23

Oh, Our Spoiled American Athletes…

The poor man also went on numerous shopping trips with Johnny Weir, apparently...You know, our Olympic hockey team didn’t catch a lot of flak for their horrendous performance in Torino. I realize that it’s because no one cares about hockey, but still… I think it’s a little unfair that when our basketball team comes home with bronze, everyone calls them a bunch of lazy, selfish, pussbags… and no one says a word about the hockey team. And I thought about complaining that that was unfair, when I thought, instead… I could just call our hockey team a bunch of lazy, selfish, pussbags.

And so, Mike Modano… you, my friend, are pussbag numero uno. Mike had this to say after the Olympics:

“Basically, we were on our own as far as arrangements, flights, hotels, tickets. Normally, that’s something you don’t have to think about. That’s something that should be taken care of so we don’t have to worry about it and can focus on hockey and get ready to play.”

Is that really your excuse, man? You were thinking of scoring some goals, but it was too hard, because you had to call a travel agent a week ago? What the fuck? Come on, man… make up an injury or something. Say that there was poor ice in Torino. Say you had too much pasta, say you lost your lucky jock strap… but you had to make arrangements to get there? That’s your big problem? Fuck. You.

Teemu Selanne heard his excuse and responded:

“Everybody has to do it. There’s no help. Nobody had direct flights here. It’s not easy for anybody. You have jet lag and then you play six games in eight nights.”

Translation: “I did all that, too. But I’m undefeated. Why? Because I am not a pussbag like Mike Modano.”

Share

Matthew J. Darnell

23 Comments

  1. I think a major difference is that the basketball teams are much more talented than everyone else and are expected to easily win gold, while the US hockey team was poorly put together and was expected to suck.

  2. We weren’t expected to medal at all. If you are going to follow hockey, follow hockey.

    Please stop doing it just cause its fashionable.

  3. If you had just lost a tough game, you’d say some messed up things too. HE even admitted he made those comments cause he was frustrated.

    But that story won’t get reported.

  4. Pussbag. Excellent. It seems you can’t find a blog out there anymore that doesn’t use the word “deuche” 432 times. Gold medal for originality Mighty.

    Just curious: why does everyone want their opinions or comments to read like they’re translating something. Michael. Irvin. Said?

  5. “I think it’s a little unfair that when our basketball team comes home with bronze, everyone calls them a bunch of lazy, selfish, pussbags… and no one says a word about the hockey team.”

    There’s a difference between hockey and basketball, and it’s not just that hockey is a very gay and boring sport. Hockey isn’t our sport. Americans didn’t make it, and Americans aren’t ever considered the favorite. When you look at the other teams out there, they have a ton of a stars. When you look at the US team, well let’s just say there aren’t as many. That’s why nobody cares when they lose.

    In basketball, we are always the favorite, and it’s an American sport where we have the best athletes in the world. When we don’t win and get the bronze. Yeah the team is a bunch of “lazy, selfish, pussbags.” And that MJD is why people care when we lose in bball and not in Hockey.

  6. I love it when hockey dorks get all offended when people criticize there stupid sport. If Allen Iverson made the same comment he would be crushed for it for days on talk radio, Jim Rome…etc.

    Hockey is for losers too stupid to move to a warmer climate.

    As for following MJD not following hockey close enough….please don’t, no one wants to read about it. Hockey is not a major sport. Seriously, follow indoor lacrosse or arena football instead.

    BTW “Dookie” … when did toothless mullet wearing canadians become “fashionable”? I guess I missed that issue of GQ.

  7. The difference is that there are about 12 people in the US who actually play hockey with almost none of them being on the level of players in Canada or Eastern Europe. We fucking INVENTED basketball and have dominated it for pretty much as long as it has been an Olympic sport, especially now that NBA players are involved. We aren’t expected to win in hockey, we are in basketball. That and, well, who gives a fuck about hockey?

  8. If you want to see an underachieving hockey team take some flak, check out tsn.ca. Our friends from north of the border are getting hammered by the Canadian press and fans.

  9. You can’t compare hockey to basketball. In olympic hockey it is way more competitive than basketball there are 8 good teams. USA DOMINATED the competition in the olympics and have way more talent than everyone else. USA hockey team sucks and was probably the worst one of the top 7 and not expected to do very much. So it really isn’t unfair that nobody rips on the hockey team for losing. Because they were expected to.

  10. I know we weren’t expected to medal… but we were expected to win more than one game, right?

  11. For those of you who are like “they weren’t expected to do anything, so lay off”: while it’s true that I didn’t really expect them to medal, they were expected to actually put forth some kind of effort. They were expected to make it look like they could medal if things fell their way. We tied Lativa, for God’s sake! I don’t care how not favored you are…if you can’t be bothered to beat Latvia, you are a bunch of lazy, selfish pussbags. Latvia lost to Russia
    9-2! For the love of all that is holy, they lost to Kazakhstan! Kazakhstan!!! Was anyone aware that the Kazakhs even played hockey? Why didn’t we just go ahead and lose to Kazakhstan while we were at it. Might as well have. Now Kazakhstan has to suffer through the national embarrassment of losing to a bunch of pussbags on skates.

  12. Sharpen up Occam’s Razor. These guys partied all week and didn’t take it seriously.

  13. They probably should have beat Latvia. But other than that, no. Everyone else is better than them. Canada, Czech, Slovakia, Sweden, Finland, Russia. Those are the top teams. USA is worse than all of them (on paper and in game).

  14. SI projected a quarterfinal finish. frankly, i don’t think people gave much of a shit regardless, unless they beat russia and started believing in miracles.

  15. mike modanos comments personify hockey. noone cares about it and he makes up a bullshit excuse to get people talking. no one cares about hockey so they have those gay brawls and fights to wake the people in the arena up while there dozing off, wondering why the fuck they came in the first place.

  16. Since we be talkin bout da LIMPIKS!

    1) the usoc needs to clean house on the skiing side; if miller isn’t donating one of his bazillions to the ski team, something is wrong; nice to see nike take a bath on that fat worthless piece of shiite; next time just wear a beer hat from the gate and go for the budweiser endorsement, you lazy turd

    2) bad ratings? quit showing CURLING! ferfukssake its the freaking OLYMPICS! the only thing less athletic is darts! maybe watching something live instead of delayed N hours would help too

    3) speed skating controversy? OMG shani and hedrick looks like some kind of lovers spat, is ohno jellus?!?1

    4) hockey just freaking sucks, it’s soccer on ice. if your sport goes on strike for months and NOBODY FREAKING NOTICES maybe you should take the hint; how can anyone in such a worthless sport act like such a prima dona? madona should quit whining and call travelocity, the ingrate; OTOH that’s one hell of an ERA in a real sport; f*** off

  17. Mike Modano, like myslef, hails from Livonia, Michigan. AKA the whitest city in the nation according to the 2000 census.

  18. I found this site googling Modano and Gay…

    What is funny about all of the comments about basketball being an American sport is that fact that is was invented by Canadian James Naismith, and based on the Canadian game Duck On A Rock.

    As for Mikey’s comments, he’s a flaming queen. I would expect him to be in a tizzy over not being waited on hand and foot. Look at the guy, he’s got frosted hair…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *