Archive for March 21st, 2006

March21

Hey, Big Ups To Japan…

By: the mighty mjd

The Japanese won because their manager guided them with the same expertise that Mr. Fuji guided the Berzerker.I almost forget to congratulate the Japanese for their WBC victory last night over Cuba. Ichiro is proving himself to be Japan’s most beloved and heroic sports figure since Mr. Fuji left the WWF.

I think they had the coolest uniforms in all the tournament… the flat black batting helmets with the raised lettering on them were pretty slick. Much more likable than Cuba’s fire engine red pants. Imagine CC Sabathia in a pair of those bright red nut-huggers.. Actually, don’t. Why do baseball pants have to be so tight anyway?

I actually watched a lot of the game… which is to say that it was on, I was in the room, and whenever Jon Miller’s voice rose, I looked at the TV. That’s about as much attention as I can give baseball at the moment. I’m trying to get back into it, but it’s just too… fucking… slow.  I don’t know how a country with such a short collective attention span decided on baseball as our national pasttime.  Arena Football seems much more apt.

The WBC was a cool thing. I am firmly in support of future WBC endeavors, especially if Team USA agrees not to suck next time.

Posted in: Baseball7 comments

March21

I’m Digging Joakim Noah

By: the mighty mjd

It looks comfortable... we should probably all be wearing the damn things.One of my favorite things about the tournament thus far has been watching Florida’s weird-looking Joakim Noah. He’s got a Chris Bosh body and a Troy Polamalu haircut… and seems like a smart guy with a likable personality.

I had barely watched Florida this year, mainly because I felt the entire SEC sucked balls, and that there was no way that Florida was as good as their record. Maybe I was wrong about that (see what that looks like, Billy Packer?). They’re certainly hitting on all cylinders right now.

Anyway, I love how Noah sees the court. He doesn’t have the post-up skills of an NBA player at the moment (though he does have a nice spin move), of course, and he needs to get bigger if he wants to bang inside at the next level… but he sees the court extremely well, he’s got a nice touch around the basket, he plays aggressively, blocks shots, and he’s got a good feel for the game. I think he’d make the ideal Phoenix Sun.

And he wears a big blue dress sometimes. Any man with the courage to leave the house like that… deserves some respect. He also blew a kiss at the UW-Milwaukee band at the end of the last game… they had been shit-talking him all game long, and he responded by torching the Panthers and blowing a kiss at the band. Hard not to like that.

Florida/Georgetown is the late game on Friday.

Posted in: College Hoops13 comments

March21

Terrell Owens Gets A Book Deal

By: the mighty mjd

To be a douchebag, or not to be a douchebag... I think you know what the fuck I chose.Coming in July: “Ineligible Receiver: The Real Story of My Journey from the Super Bowl to the Sidelines,” by Terrell Owens. Through my various media contacts, I’ve been able to acquire a list of chapters for the upcoming book:

1. I could play basketball in Greece if I wanted.
2. GodDAMN! My abs are sweet.
3. Jeff Garcia has sex with men. Gross.
4. I wonder why Jeff Garcia never wanted to do me. Strange.
5. People who like me: Drew Rosenhaus, Michael Irvin, and… um…
6. Cooler than you’d think: Masturbating on front of a mirror.
7. I will whoop your ass, Hugh Douglas.
8. My favorite recipes.
9. Hey, I’m just as fucking sick of Sal Paolantonio as you are.
10. Donovan McNabb is a Klansman in blackface.
11. If Andy Reid died, I wouldn’t cry.

Simon & Schuster executive David Rosenthal said, “Finally, the real T.O. story can be told. It’s an important chapter in the long-term struggle for players’ rights in the NFL.”

Easy, dude. It’s Terrell Owens, not Harriet Tubman. This is not a tale of a great American freedom fighter or something. It’s an asshole wideout. Like him or not, he is not an historic figure. He does not need a book to get his message out. It’s not like he’s been hurting for media coverage.

John Rocker and Terrell Owens are both authoring books… I just find it difficult to accept that. I am of the opinion that there’s not enough paper in the world for jagoffs like these to be publishing books. Tonight, I weep for the written word.

Posted in: Media, NFL5 comments

March21

Condoleezza Rice Does Not Want To Be The NFL’s Commissioner

By: the mighty mjd

Looks more like a linebacker than a commissioner.And that’s not a headline I ever thought I’d be writing. In related news, Henry Winkler does not want to be the Bears’ long snapper, and Joey Buttafuoco has no interest in defending Shaq in the lowpost.

But I guess there were reasons for the Condoleezza rumors. She’s talked in the past of her love for football and her desire to one day run the league. And with Paul Tagliabue retiring yesterday, it became a topic of conversation.

“She thinks football is the greatest sport on earth, but even if she were approached for the job — which she has not been — she would have to decline,” State Department spokesman Sean McCormack said.

And then he added, “at the moment.” And if this administration has proven anything, it’s that you can take them at their word.

And while Clayton Bigsby doesn’t like the idea, Patriots owner Bob Kraft is behind it. “I think Condoleezza Rice would be great. I’d invest in any company she’d be running,” Kraft told reporters while attending a Boston Celtics game Monday night.

I guess it would be better to have her as commissioner of the NFL than in her current position.

Posted in: NFL6 comments

March21

One Of The Bigger Meltdowns In Golf History

By: the mighty mjd

Greg Owen should consider adopting this look permanently.It didn’t seem to get a lot of attention – mainly because it involves golfers named Greg Owen and Rod Pampling – but what Owen did was positively brutal.

He had never won before on tour, he was playing great golf, he seemed to have it wrapped up… he had a three shot lead with two holes to play. But on 17, he lipped out a 10-footer for par, leaving him with 40 inches for bogey, and still a two-stroke lead. His next putt did not touch the cup. He rushed to the next two-footer, and lipped it out. Ooooomph.

The list of things that are gone:

• His first tournament win
• An invite to the Masters
• $396,000
• Any reputation he was hoping to build
• All self-esteem

I hurt for the man. I hope he finds a way to win next week at The Players Championship. But if he does come to 17 on Sunday with a lead… well… the 17th this weekend will be an island green that has historically caused people to shiver in terror. It could be ugly.

Best of luck to Greg Owen. Really.

Posted in: Golf2 comments

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