Since ESPN/ABC traded Al Michaels to NBC for the rights to Friday Ryder Cup action, some “expanded highlights,” from Notre Dame games (good, because ESPN traditionally hasn’t shown enough Notre Dame highlights) and Olympics, as well as the rights to some damn cartoon rabbit.
That is outstanding. I didn’t even know you could do that. Does ESPN have a general manager working the phones all day? Did Michael Irvin’s trade value take a major hit when he was found with a pipe in his car? I bet now they can only get Armen Keteyian and the rights to all the nude Richard Hatch footage from Survivor. I just wonder how often they try to move Paul McGuire.
ESPN GM: Hello. We’re calling to gauge your interest in acquiring Paul McGuire.
CBS GM: God dammit, this isn’t funny anymore.
ESPN GM: Listen, all we want in return is Bonnie Bernstein.
CBS GM: I wouldn’t trade you one of Bonnie Bernstein’s fucked-up scarves for Paul McGuire..
ESPN GM: Dan Marino?
CBS GM: Closer. But no.
ESPN GM: Come on. It’s just Dan Marino.
CBS GM: I’ll give you all Dan Marino’s Super Bowl rings in exchange for Paul McGuire.
ESPN GM: That’s not funny.
CBS GM: I have no interest in Paul McGuire, unless you’re going to hollow him out, stuff him with candy, and let me beat him with a stick.
ESPN GM: If that was legal, I’d be doing it right now.
CBS GM: Goodbye.
ESPN GM: Fuck.
The other bit of good news here is that (presumably) Al Michaels is gone from NBA broadcasts, where he was terrible. It’s one thing to set him next to John Madden, because while I do like Madden, they’re not always talking about football, and Madden’s not always real in-depth with the Xs and Os. But Michaels next to Hubie Brown is a whole other thing. Hubie loves Xs and Os, he actually teaches the game in his commentary, but you’ve got to pray that Al Michaels doesn’t just trample all over him by interjecting his own thoughts on basketball strategy and his lame-ass jokes. NBC can let Al Michaels and Bob Costas host their own one-hour show entitled, “Let’s Talk About How Great We Are.”