Liquored-up kicker Mike Vanderjagt is the newest Dallas Cowboy, signing with the team today. Vanderjagt will be replacing all seven of the Cowboys sucky kickers from last season.
Seriously, I can’t remember the least time the Dallas Cowboys had a decent kicker. Not that I’m 100% sure that they even have one now, but… at least they’re putting some effort into the position.
It’s possible that Vanderjagt’s best days are behind him. He’s 36 years old, and the last time we saw him, he was kicking with the accuracy of a drunken John Daly. Choking that badly in that big of a situation could mean… well… have you heard a lot from Jean Van De Velde recently?
So now Bill Parcells will be dealing with Terrell Owens and Mike Vanderjagt. It’s as if Jerry Jones is mad at him, for some reason, and trying to drive him into retirement. Expect the announcement of the Maurice Clarett signing very soon.
Benny
Bill Parcells has every right to call him “she” with that earring and his love of getting blond tipped hightlights in his hair.
March 24, 2006 at 12:23 am
Sweet Lou
you know who would be a perfect fit…Marcus Vick
March 24, 2006 at 7:48 am
Adam
I’m a Cowboys’ fan, and you know what? I don’t even care that he’s a whiny little bitch whose teammates hate him. He’s not Billy Cundiff or Jose Cortez and he puts the ball through the goal posts relatively consistently (not with playoff games on the line, but hey, the Cowboys have to GET to that point before he can blow it for them) and that’s all that really matter.
March 24, 2006 at 9:55 am
Cox
Mike Vanderjagt is the most overrated kicker in the history of the National Football League. He has benefitted greatly from kicking indoors, and is a thoroughly mediocre-to-bad kicker outdoors. Additionally, his kickoffs fucking suck. This is a terrible move for the Cowboys, one they will regret by next year, when they will surely cut Vanderjagt.
March 24, 2006 at 11:32 am
fanuc
alright the last line fucking cracked me up!
March 25, 2006 at 11:14 pm
Fred
Clarett needs to get back in play. Talk about excitement! The whole world will be focused on Dallas.
March 26, 2006 at 12:43 am