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Lawrence Taylor, Charles Oakley, and Michael Jordan

Basketball's Suge KnightA little note here from the Miami Herald

People are buzzing about Lawrence Taylor’s bizarre behavior at Prime 112 last week. He reached for a bottle from the wrong table, approached Michael Jordan’s table and loudly yelled, ”Ladies and gentleman, Michael Jordan!” An embarrassed Jordan put his head in his hands. Charles Oakley tried to settle down L.T.

When Charles Oakley is the guy settling you down… it’s bad on multiple levels. 1) Oak is usually the craziest guy in the room, so if he’s the voice of reason, you’re probably way, way, out of control, and 2) if you don’t settle down to his liking, he may just kill you.

Though I must admit, the prospect of a Lawrence Taylor vs. Charles Oakley fight is intriguing, and would be absolutely worth buying on pay-per-view. It’s hard to pick a favorite. LT’s stronger, but Oak is taller and has the obvious reach advantage. Oakley would also have some extra motivation because Jordan would immediately wager a couple hundred thousand on him. The big X-factor is the amount of crack coursing through LT’s veins at that particular moment.

If he’s in the midst of a “Let’s go out there like a bunch of wild dogs!” high, then he’s got to be considered nearly unbeatable. I mean, you could probably pound him in the face with a hammer for an hour and a half, and he wouldn’t feel it. But if he’s in his “crying on 60 Minutes” mode, then Oakley would take him out like he was Jeff McInnis.

Matthew J. Darnell

6 Comments

  1. Is anybody else only able to picture LT screaming “Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Jordan!” in the Chappelle-as-Rick James voice?

  2. Crack doesn’t give hour and half highs, so that comment has lost its luster. Crack highs are about 15, 20 minutes long, hence the constant longing for more.

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