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Major League Baseball To Investigate Bonds
March 30th, 2006

Barry, back when no one really hated him, or his shrunken testicles.Wouldn’t it be awesome if they did their investigation and came back and said, “Well, we just can’t find any evidence that Barry Bonds used steroids. Not a shred. The guy’s clean.”

Really, what is this process going to consist of? Unless the entire investigation consists of just going to Barry’s house and saying, “Hey, did you do steroids?” and then taking his word for whatever answer he gives… this seems like a giant waste of time. Hey, I’ve got a hot tip for your investigation: read that Shadows book. I think those guys were pretty thorough. They even hired a former Senator to conduct the investigation… which has got to be the easiest job ever. They could’ve hired any homeless guy. Isiah Thomas couldn’t fuck this up.

Bud Selig also announced today that Major League Baseball is launching an investigation of whether or not Kerry Wood is injury prone, and whether or not Randy Johnson is unattractive.

I just don’t know why this has to continue. He used steroids. Punish him or don’t, and then let’s find something else to talk about for a while.



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12 Responses to “Major League Baseball To Investigate Bonds”

  1. The Big Picture Says:

    “Isiah Thomas couldn’t fuck this up.”

    C’mon, MJD. Don’t you think you’re giving Isiah a little too much credit?




  2. Suss Says:

    I’m only against steroids if Bonds rubbed them on his private parts before the game.




  3. A-mouse Says:

    Your typing is sloppy today, though it was posted at 1:38am so I’ll give you a pass on this one.




  4. Daniel Says:

    Ummm, well, there are plenty of other things to talk about, but I don’t see even you discussing them, MJD.

    Every time anything is said about Bonds EVERYONE takes notice, regardless of their stance. He’s the star. He’s done everything he could to get attention and fame, and now he has to deal with the fact that it’s crumbling around him.

    Anyways, back to my original point. If you don’t like talking about Bonds, then where are your posts about other baseball events (Spring Training)?

    Well, actually, we did have something else to talk about for a little while - the WBC.

    I dunno. I don’t agree with your stance on this. Selig had to do something. Heck, baseball should have done something 10, 15 years ago, but whatever. They’re doing something now and it needs to be done.

    This is really a jumbled mess of ideas, but basically I don’t get why you grumble about the most notable baseball player today getting media coverage for taking steroids when you contribute to the coverage he gets.

    Oh well, love the blog - I check in every day. Keep up the good work.




  5. Adam Says:

    I’m with you, I don’t see what this accomplishes. Unless he fails one of their drug tests, Baseball needs to just lay back and hope this story goes away.




  6. yogi Says:

    “Isiah Thomas couldn’t fuck this up.”

    i think you got carried away here. there is nothing - nothing - that isiah can’t fuck up.




  7. Doug Says:

    Yeah, never underestimate the stupidity of Isiah Lord Thomas. I think the fact that 4 of the first 5 comments all concern his lack of brains prove this.




  8. DaCheese Says:

    i thought that MLB didnt ban steroids until a year or two ago? so technically it isn’t cheating… and dont give me that shit that its illegal, well so is weed, crack and blow but athletes still do them, hell some of them even sell the stuff… until he fails a MLB drug test, we shouldnt even be talking about this…




  9. DaCheese Says:

    and fuck that book, how can the writers give a first hand account if they don’t personally know the guy? the details is whats so ridiculous- they make it sound like they were all close personal friends… the only thing that stands is the grand jury testimony which they really can’t talk about because ITS illegal… and i will not take the word of some bitter groupie who he was fucking while he was married…




  10. derek Says:

    what can this accomplish? i was listening to tim kirjian on espn radio this morning (mike and mike) and he said it perfectly: no matter what they find, we all know this era is gonna be known as the steroid era and that bonds and 100+ other guys took steroids…now what does that accomplish for baseball? they have already stated that no previous records, mvps, stats are going to be usurped and therefore this is only going to waste lots of time and money and also divert attention away from this seasons opening day/week! there really isnt anything that can come out of this that we dont already know and nothing is going to change our perception of bonds and any other (which there will be tons of other players like bret boone, sheffield, etc) that will be pinpointed as cheaters…live and let live…next story!




  11. charlie Says:

    I’ve been totally on the what’s-the-point bandwagon, but have switched. I mean, the league can punish Bonds in a lot of ways and should if he was doing steroids. Should they suspend him? No, they weren’t testing at the time. But can they remove all of his records from the books and make him inelligible for the Hall of Fame? Yeah. And if they also investigate Sosa and McGuire and find the same thing, remove them as well. Would it fix everything? No, but it would at least bring back some legitimacy to baseball’s most important record.




  12. seamus Says:

    They hired a former Senator who’s now the chairman of the board of the company that shows all of MLB’s national cable broadcasts.

    In other news, President Bush has asked Dick Cheney to investigate the Plame leak.




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