Is it me, or does Ricky Williams have extraordinarily round ass cheeks?And here’s why the NFL can piss us off by trying to stop Chad Johnson’s endzone celebrations, and still be confident that, while we might bitch, we’re still going to watch: they announce the first games of the schedule today, and we all start salivating like Pavlov’s dogs.

Thursday night, September 7th: Dolphins @ Steelers. Daunte Culpepper with an acquatic mammal on the side of his helmet. Defending Super Bowl champions. First glimpse at NBC’s coverage. It’s a must watch.

Sunday night, September 10th: Colts @ Giants. Eh, it’s a must watch if you like goofy pasty-white quarterbacks who share a mother and father.

Monday, September 11th: Doubleheader: Vikings @ Redskins at 7, Chargers @ Raiders 10:15. First, it’s the two teams that have been among the most active in the offseason. And then, it’s the starting debut of Phillip Rivers, and you’ll be up until about 2 a.m. watching Marty Schottenheimer try to pull his foot out of Art Shell’s ass. And it’s the debut of the Tirico/Theismann/Kornheiser team, too.

Thanksgiving day, November 23rd: Tripleheader. Dolphins @ Lions at 12:30, Bucs @ Cowboys at 4:15, Broncos @ Chiefs at 8 on the NFL Network. The NFL attempts to draw you further and further away from your family, giving you no time to breathe on Thanksgiving day.

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