If there’s still anyone out there who maintains an interest in sports, I thought we could go over some playoff football matchups today. Here’s how I’m calling the games this weekend. Your thoughts?

Steelers @ Colts.

Unless Kimo von Oelhoffen is planning on taking out another knee, things don’t look good for the Steelers. Winning two playoff games in a row on the road… is a spectacularly tall order. And it becomes even taller when 1) the first win was extremely emotional, and 2) the second win will have to come against the best team in football… a team that will do Whatever It Takes.

It will probably take the game of Ben Roethlisberger’s life, and it will also take a few more of those gadget plays. Because the smashmouth style preferred by Joey Porter netted the following statistics in the first meeting between the two teams: Willie Parker: 12 carries, 43 yards. Jerome Bettis: 6, carries, 9 yards. Duce Staley: 3 carries, 6 yards. The Steelers absolutely need better production from that with the running game if they’re going to win. If they’re forced to throw a lot, they’re fucked. Unless Joey Porter can talk the officials into throwing penalty flags for thinking. “Personal foul, on the defense. Attempting to disguise a coverage. First down.”

And wear an extra knee brace, Peyton. You know… just in case.

Colts 27, Steelers 16.

Redskins @ Seahawks.

Did you know that Mike Holmgren has never ever beaten Washington? The guy’s been coaching in the NFC forever, and he has never gotten a win over the Redskins, a team that isn’t always all that good. Strange.

Of course, I don’t know if that’s enough for me to go against Seattle at home. I know the Redskins have been tearing it up on the road, but… last week, even though Tampa didn’t score a ton, they were able to move the ball in stretches against the Redskins. And that was Simms and Cadillac/Pittman, not Hasselbeck and Shaun Alexander. And Seattle’s got one of the best +/- turnover ratios in the league, so the Redskins aren’t likely to have a repeat of last week’s Tampa turnover festival.

Still, though, instinct tells me that Mark Brunell is going to bounce back and put up a nice game… but I’m going against instinct, and with the better, more balanced team.

Seahawks 21, Redskins 20.

Patriots @ Broncos.

I have no reason for taking the Broncos here, but I’m going to. It just feels to me like one of those fuck-conventional-wisdom games. I call it a Ricky Roma game. The predictions of Patriot victory are nearly universal, so I’m going to disrespect Tom Brady and go with the Broncos. For no good reason. I don’t feel good about it. Fuck.

Broncos 21, Patriots 13.

Panthers @ Bears.

If the Panthers can duplicate their execution from last week, they’ll win… but trying to figure out which Panther team is going to show up appears to be quite futile. They’re due to come out and urinate all over themselves at some point. I just don’t know if it will be this week, next week, or in the Super Bowl.

But looking at things logically, the Bears have no playoff experience, while the Panthers have a ton. The Bears have a QB who has started one whole game, while Jake Delhomme has been through all this before. And the biggest playmaker on the field, Steve Smith, plays for Carolina. One big play might make the difference in this game, and Carolina is more likely to get it.

I can’t go against them. And I’ve picked home teams in the other 3 games, so I’m allowed one road team.

Panthers 13, Bears 7.