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Fuck Your Bracket

I know you picked the 12 over the 5.  That's because you're a damn genius.Hello everyone. I’m MJD. Perhaps you remember me.

Anyway, sorry for the hiatus. I have been, as you may have guessed, ball-deep in a college basketball orgy. It’s about all I’ve done over the past three days. And if I’ve learned one thing, it’s this: I am tired of hearing about your fucking bracket.

You are not the first person to ever fill one out.  You are not special or unique.  My enjoyment of this sporting event does not hinge on how many first round matchups you won or lost.
I just don’t care. I find it despicable that you’re rooting for a 3-seed over 14-seed because you’ve got the 3-seed winning it all. The tournament is about upsets, it’s about fun, it’s about great basketball and contrasting styles and David kicking Goliath in his steroid-shrunken balls… and it irks me to no end that people will root against historic upsets because of a tournament pool that they’re not going to win anyway. I’m sure there are those of you who feel differently.

Of course, I’m on Deadspin this weekend, and I’ll be back with you here on Monday… I hope you’re enjoying the tournament.


  1. Sounds like someone had Michigan State in the final.

  2. dave dave

    You go, MJD.

    I have never, and will never, win one of these things. I rooted for Murray St. I pulled hard for Albany. Dammit all, I yearned for Penn.

    My bracket is blown all to Hell as usual. I’m enjoying the tourney for what it is.

  3. That was the worst post in the history of blogs.

  4. Brackets join Fantasy Football as things that are only interesting to hear about if you’re directly involved.

  5. Pacifist is right. Brackets are up there with fantasy sports and poker bad beats as things none of us give a shit about except when they involve us.

  6. Bouj Bouj

    I have UConn in the final, but I will tell you this: nobody was cheering more for the Danes than me. When you are five minutes away from the Biggest Upset In The History Of College Basketball, you had better get behind the underdog.

  7. stedmala stedmala

    MJD, you are DEAD-ON as usual!
    There is nothing more ignorant than to root for Tennessee against the Shockers because you “…had the Vols in the Sweet 16”!
    Nice pick Nostradamus – now go celebrate with the other 138 million people who took the Vols.
    Real fans root for upsets – human buttholes root for their $25 pool at work.

    Great post, thanks!

  8. Thanks for taking the time to plug my blog MJD…

  9. fp fp

    I have UConn over Texas and yet was outright rooting for Albany and Penn to just TRY and hold on to their respective leads. Sometims, once in a blue moon, the sport should beat out personal financial gain.

  10. Mullet Mullet

    Well said. I’ve had to sit and watch this tournament with a guy who pulls for the big schools because he “respects what they’ve done.” Why do I keep watching it with him? Because I have to argue with him and try to show him the error of his ways. I also like to call him a “woman” and ask to finger-bang his vagina. It’s pretty frustrating. Everytime a better seed wins, he says “See?” I, of course, tell him that they are supposed to win and explain that he’s missing the point of the tournament. I’m getting mad right now and I think I’m gonna find him and try to see his woman parts. FUCK BRACKETS!

  11. Though it’s not like first round upsets are that rare anymore. These upsets are pretty commonplace–I have a hard time seeing them as great stories (though obviously they are for those schools). But a team scoring two straight upsets and getting to the Sweet 16, that’s a story.

  12. Brackets are half the fun. I fill them out whether or not I have money involved or not.

    For whatever reason, I can’t root for teams I’ve never seen play or heard of, regardless of what my bracket might read.

    It’s not like people only root for higher seeded teams, but why should they stop rooting for teams they like, just because the team they like is playing against and underdog?

    If you want me to go through my bracket and tell you games I rooted against the team I picked, I can go on all day, but don’t sit around here and tell people who they should and shouldn’t root for and if their reasons for rooting a certain way are justified or not.

    The tourament might be about upsets for some people, but for people like me, it’s about rooting on my favorite team, hoping all the teams I hate lose, and enjoying the rest of the tourney for what it is. If by chance the bracket I filled out happens to win me some money, more power to me.

  13. Mullet Mullet

    No one’s saying that you shouldn’t root for YOUR team. But, when you don’t have a vested interest in either team, it’s human nature to pull for the underdog. No one goes to see “Rocky” to cheer for Apollo Creed, Clubber Lang, or the ‘mighty’ Russian. No one watches “Hoosiers” and hopes that they lose the final game. Neutral fans tend to cheer for the underdog. Upsets make the tournament fun.
    And, Billy Packer doesn’t seem to like upsets, either. So, there’s that, too.

  14. DookieStyle DookieStyle

    As per usual, Doug sucks.

  15. Adam Adam

    I disagree completely, brackets are part of the fun that is March Madness. Upsets are cool either way, but part of the fun in them is trying to PREDICT those upsets. Even if I wind up being wrong and a 11 seed that I didn’t expect to do anything DOES wind up going to the sweet sixteen I can stop and say “well yeah, sure it fucked up my brakcet, but damned it wasn’t cool.” And besides, I HAVE won my pool a couple times in the last few years so eat it MJD.

  16. It’s even more fun when a professional writer like Peter King takes time out of his MMQB to talk about his bracket. No matter how often I swear that a given King article is the last I’ll ever read, the allure of pro football commentary draws me back.

  17. rwn3f rwn3f

    of course human nature causes us to pull for dogs, but the tournament is not about upsets, its about annoiting the best team in the country. do you route for dogs in any other championship? Does anyone really want to see a butler-penn final? you may pull for it in the moment, but after the fact, id rather see the best two teams on the court.

    that being said, fuck tenessee for taking down winthrop and fuck sdsu for choking against indiana.

    and doug, im with ya, except for everything you said. youre an idiot

  18. Mullet Mullet

    I’ll worry about that Butler-Penn matchup, or one similar, when it never happens. Until then, stick it to the “man”

  19. Gawd, is there anyone who wouldn’t want a Butler-Penn final? That would be magic.

  20. I go to KU. I burned my bracket in the back yard.

  21. […] However, things got better in the evening. And while most don’t care, Florida’s win over UCLA cemented my victory in the 115 entry bracket pool in which I participated. I do feel a tad responsible for prostituting the nation’s youth, at least the ones playing in the NCAA Men’s Basketball tournament. Not surprisingly, I don’t feel the least bit bad about it. They play. I wager. It’s the circle of life. Or something like that. […]

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