Archive for March 15th, 2006

Yes, the leaderboard confirms your greatness.  And yes, you are still a dork.Recent changes to Augusta National have the golf course sounding like a spam e-mail… it has safely gotten longer and harder. It’s greatest champion, though (for another few years anyway), has some issues with it.

Someone asked Jack Nicklaus whether or not it was still possible for someone to make a miraculous Sunday charge on the back nine. Here’s what the Golden Bear had to say:

“I know what Augusta is trying to do,” Nicklaus said. “Whether they’ve gone overboard, I’m not sure. But they’ve eliminated a lot of guys who are able to do that. Could Tiger (Woods) do that? Or Ernie Els? Or Vijay (Singh)? Yes. Could Mike Weir or Jose Maria (Olazabal) — one of those guys of moderate length — could they do that? Probably not. That’s the change at Augusta I have a hard time with.”

And I agree wholeheartedly. In adding and adding and adding to their golf course, it seems like Augusta National has lost something. As much as I hate the culture that surrounds the club, there is something special about the course itself that just shouldn’t be fucked with.

I just don’t want to see it become like a U.S. Open course–ungodly length, punishing rough, greens as hard and undulating as Mark McGwire’s bare chest. Those things are fine at the U.S. Open, but it used to feel like Augusta was about something completely different.

I don’t care if the scores there get lower. I don’t care if -20 wins it. It’s still a test of golf that’s equal to everyone, and I’d rather see the shortknockers have a chance to get close to Tiger at -20 than see only a handful of guys who have the length to win the tournament at -7 or -8.

I think they should just make everyone play the damn thing with wooden clubs.

He kinds looks like he has fur.The Vikings signed the free agent guard to an offer sheet that Seattle now has the option to match, which sounds simple enough. But his agent Tom Condon, and the Vikings got creative. The first-year of the contract is for $7 million. There’s also a clause that says if Hutchinson isn’t the highest-paid offensive lineman on the team, his entire contract becomes guaranteed.

So… if Seattle matches the offer sheet, Hutchinson makes $7 million this year… but Seattle offensive tackle Walter Jones is scheduled to make $7.5 million. And thus, Hutchinson would not be the highest-paid lineman on the team, and his entire $50 million contract would become guaranteed.

The Seahawks are pissed. They put the Transition Tag on him instead of the Franchise Tag, just so Hutchinson wouldn’t get mad. The idea was that he’d use the Transition Tag to test the market, gauge his value, and then see if the the ‘Hawks could afford to keep him. Instead, he went out and signed this bad motherfucker of a contract… and the Seahawks think it was totally starbury of him.

Sorry, fellas… it’s the NFL. Careers are short, contracts are not guarnateed, and there’s never been any loyalty going from team to player, so I don’t know why it should go back the other way, either. A guy’s gotta get what he can, when he can get it. I think it’s brilliant work by Tom Condon.

Dick Trickle, contrary to popular belief, did not have this on his racing helmet.Bill Lester will attempt this weekend to become the fastest driving black man to not be pulled over in Georgia. He is trying to become the first black man to qualify for a NASCAR race in 20 years.

Hey, best of luck to him. I have no idea how good a driver he is. Or, perhaps more important to his success, I don’t know how good his car is. I hope he just comes out of nowhere and wins the thing, so we can all witness 80,000 white southerners in attendance at the Atlanta motor speedway turn to each other and say, “Someone wanna fuckin’ explain this to me?”

The guy says he doesn’t want to be known as a black race car driver, but just as a race car driver who happens to be black… which tells me he doesn’t have a lot of interest in real cutural change. Which is fine. Not everyone has to be a crusader. But it’s a little disappointing to me that he won’t be sponsored by The Black Panthers and drive around with a big black fist painted on his hood.

Instead, he will be sponsored by “Waste Management.” Indeed, there is progress left to be made.

I wonder if there are any NBA players who don't like Scarface.Here’s how Shaq gets down on his birthday:

• He rents out a mansion and redecorates every room to look like a set from the movie Scarface
• It includes Frank Lopez’s all-white living room and Gina’s beauty salon, which gave full hand massages, manicures, and pedicures
• Also includes Club Babylon, with a 1930′s Cadillac parked out front
• Party was attended by Star Jones, Vivica Fox, and Scarface star Steven Bauer
• Had a cake flown in from Napa Valley
• The Happy Birthday song was performed by Julio Iglesias Jr.
• And the entire party cost $300,000

That… seems a little excessive.

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