Archive for February 20th, 2006

February20

Giant Douche finishes sixth in Giant Slalom

By: the mighty mjd

Life can be hard for Nike-endorsing rebels who live life on their own terms.Bode Miller is now 0-for-the Olympics, failing to medal in his 4th event. He’s only got one left, and it’s said to be his weakest event, which is kind of hard to imagine. He finished sixth in the giant slalom, which, don’t get me wrong, makes him a pretty bad motherfucker. But if you’re going to make yourself a human headline machine, it’d be nice if you bothered to win a medal on the world’s biggest stage.

“One of the good things about my career is I have such extensive knowledge, so I always go as hard as I can. Some guys can go 70-80 percent and get results, but I wouldn’t do that. If things went well, I could be sitting on four medals, maybe all of them gold.”

You know, if things went well for Scott Norwood, he’d be a Super Bowl champion right now. If things went well for Craigh Ehlo, Michael Jordan wouldn’t have buried a jumper in his grill. A lot of things could’ve gone a lot of ways… but you’ve had four chances at it, chief, and not once has it gone well.

I’m trying to understand the guy, but I’m just not getting it. I don’t understand the part about not being disappointed when you lose. He says things like, oh, kids shouldn’t get down on themselves for not winning, for not being the best, it’s all about fulfilling their potential… and I get that. That’s great. But then he goes out, clearly comes up way short of his potential, and that’s okay?

I don’t get it. I’d like to like the guy, but I can’t… maybe one of you who has joined Bode can help explain things to me. But for now, I’m not going to Join Bode. But Bode can feel free join me in the Guys Who Didn’t Win Medals In Torino Club, as I suspect he will when he fails to medal in his 5th and final event.

Posted in: Torino17 comments

February20

Bryant Gumbel gets militant

By: the mighty mjd

This looks like a man who could start a riot at ANY SECOND.Well, no, not really. I know I’m late on this, but if you missed it, like me, Bryant Gumbel had this to say recently on HBO’s Real Sports:

Finally, tonight, the Winter Games. Count me among those who don’t care about them and won’t watch them. In fact, I figure that when Thomas Paine said that “these are the times that try men’s souls,” he must’ve been talking about the start of another Winter Olympics. Because they’re so trying, maybe over the next three weeks we should all try too. Like, try not to be incredulous when someone attempts to link these games to those of the ancient Greeks who never heard of skating or skiing.

So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world’s greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the winter games look like a GOP convention. Try not to point out that something’s not really a sport if a pseudo-athlete waits in what’s called a kiss-and-cry area, while some panel of subjective judges decides who won. And try to blot out all logic when announcers and sportswriters pretend to care about the luge, the skeleton, the biathlon and all those other events they don’t understand and totally ignore for all but three weeks every four years.

Face it — these Olympics are little more than a marketing plan to fill space and sell time during the dreary days of February. So if only to hasten the arrival of the day they’re done, when we can move on to March Madness — for God’s sake, let the games begin.

Well… yeah. I agree in the sense that these are not the “best athletes in the world,” and I never thought for a second that they were. They’re just guys who happen to be good at some winter sport. What Bryant Gumbel said was fine, and that the Winter Olympics exist is fine. As I’ve said, if it’s competitive, and there’s a medal on the line, I can enjoy damn near anything, if it’s just once every four years. If NASCAR only existed for about a week, once every four years, I’d probably a buy a damn Dale Rusty Junior sticker for my car.

But people are apparently pretty upset with Gumby. I just can’t believe people are making a big deal about what he said about the lack of black athletes. It’s not an insult to white athletes, but it’s a fact that just about the entire continent of Africa is all but excluded from the Winter Olympics, because of economic and climate reasons. That’s the way things are. If you exclude half the people in the world from participating, then no, you can’t claim to have the best athletes in the world. You may have the best skiiers, you might have the best bobsledders, you might have the best curlers… but best athletes? Sorry. They just aren’t.

And he’s right when he says that the Winter Olympics are a marketing plan to fill space and sell time. But… you know, that’s pretty much the definition of big-time sports in America. It’s all about marketing, it’s all about TV time, and it’s all about ad revenue. No matter how entertaining or meaningful you find it to be, at the end of the day, it exists for television and ad revenue. Period. For every sport.

Posted in: Media, Torino4 comments

February20

LeBron may have killed Tracy McGrady

By: the mighty mjd

Look for Tracy McGrady on an upcoming episode of Dr. Phil, very soon.I’m upset about LeBron winning the MVP, for two reasons. One, he didn’t deserve it. Two, it might mean the end of Tracy McGrady’s life.

Don’t get me wrong, LeBron made some buckets, and I understand that 90% of the time, the MVP is going to go to the guy in the winning team with the most points. And LeBron did have his moments, and that’s terrific… if there was a “Most Likely To Hoist Up Long Contested Jumpers with :18 On The Shot Clock And Make A Lot Of Them” Award, then sure… LeBron can have it.

And it wasn’t even King James that turned the tide of the game, it was the batallion of Pistons. But I understand that you can’t give the MVP to four guys, and I’m not necessarily looking for justice in the All-Star MVP award. I guess I don’t care that much… but LeBron James is the least worthy All-Star MVP of all-time.

I don’t even think the East shouldn’t even have won… they should’ve intentionally thrown the game. It was great that they made it close and competitive, but they should have bricked some shots down the stretch on purpose… so the West would win and Tracy McGrady could have the MVP. That guy looks like he might kill himself at any second… they should’ve let him have the All-Star MVP in his own city. I don’t think that’s asking too much.

I mean, look at that picture. The look on T-Mac’s face says, “You’re going to make that shot and take my MVP, aren’t you? Jesus, I can’t do anything right. Everything in this world is against me. Fuck, man.” That’s great, LeBron. I hope a shiny new trophy is worth making a good man take his own life.

