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Super Bowl cancelled because it bores Skip Bayless

Douche.Check out Skip’s latest Page 2 offering.  Actually, I think it may have been written by my mother, but Skip’s name appears in the byline.

How can these teams ever generate enough star power to live up to the telecast’s Oscar-worthy commercials?

No Peyton or Brady or Vick or buzz.

No rivalry or bad blood or controversy or buzz.

Only zzz.

Skip, if you like buzz… watch E!’s red carpet show or something. You like the commercials, Big Skip? Then you can go watch the game with my mother. You two can ignore the game, chat about Desperate Housewives, and then when the commercials come on, you can act like you’re seeing the moon landing.

Would [the Steelers] have finished off the season’s most shocking upset, in Indianapolis, if Colts cornerback Nick Harper hadn’t weaved back into a sprawling ankle tackle by Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger? No.

As if Roethlisberger’s tackle of Nick Harper was the play on which that game turned. Like Bettis’s fumble was completely characteristic. Like the Troy Polamalu interception call was completely normal and happenstance.

Would the Steelers have won in Denver if an early poor pass by Roethlisberger had been picked off in the flat by Champ Bailey and returned for a stadium-rocking touchdown? Probably not.

Well, that’s great and all… except, you know, that didn’t happen. If Champ Bailey was a better player, Champ Bailey would be a better player, and Denver would be a better team. But they aren’t, they didn’t make plays, Pittsburgh did, and Denver lost.

Would the Seahawks have risen from 2-2 to home-field playoff advantage if Terrell Owens hadn’t torn apart the Eagles? If Michael Vick hadn’t regressed?

Again… these things happened, and are part of the reason that Seattle was the best team in the NFC. I don’t get your point, Skip. It’s like you’re asking, “Hey, if all these things didn’t happen that made Seattle the best team in the NFC, would Seattle be the best team in the NFC? Hey, if Matt Hasselbeck woke up this morning and shoved a pineapple into his ass, wouldn’t he walk a little bit funny? And if Shaun Alexander decided at age 11 to become a ballerina, would he be in the Super Bowl right now? No. He wouldn’t. And that’s why this Super Bowl sucks.”

Strictly from a football standpoint, this matchup is pretty intriguing.

So, a professional sportwriter says that the game, from a football standpoint, is intriguing. And also that it bores him. Why are you a sportswriter then? Go host Talk Soup or something.

I usually defend you, Skip. But this… you sound like any of the millions of 45-year-old women who are going to be at “Super Bowl parties” because they want to see the commercials. Weak.

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Matthew J. Darnell

22 Comments

  1. I love your attitude that the focus should be on the game, but saying you usually defence Skip Bayless is incomprehesible.

  2. Right. If an article has the names Bayless, Shanoff, or Whitlock anywhere near it, I’m taking a pass on it.

  3. “This is my 31st consecutive Super Bowl. Waaa. I wanted Brady or Pesney or Vick. Waaa. Fuck the game and the teams, I wanted melodramatic subplots. Waaa.” I’m guessing his editor walked up to him and told him they wanted an article that would generate discussion, and he wasn’t allowed to just talk about TO. So he thought, “well, I could try to be an actual journalist and uncover an under-reported story. Or I could just fucking bitch about the game.” I’ll bet within three days he goes on a rant about how Detroit doesn’t meet his standards. What a hack.

    Sideshow – don’t throw Whitlock out with the bathwater.

  4. I like Whitlock. He usually makes some good points. I wish Bayless and Paige would just run off with each other, already.

  5. Skip Bayless is annoying as hell. I hate how he whines about everything. Nothing is ever up to par in his eyes. And let’s not blame this lack of intrigue on the Steelers. They are probably the most popular team in the country. If nobody cares about the SB, it’s because of Seattle.

  6. Whitlock’s not bad, he even criticizes Brett Favre, which is nice to hear occasionally from someone at ESPN. His stuff in the KC newspaper is typically better than his Page 2 stuff.

  7. Bayless certainly does look and sound and act like someone whose head I would like hold underwater for a couple of hours. He comes off like a know-it-all prick, but… I think he sometimes makes some good points that he doesn’t get credit for. Nothing comes to mind off the top of my head, but… the next time I spot it, I’ll let you know.

  8. This guy is the journalistic equivalent of a troll. All he does is play Devil’s Advocate; his sole talent as a sports reporter is his ability to infuriate fans from every walk of life with negative comments on every human being alive.

    (On Cold Pizza yesterday, he referred to Federer and Sampras as boring, also. Disregard that they are two of the best tennis players ever – if you’re not a fucking prick like Lleyton Hewitt or insane like John Macenroe, Skip thinks you suck.)

  9. What did your mother do to deserve this? She had two sons and a husband who are all avid sports fans. She was exposed to almost all sports 24/7 without complaint. She was there for all of your sporting events. I believe she earned the right to watch the Super Bowl in any way she pleases.

  10. Sorry theotheruw. I haven’t read Whitlock for quite awhile. Maybe his “Truths” columns are better than his earlier stuff. Maybe just personal preference. Dunno. I always felt like I’d just wasted my time after reading one of his articles. Of course, here I am posting on a message board so maybe my time’s not that precious anyway………

  11. Actually, MJD, Skip Bayless made alot of good points last year, and I think there was one month where he was actually on fire. I remember calling him your boy at least 4 times.

  12. Whitlock is a bum. His truths columns are gibberish and hindsight. He reminds me of Paige in his completely random 50/50 pick on any issue followed by minutes of name dropping in order to build up his “cred”. Like having Tiger Woods email address makes your opinion on the Chargers relevant.Though Ill agree he’s no where close to Jerk…i mean Shanoff or Skip. There is nothing worse then a critic whose major beef is 100% hypocritical.

  13. Skip Bayless is the Dark Lord Satan and feeds on the souls of children. I’m not sure why anyone would listen to what he says, the man is obviously pure evil.

  14. Hahaha not quite, but somehow I am not surprised to find out the Trembulak reads this thing. It’s Cromie.

  15. Wow, small world. Yeah, Young Trem noticed the stuff I said about also writing rap songs when everyone was talking about the Miami 7th Floor crew song. Please, the Largepenis ‘Gayest Hits’ CD will put The U to shame.

  16. Hahaha I made my roomates listen to a little Largepenis the other day, but apparently you have to be from Meadville to get it.

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