Coming in July: “Ineligible Receiver: The Real Story of My Journey from the Super Bowl to the Sidelines,” by Terrell Owens. Through my various media contacts, I’ve been able to acquire a list of chapters for the upcoming book:

1. I could play basketball in Greece if I wanted.
2. GodDAMN! My abs are sweet.
3. Jeff Garcia has sex with men. Gross.
4. I wonder why Jeff Garcia never wanted to do me. Strange.
5. People who like me: Drew Rosenhaus, Michael Irvin, and… um…
6. Cooler than you’d think: Masturbating on front of a mirror.
7. I will whoop your ass, Hugh Douglas.
8. My favorite recipes.
9. Hey, I’m just as fucking sick of Sal Paolantonio as you are.
10. Donovan McNabb is a Klansman in blackface.
11. If Andy Reid died, I wouldn’t cry.

Simon & Schuster executive David Rosenthal said, “Finally, the real T.O. story can be told. It’s an important chapter in the long-term struggle for players’ rights in the NFL.”

Easy, dude. It’s Terrell Owens, not Harriet Tubman. This is not a tale of a great American freedom fighter or something. It’s an asshole wideout. Like him or not, he is not an historic figure. He does not need a book to get his message out. It’s not like he’s been hurting for media coverage.

John Rocker and Terrell Owens are both authoring books… I just find it difficult to accept that. I am of the opinion that there’s not enough paper in the world for jagoffs like these to be publishing books. Tonight, I weep for the written word.