Courtesy of my homey Will at Deadspin, who sifted through the Smoking Gun legal documents and found the highlights, more details have emerged from the Sex Boat scandal. It’s like an early Christmas gift. I really thought it ended with the misdemeanor charges coming down yesterday. Thank the sweet Lord, there is more.

First, our friend Bryant McKinnie…

[McKinnie is witnessed] pick up a naked woman, place her on the bar in the lounge and commence to perform oral sex on her. … At a different time during the evening, [witnesses] saw Mr. McKinnie along with three other unidentified males receiving oral sex from four women while the men were seated in deck chairs on the boat.

And my personal favorite… Smoot:

Was seen holding a double-headed dildo and moving the dildo while each end was inserted into the vagina of two women who were lying on the floor near the lounge area of the charter boat. After a period of time, one of the women got up and Mr. Smoot continued to manipulate the dildo inside the other woman.

Smoot, you dildo-manipulating son of a bitch, you. I’ve gotta ask… who takes a double-headed dildo on a cruise? Let’s see… Sunblock, check. Sunglasses, check. Life preserver, check. Double-headed dildo? Check.

Personally, I’d like to think that Smoot travels with a double-headed dildo at all times… you know, just in case.

Daunte Culpepper and Moe Williams are both accused of getting lapdances, and having their hands on various parts of the “dancers.” As you might have guessed, Daunte’s more of an ass guy while Moe Williams goes for the hooters. It’s hard to be too critical of either of them… getting a lapdance isn’t the worst thing a guy can do. Of course, you’d rather it not take place in public on a fucking boat, but who am I to judge? Yesterday, I got an erotic massage at the post office.

Thank you, Vikings.