I’m a couple days late on this, but I did want to mention Roger Clemens’ unusual pregame habit of smearing Icy Hot on his junk. If you missed it, The Rocket amazed his Team USA teammates by slathering Icy Hot on his upper thighs and all over his manbag before starting. He says he doesn’t like to get comfortable on the mound.

And that’s a pretty good way to accomplish discomfort. Now, for those of you who have never had Icy Hot or a similar substance on your genitals, and you heard about what Clemens did and you thought, “That’s gotta be uncomfortable,” you have no idea. You really have no idea.

Once, through a set of odd circumstances that I’ll spare you, I inadvertently rubbed some Bayer pain relieving cream south of the border and into surrounding areas. I think the Bayer cream and Icy Hot have the same active ingredient, but I’m pretty sure that the Bayer is significantly stronger. I might be wrong about that. I know that Bayer is the strongest one I’ve ever tried.

Anyway, at first, it burned as you’d expect it to. Then, the burn began to intensify and I started to realize just how sensitive the skin is on certain parts of the body. A minute later, I was thinking, “Jesus, this is intense.” A minute later, it was, “Alright, this is not motherfucking normal.” Another minute, and it feels like someone is extinguishing a cigar on my taint and I’m wondering if I’ll ever get an erection again. And a minute later, I’ve got the affected area uncovered and exposed to air, and I’m fanning it and praying out loud. A minute after that, I’m thinking that the cream may have done some permanent damage and a visit to the emergency room is not out of the question.

So yeah… Roger Clemens is a crazy Texan fuck. And while doing some research for this post, I found that there are apparently people out there, more than just a couple of them, who at various times have thought it would be a good idea to jerk off with Icy Hot. There are tales here, and here. I had no idea this was so prevalant.