about this place is pretty unfair,” Eric said. “But it’s not always a bad thing for people to think we’re the axis of evil. We aren’t exactly a bunch of angels. And that can get into an opponent’s head.”

No, dude… people are laughing at you. You have never heard an NFL player say he fears playing in McAfee Coliseum because Spike might yell, “You don’t play football very well” at him. There is no fear, and there is no intimidation. Any dressing up you do, pal, is for your own make-believe fantasies that you didn’t get out of your system when you were a young boy, and that’s as far as it goes. You are playing dress-up. Not winning football games.