Archive for March, 2006

March24

Seton Hall Bitchslaps Their Cheap Orr

By: the mighty mjd

At least he no longer has to live in Jersey.Louis Orr is out at Seton Hall, after he had kind of a good year. Seton Hall was not expected to be a tournament team before the year started (or before the selection show started, actually), but they were. But Seton Hall decided they didn’t want to pay their Orr any longer.

The timing is weird, but… I dunno. I never really thought Louis Orr was that great of a coach. They’ve played some undisciplined ball… but in Louis Orr’s defense, he has to recruit from New Jersey. It’s too bad they waited this long to fire him… imagine the roster that Bob Huggins could’ve assembled at Seton Hall, recruiting kids from Trenton and Newark. It would’ve been able to frighten both UConn and the inmates at Rikers.

Posted in: College Hoops1 comments

March24

NASCAR Rain-Outs Must Be Awesome

By: the mighty mjd

DERRRRR, I like when cars go in circles.Because they drew a better rating than an NBA game that was on ABC at the same time… an NBA game featuring Kobe Bryant and LeBron James, no less. Rain beat the NBA’s rating by 39% and the Bay Hill Invitational by 18%. I guess the athleticism of Kobe Bryant can’t compare to the athleticism of a big fucking engine.

It just makes me concerned for the future. A live race outdrawing an NBA game makes me sad for the future… a fucking rain delay, though? If they had to race in the rain, that would be one thing. What do they show during a rain delay, though? Replays of very special left turns from years past? Barbeque tips from guys with Rusty Wallace’s signature tatooed on their shoulder? Jeff Foxworthy stand-up?

I just don’t know what’s going to happen to television. I fear a day when there’s auto racing on all three networks every weekend. It’s out of control. People are watching NASCAR rain delays and Larry the Cable Guy movies. I don’t know what to do.

Posted in: Car Racing22 comments

March23

I Like A Woman Who’s Upfront About What She Wants…

By: the mighty mjd

I could certainly accommodate you, ma'am.

It’s like the guy behind her is demonstrating his technique, and she’s like, “No, baby, this is how you do it.”

From BadJocks.com and ehowa.com. Enjoy the basketball this evening.

Posted in: College Hoops, Trim22 comments

March23

ESPN Radio Douche Steals From Blogger

By: the mighty mjd

This man looks extremely douchey.ESPN Radio’s Colin Cowherd went on the air last night and read, almost verbatim, a post that had appeared on a blog called the M Zone, a quality sports blog focusing on Michigan in particular and college sports in general. The post was a spoof of the Wonderlic test that kinda pokes fun at some people in college football.

I’ve never heard the show before… I’d never heard of Colin Cowherd before. But just because someone e-mails you something, doesn’t make it your intellectual property. If you use someone else’s material, just acknowledge it. That’s it. It wouldn’t have been any less funny on the show if they said, “Hey, we picked this up at The M Zone.” Someone else wrote it. Someone else worked at it. You can’t have it just because you like it.

Anyway… I’d imagine the story is working out quite well for the folks at The M Zone right now. It’s become kind of a popular thing… people love reasons to make fun of ESPN, and this is a pretty big one. Hits at The M Zone have gotta be waaaay up today. Moreso than they would have been if Cowherd had simply mentioned them on the air. So congrats to them.

Posted in: ESPN, Media16 comments

March23

Cowboys Continue Quest For Cancer At Every Position

By: the mighty mjd

He's seen Rush Hour too many times.Liquored-up kicker Mike Vanderjagt is the newest Dallas Cowboy, signing with the team today. Vanderjagt will be replacing all seven of the Cowboys sucky kickers from last season.

Seriously, I can’t remember the least time the Dallas Cowboys had a decent kicker. Not that I’m 100% sure that they even have one now, but… at least they’re putting some effort into the position.

It’s possible that Vanderjagt’s best days are behind him. He’s 36 years old, and the last time we saw him, he was kicking with the accuracy of a drunken John Daly. Choking that badly in that big of a situation could mean… well… have you heard a lot from Jean Van De Velde recently?

So now Bill Parcells will be dealing with Terrell Owens and Mike Vanderjagt. It’s as if Jerry Jones is mad at him, for some reason, and trying to drive him into retirement. Expect the announcement of the Maurice Clarett signing very soon.

Posted in: NFL6 comments

March23

Whitlock On The She-Dunk

By: the mighty mjd

To complete the Vince Carter impersonation, scowl angrily and settle for jumpshots the rest of the game.I thought about commenting on this earlier in the week, but by the time Monday rolled around, it seemed like the moment had passed… and if I had taken the time then to point out the suckiness of Tennesse’s Candace Parker’s dunk, it would have seemed just mean-spirited and sexist. And I try to hide the fact that I’m mean-spirited and sexist. Sometimes.

