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Al Michaels traded to NBC for rabbit to be named later

I think John Madden has been using ProActiv.  To help moisturize his situation and maintain his sexy.Since ESPN/ABC traded Al Michaels to NBC for the rights to Friday Ryder Cup action, some “expanded highlights,” from Notre Dame games (good, because ESPN traditionally hasn’t shown enough Notre Dame highlights) and Olympics, as well as the rights to some damn cartoon rabbit.

That is outstanding. I didn’t even know you could do that. Does ESPN have a general manager working the phones all day? Did Michael Irvin’s trade value take a major hit when he was found with a pipe in his car? I bet now they can only get Armen Keteyian and the rights to all the nude Richard Hatch footage from Survivor. I just wonder how often they try to move Paul McGuire.

ESPN GM: Hello. We’re calling to gauge your interest in acquiring Paul McGuire.
CBS GM: God dammit, this isn’t funny anymore.
ESPN GM: Listen, all we want in return is Bonnie Bernstein.
CBS GM: I wouldn’t trade you one of Bonnie Bernstein’s fucked-up scarves for Paul McGuire..
ESPN GM: Dan Marino?
CBS GM: Closer. But no.
ESPN GM: Come on. It’s just Dan Marino.
CBS GM: I’ll give you all Dan Marino’s Super Bowl rings in exchange for Paul McGuire.
ESPN GM: That’s not funny.
CBS GM: I have no interest in Paul McGuire, unless you’re going to hollow him out, stuff him with candy, and let me beat him with a stick.
ESPN GM: If that was legal, I’d be doing it right now.
CBS GM: Goodbye.
ESPN GM: Fuck.

The other bit of good news here is that (presumably) Al Michaels is gone from NBA broadcasts, where he was terrible. It’s one thing to set him next to John Madden, because while I do like Madden, they’re not always talking about football, and Madden’s not always real in-depth with the Xs and Os. But Michaels next to Hubie Brown is a whole other thing. Hubie loves Xs and Os, he actually teaches the game in his commentary, but you’ve got to pray that Al Michaels doesn’t just trample all over him by interjecting his own thoughts on basketball strategy and his lame-ass jokes. NBC can let Al Michaels and Bob Costas host their own one-hour show entitled, “Let’s Talk About How Great We Are.”


  1. Hilarious. I love Michaels and Costas, though.

    The only problem with “Let’s Talk About How Great We Are” is that one would eventually have to yield the floor to the other which has, of course, been scientifically proven impossible.

    Maybe Michaels will bitch-slap Costas.

  2. Mullet Mullet

    Costas would eat Michaels for breakfast because Costas really is great.

  3. sideshow sideshow

    “You think the Mighty MJD didn’t come to play today? I’m telling you….that is brutal. I want you watch the way he sets up this Super Bowl rings comment. You see the way he leads in to it? Now here it comes……BAM! I might just die from that.”

  4. Percy Dovetonsils Percy Dovetonsils

    Hey, keep Paul Maguire, and trade Theismann, preferably to Telemundo.

    At least Maguire’s “watch for it… watch for it… BAM” is somewhat amusing, whereas Theismann is just a dumbass.

  5. gerard gerard

    Love it….I don’t know how many people have said it, emailed it, blogged it, shouted it at their TV’s, but that Sunday nite NFL crew really does make my ears bleed. I abhor the way Theismann tries to speak with this air of importance on just about everything, 3/4 of the time making a ton of John-Madden-like redundant comments. It’s funny how guys like Mike & Mike & Dan Patrick on ESPN Radio seem to respect him so much, and always steer clear of critiquing that broadcast crew in general (yet DP put the heat on Irvin when he appeared on his show after his “pipe” incident…)
    I should start a petition to get Dan Fouts back on some NFL broadcasts….

  6. Big Daddy Big Daddy


  7. Andy Andy

    I’ve never been able to tell if Theismann or Maguire was worse. Perhaps they were trying to outdumb each other, and now that they’re separated, they will become insightful and amusing.

    And monkeys might fly out of my butt.

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