Even Kobe was passing T-Mac the ball last night. That’s how bad everyone feels for the guy, for whatever happens to get going on in his life. And they can’t even let him have one silly little MVP award? Are you happy, LeBron? Tracy McGrady’s going to stick his head in an oven, and it’s your fault.

Posted in: NBA9 comments

February20

All-Star Weekend, etc…

By: the mighty mjd

I might even have to name that one the greatest dunk of all time...• Slam Dunk Contest: No one changed their score on the final dunk of the evening. I’ve consulted the DVR, and the judges all held up their scores, and then put them down, and held them back up again. None of them changed. Now, do I think they might have exchanged glances and nods to make sure that they weren’t going to put up another tie? I do. But after Nate Robinson missed an astounding 14 times, and Andre Iguodala was clearly out of dunks, I don’t have a problem with them just ending it right there. I think they conspired to send it into a dunk-off, too, which was a mistake.

• The dunk of the night, however, belonged to Andre Iguodala. First of all, he had to convince Allen Iverson to pass him the ball. That alone doubles the degree of difficulty. And then taking a pass off the back of the glass, catching it, and swooping underneath and dunking on the other side… That might be the most physically difficult dunk that anyone’s ever completed… it’s too bad for him that he didn’t save it for the Finals.

• The player introductions were the highlight of the show… I liked the symphony idea during the intros, even though I’m sure that playing “Crazy Train” and “Lose Yourself” were not the highlights of these musicians lives. And you had to love the East All-Stars dance routine as they were introduced. I don’t know if they ever said who organized it, but that screams of Shaq. I thought it was outstanding. I’d seen enough of guys getting introduced and then standing there and looking like Tracy McGrady.

• I was alright with the halftime. Not thrilled, but not horrified either. John Legend was cool, and the other girl was OK, I guess, but she just seemed out of place. David Stern’s gotta get over his aversion to hip-hop… the idea halftime show last night would’ve been Houston local Mike Jones blowing the roof off the place, and then every fan in the building getting to punch Cowboy Troy in his ugly hick face.

(Edit:  If you don’t read Bill Simmons’ legendary All-Star weekend column… you’re only cheating yourself.)

Posted in: NBA5 comments

February20

Ricky’s mom: Ricky on yoga pills

By: the mighty mjd

Hook 'em... Hooker.Ricky Williams’ mother doesn’t believe that her precious boy has been gripped once again by reefer madness, but she believes his positive test is probably for some legal supplement he’s taking in conjunction with his yoga.

“I’ll bet my life he’s not smoking marijuana,” she told the Post on Sunday. “He’s so particular about what he puts in his body now. I would just be shocked. I just don’t believe he’s smoking weed.”

“I’m thinking maybe it was one of his [legal] supplements for his yoga school. I really just don’t believe he’s smoking weed.”

Of course, as an alert commenter pointed out, it may not even be a positive test, it could just be that he missed a test. And since his yoga training is in India, that seems perfectly believable, too.

Either way, even if he’s just hopped up on some yoga goofballs, I don’t see the NFL giving him a pass. He is Ricky Williams… repeat offender, and general wacky guy. Guys like that generally don’t get the benefit of the doubt. But I hope, somehow, things turn out OK for the guy.

Posted in: NFL2 comments

February20

Jerome Bettis signs on with NBC

By: the mighty mjd

I have been fortunate enough to never have seen the Jerome Bettis Show.Jerome has taken a position as a studio analyst with NBC. I’m a little unsure about Jerome’s abilities as an analyst… Yes, he’s got a great personality, he’s a likable guy, he smiles, women and children find him to be adorable and cuddly, but… ever heard him say anything of substance? Neither have I.

The times he’s popped into the CBS studio on bye weeks, etc., he’s been… fine. Just kinda there. Not stuttering like crazy, comfortable on camera, but saying things like, “I think they’ll come out and play hard and get the win today,” and, “Bowling’s a lot of fun!”

Of course, for NBC, it probably doesn’t hurt that the Steelers are going to be playing the first game of the season on a Thursday night on NBC, where Bettis will be getting his ring. That’ll make for a nice self-promotional TV moment for them. It might even be Jerome Bettis Night in Pittsburgh, where they unveil a big Jerome Statue, let Ben Roethlisberger dry-hump it, and then name a bowling alley after him.

Posted in: Media, NFL2 comments

February20

Ricky Williams once again goofed on skunkweed

By: the mighty mjd

I believe there are actually two or three small marijuana plants growing in his beard.Various reports have Dolphins running back Ricky Williams violating the NFL’s substance abuse policy for the fourth time, necessitating a one-year ban from the league. I don’t know what the positive test was for, but I think marijuana is probably a pretty good guess. Anything else would be a pretty big upset.

It’s sad, and… kinda strange. I thought the guy had it together. He had a great year running the ball for the Dolphins, his teammates and coaches seemed to like him, and he was set to be a part of a very productive Miami Dolphin backfield next year. And now it looks like he’ll be out for the year.

It’s just hard to figure the guy. I know it probably makes me a sucker, but I’m truly surprised by this. I really thought whatever problems he had were behind him… and it seemed like he thought they were, too.

I guess if marijuana is more important to the guy than football, hey, have at it, Cheech. I’m not judging that. And if it’s just a matter of really not wanting to be in the NFL, that’s fine, too. Being good at football doesn’t mean he’s going to enjoy it, and it doesn’t mean he has to do it. But if he really wanted to play (and I thought he did), and he just can’t kick the habit… well, that’s sad, in a few different ways.

More on this later, I’m sure.

Posted in: NFL4 comments

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