Kicking indoors, on a rug… Adam Vinatieri might not miss another kick. He’s also probably about to become the first kicker ever taken in the first round of most fantasy drafts.
It’s going to be weird as hell to see that last name across the back of a royal blue jersey. In fact, it’s going to be weird just knowing that the Colts have a player on their roster who isn’t a total fucking donkey when the pressure’s on. Also, he’s apparently into gay glamour photography.
I think it’s a great move for the Colts. Whatever they’re paying for him, it’s worth it. Hell, I think they should name him team captain. I think he should wear all three of his rings to every practice, just to remind Peyton Manning what a winner looks like.
I still do not understand why the Patriots let him go. If he wanted a little more scratch, they should have given it up. Go rent Rounders, skip ahead to the end and listen to Teddy KGB: Pay him. Pay that man his money.
If the different between what he wants, and what the club is willing to spend is even as much as $2 million… big fucking deal. Adam Vinatier’s leg has made Bob Kraft more money than a measly $2 mil a year. That leg might be the most valuable appendage in football. Adam Vinatieri’s leg is worth more than Christina Aguilera’s pussy. And it’s been seen by fewer people.
This could be the most important transaction of the off-season. I’m not saying it is, because, certainly, some great players are changing teams… Edgerrin James, Julian Peterson, LaVar Arrington, etc… but the Colts and Patriots are both going to be in the playoffs, and sooner or later, someone’s going to need a field goal. One team’s going to look to the sidelines and see a quivering, unproven, tower of nerves, and one team is going to see Adam Vinatieri and his balls of steel.
Rusty Says:
March 22nd, 2006 at 9:58 am
Does that leave the Patriots with Vanderjagt? Ugh.
Brandon Says:
March 22nd, 2006 at 12:36 pm
I don’t buy the whole greatest clutch kicker of all time thing. I mostly think it’s strange that Vinatieri keeps ending up in those situations. Only five Super Bowls have been decided by three points or less. One was Colts-Cowboys, one was Norwood’s shank, and three were New England, with Vinatieri providing two game winners. Add the kick in the Tuck game, and that’s three pretty damn clutch kicks. But how many kickers in the NFL have found themselves even kicking with a post-season game on the line? Not that many. Plus, unlike Norwood, and Vanderjagt this year, none of Vinatieri’s kicks were “miss this and lose.” They all broke ties. I think that’s a different kind of pressure (I don’t know because the most pressure I feel is an insistent one in my bowels after drinking beer and whiskey all night). Don’t get me wrong, the dude’s pretty fuckin’ clutch. And he’s got a kickin’ set of abs. But he’s still just a kicker. I bet Gary Anderson would have made them. Or Morton Andersen. Probably not Merlin Anderson, or my high school basketball coach Reggie Anderson.
Brandon Says:
March 22nd, 2006 at 12:38 pm
I just realized that the NFL Merlin I was trying to reference is Merlin Olson. I’ll replace him in my list of Andersons with Harry Anderson. Except I’ll say that Harry Anderson would have made at least one of the kicks. If the black bailiff were holding.
Bouj Says:
March 22nd, 2006 at 12:53 pm
Vinatieri’s first clutch kick in the Tuck Rule Game tied the game. And didn’t the Vikings blow an NFC Championship game to the ATL because Anderson couldn’t make a clutch FG? And Vanderjagt blew that kick against the Steelers.
Let’s not underrate the importance of a guy who comes through when it counts. That’s Vinatieri.
And it’s hard for Peyton to come up big in the playoffs when he plays with both hands wrapped around his neck.
Insomniac Says:
March 22nd, 2006 at 1:01 pm
I think this is a terrible move for the Colts. All this did is remove one position from the list of players that Manning can blame whenever the Colts fall apart in the playoffs. That’s not how you protect your franchise player. Tho I should keep in mind that this is a team with some “protection issues.”
Brandon Says:
March 22nd, 2006 at 1:07 pm
I meant the 30 year-old kicking Anderso(e)ns, not the 45 year old one.
Maybe everyone’s right about Mr. Clutch, and I’m an idiot. Were there two kicks in the Tuck Rule game?
By the way, I’ve figured out the key to being clutch when you’re a kicker. Just don’t give a shit. If you’re a position player, you’ve got to invest a lot emotionally in every game, and I would think that requires caring whether or not you win. But if a kicker doesn’t give a damn about his teammates, and whether they win or lose, he’ll never feel any pressure, and never miss the 19 yard chippy that Norwood missed. I know this theory is correct because I came up with it when I was drunk, and a former college kicker verified it at the time.
Mike Says:
March 22nd, 2006 at 2:41 pm
As a Patriot fan this move scares me. It could set up the ultimate nightmare in the playoffs. The Colts finally beat the Patriots and do it while riding Adam V’s leg.
Who do the Colts have in their running game now though? Hopefully losing Edge hurts them a lot more then gaining Vinatieri.
The Big Picture Says:
March 22nd, 2006 at 2:53 pm
no more “idiot kicker” on the colts, i guess.
Rusty Says:
March 22nd, 2006 at 4:02 pm
Brandon,
Yes there were two Snow Bowl kicks. The first, to tie the game, was the ultra-impressive one. Probably the greatest kick in football history. 45 yards in a foot of snow.
And Norwood missed a 19-yarder? What are you talking about? His Super Bowl miss was from 48 yards. And he missed by inches. 48 yards on grass is no “chippy.”
twoeightnine Says:
March 22nd, 2006 at 4:22 pm
Thanks Rusty, Norwood’s kick was not a gimme. God, I’m tearing up just thinking about it. A couple feet to the left and the fate of Western NY changes forever.
Strangely enough, wikipedia’s entry for “wide right is a term used to describe the series of losses by the Florida State University Seminoles football team to its rival, the University of Miami Hurricanes, resulting largely in part to missed a field goal attempts.”
E Says:
March 22nd, 2006 at 5:00 pm
So after all these years of berating up on them, the Pats must say some shit about the Colts - especially Peyton - behind their backs in the locker room. Does all this get back to the Colts now? Does Vinatieri show up in mini-camps and say “Hey Peyton, you know what Tom’s been saying about you? You’re a ____.” Maybe this is enough to push the Colts over the hump and that’s why they signed him. I mean, the Pitt game notwithstanding, kicking is not the reason the Colts keep choking.
Andy Says:
March 23rd, 2006 at 6:36 pm
Lifelong Colts fan with the obvious: Peyton waves the kicker off the field on 4th down, every time, regardless of circumstance.
Vinatieri might not miss another kick, but he might not get too many more chances.
And again, Joey Porter sacked Manning on consecutive plays because he went completely unblocked both times in the Steelers game. What Peyton said wasn’t nice or team-oriented, but it was true. It still would’ve helped if he would’ve added, “And I made my share of bad throws.”
A-mouse Says:
March 25th, 2006 at 6:35 am
With post, you reaffirm how grateful I am my brother showed me this site.
FUCKING HILARIOUS.
matthew Says:
January 21st, 2007 at 10:56 pm
there’s four and a half minutes left in this game and I remembered this post from almost a year ago. i hope it all comes down to Vintieri.