Archive for March 14th, 2006

March14

The Quarterback Shuffle

By: the mighty mjd

Bye, Drew. *sniffle*Order some turquoise pants with a disproportionately large ass… Daunte Culpepper is now a Dolphin. The Fish have decided to give up a 2nd round pick for Culpepper after they couldn’t come to terms with Drew Brees.

I know I’ve been critical of Culpepper, but I really think this is going to work for the Fish. Daunte is reunited with Scott Linehan, his offensive coordinator for Minnesota when Culpepper was putting up huge numbers. I don’t know what they tried to do with him in Minnesota last year, but it didn’t work… he needs to get back to the old style. He’ll have a passable Randy Moss impersonator at WR in Chris Chambers… and the Dolphins could still be one of the teams to take a chance on Terrell Owens.

And now, it looks like Drew Brees is going to be Saintly… and hey, I wish him the best. I’ve liked Drew Brees since the Chargers drafted him. He works as hard as anyone in the league, he’s a good leader, and he’s a competitor. I’ll miss him, I’ll miss that weird birthmark, and I wish the Chargers would have kept him. I sound very gay.

But I just don’t see this working out well for him. I mean, he’s getting his money, so that’s good for him, but… it’s hard to see the Saints being a great team anytime soon. I could be wrong… if McAllister’s healthy, they’ve got good receivers, they can draft defense now (or trade down and acquire more picks), so the pieces are in place. But the whole situation still feels unstable. I was behind the Saints last year, and I will be even moreso now, but… I dunno. It just doesn’t seem like an ideal situation for free agents. I hope I’m wrong.

And there are rumblings that Drew’s shoulder was not as close to healthy as Team Brees would have you believe. Some say he might not even play this year… and the Saints just gave him a ton of guaranteed money. We’ll see.

Posted in: Uncategorized10 comments

March14

If Trey Wingo Was More Like Andrew Dice Clay…

By: the mighty mjd

Seperated at birth? Well, not likely.This is what the NCAA Women’s Basketball Tournament Selection Show would’ve been like if Trey Wingo were more like Andrew Dice Clay. Actual comments are in back. Trey Wingo’s comments, if he were more like Andrew Dice Clay, are in red.

Trey Wingo: Well, this is where all decisions are made, the NCAA selection headquarters in Indianapolis. And look at that fucking room. 30 women, one hairstyle. It’s like a girls’ gym teacher convention.

Stacey Dales-Schuman: I’m just happy that you, Trey Wingo, have joined women’s college basketball. No NFL right now.
Trey Wingo: I’m delighted to be here, but let me tell you something, sweetheart. If there was an NFL game today, believe me, I wouldn’t be sitting here talking about women’s fucking basketball. I’d plant my ass in front of a TV, drink a case of beer, root for someone to get injured, and then go fuck my wife before I passed out.

Trey Wingo: Listen, understand. ESPN has their arms completely around this event. Every single game of the tournament will be seen on the ESPN family of networks, which is great news if you’re a woman or a homo. Lifetime and Oxygen are in real fucking trouble this week, aren’t they?

Stacey Dales-Schuman: Check out Purdue. Cherelle George, suspended before the Big 10 tournament for academic reasons. We don’t know if she’s going to play.
Trey Wingo: What, did she fail Home Ec? Here’s your midterm, sweetheart. Do my fucking laundry and polish my knob. There, you get an A. Run along and play some basketball.

Trey Wingo: And then you have Tennessee, hey listen, the committee has always said go play a tough schedule and you’ll be rewarded. Was Tennessee rewarded or punished for that? And what’s their reward going to be, a new pants suit for the coach? Get the fuck outta here.

Stacey Dales-Schuman: I think what happened here was that Tennessee’s left cheek got smacked and then their right cheek got smacked.
Trey Wingo: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on there, sweetheart. That’s the Diceman’s territory there. You want me to slap some asses, bring ‘em right here, bend ‘em over my knee, and I’ll paddle their flat little asses with my prick, OH!

Kara Lawson: How about the Kentucky women getting a higher seed than the Kentucky men? The ladies are rulin’ the roost in Lexington.
Trey Wingo: Wait a second, bitch. No one’s rulin’ anybody’s roost, cuz I’m about to put my cock in the henhouse right now. If the ladies at Kentucky want to rule the roost, they can play the men 5-on-5, and see how that goes. Loser has to toss my salad. Whaddaya say, bitch?

Trey Wingo: Vivian, before we let you go, we have to ask you, you were at Temple when John Chaney was there, so hey… you ever blow Bill Cosby?

Vivian Stringer: (John Chaney) touched my life in a very personal way and–
Trey Wingo: Oh, I bet he did, ya fuckin’ whore.

Trey Wingo: You want numbers? I got your numbers. How about 24 points and 26 rebounds… and 12 inches I’d like to shove down her fuckin’ throat, OH!

Trey Wingo: When we return, we will talk to the head of the selection committee and ask them: How the fuck can anyone stand to watch women’s basketball?

Posted in: College Hoops, ESPN, Media17 comments

March14

The Return Of Starbury

By: the mighty mjd

ANGRY Starbury. Grrrr. Now he's not going to pass anyone the ball.Tremendous news out of New York for those of you who love selfish dickhead basketball… Stephon Marbury has vowed to go back to “Starbury.” I’ll let him explain.

“I went into this year trying to do something, to put myself in a situation where we can win, okay?” Marbury said on Saturday. “To help the team win games. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. So, what do I do now, as far as the way I play? I go back to playing like Stephon Marbury, aka Starbury. I haven’t been Starbury this year. I’ve been some other dude this year.”

Following a win over Milwaukee last week, Marbury said: “We’re still trying to figure out what we’re supposed to do on the basketball court.”

YES. THAT IS CORRECT. You don’t know what to do on the basketball court. Larry Brown is trying to teach you, but you are dumb.

More from the the New York Daily news article and the legendary “Starbury.”

Those comments came one day after Marbury elected to argue a non-foul call rather than play defense against Chicago’s Ben Gordon. While Marbury protested, Gordon hit the go-ahead three-pointer.

On Saturday, Marbury complimented Charlotte rookie point guard Raymond Felton, saying, “He plays with so much confidence. (Bobcats coach Bernie) Bickerstaff, he does a great job of instilling that in his players. He allows players a lot of freedom, as you can see.”

Ouch. Brown’s most stinging comment about Marbury came when he said in December, “We don’t have a head out there.” Lately, he throws jabs at Marbury by praising Jalen Rose and Steve Francis as “ball movers.”

Now, I don’t think it’s right of Larry Brown to criticize Steve Francis for what he and Cuttino Mobley do in their free time. But I get his point. Check it out, Starbury. Steve Francis was just traded to your team, and Larry Brown says he moves the ball better than you do. Steve Francis. This is not John Stockton we’re talking about here.

I’m going to try my hardest to make “Starbury” an adjective in the sports lexicon. Whenever an athlete is acting selfish, he/she is being completely Starbury. Athletes can “pull a Starbury,” or “go Starbury on us.” As a verb, a selfish player can be “Starburying it up out there.” It could even be a noun, such as, “Man, Randy Moss just pulled a Starbury.”

I’ve submitted it to urbandictionary.com, and they’re reviewing it. I’ll let you know how it turns out.

Posted in: NBA3 comments

© Copyright . All Rights Reserved.