Anyway, I think Jason Whitlock nails it today, when he says that they kinda weren’t dunks, and even if they were… big fuckin’ deal. Not that I’m not happy for Candace Parker. She seemed excited about it, it got her some attention, it got her team some attention… that’s terrific. But do those dunks do anything for women’s college basketball? Do they do anything to make you want to watch? Are you putting up Candace Parker posters in your room because of them?

I dunno. All the glee that eminated from the women’s basketball analysts on ESPN seemed extremely starbury to me. They were patting themselves on the back for doing something sorta flashy, but something that ultimately has no impact on anything.

I could not agree with Whitlock more. To promote the dunk, to use it as an example of how great women’s basketball can be, is just dumb. “We can dunk, too!” is not a selling point. Sell the fundamentals. Sell the selfless play. Sell tits if you want to. But trying to get people to watch women’s basketball because of the dunks and athleticism… that’s like trying to get people to watch the Masters because of the cultural diversity.

Posted in: College Hoops, Trim13 comments

March23

BWILF. Boehim’s Wife I’d Like To…

By: the mighty mjd

YAY! If the team keeps winning, my husband keeps working, and I don't have to sleep with him. YAY!In case you were wondering what it’s like to be the wife of a head coach at tournament time (and you know you were), here you go. I don’t really have much of an opinion on the subject myself, but I’ve always thought that Jim Boeheim was punching way out of his weight class with his wife Juli.

Now, that’s not the most flattering picture of her (unless you’re into teeth), but… Juli Boeheim is a fine looking older woman. I’ve got to think that would be valuable in recruiting. She’s a walking advertisement that says, “Come to Syracause and marry someone way more attractive than you are.” And it’s been working out quite well for Carmelo Anthony.

Posted in: College Hoops, Trim14 comments

March23

Tyrone Carter’s Brother Is Reeeeally Loyal

By: the mighty mjd

For the next five years, your brother will be getting intimately acquainted with the perfect hiking posture...Tyrone Carter plays safety for the Steelers. He has a brother, Tank, who loves him. A lot.

Tank was scheduled to report to a Broward County prison on January 6th to do a sixth month stretch. He opted instead to not report, so he could go to the Super Bowl and watch his brother Tyrone. The judge then decided to make his sentence five years.

Tank Carter says he’d make the same decision again. I think he might want to re-evaluate that decision six months from now when he’s bent over his cellmate’s cot, has a sweatrag stuffed in his mouth, and his ass is full of Prisoner No. 8725897′s angry prison cock.

I guess it’s kinda cool what he did… I mean, I’m a family person. I think it’s worth sacrificing some things to share in moments that mean a lot of your family members. But If I have to choose between watching my brother play in the Super Bowl or spending 54 extra months in prison… hey, I’ll try to catch a boxscore or something. Sorry bro.

Posted in: Criminality, NFL4 comments

March23

Nineteen Reasons Not To Hire Bob Huggins

By: the mighty mjd

Dammit son, I TOLD you that if you brought your shank onto the court you'd get called for a technical foul.Those nineteen reasons would by the 19 players and recruits who were arrested under the Bob Huggins era at Cincinnati. One guy pleaded guilty to choking his girlfriend. One guy was arrested for assaulting police officers. One guy taped his roommate to a chair, burned him with a heated coat hanger, and stabbed him in the leg. But man, that guy could ball.

Anyway, Stewart Mandel makes the case against hiring Bob Huggins. He will win basketball games for you. That’s true. But he recruits exclusively from the same California Penal System that produced Rick Vaughn, his players do not graduate, and he’s a known saucebag.

But, back to the other hand… whoever ends up hiring him might also get OJ Mayo and Bill Walker, two prep studs who kinda sorta vow to go anywhere Huggins ends up.

“It could be a great thing to happen,” Mayo said of going to play for Huggins. “At the same time, we have to see where he ends up, what the school’s fan base is like, see what the fans think about him and make sure everything is great.”

Everything might not be great… there’s likely to be some unhappy voices at whatever institution does end up hiring him. And unhappy voices tend to be louder than happy voices, even if outnumbered. So there’s still some hope for any other program out there that wants Mayo and Walker… two high school superstars who believe they’re NBA-ready and have sworn allegience to a criminal-recruiting boozehound.

Posted in: College Hoops, Criminality10 comments

March23

Neo-Nazis Among The Many Looking Forward To The World Cup

By: the mighty mjd

I wish someone would've attacked a German yesterday when they were beating us 4-1/Oh boy. The World Cup of soccer is also the World Cup of Hooligan Fuckheads, evidently. Check it out.

“We will all be in Germany and there will be Turks, Algerians and Tunisians. The Turks, we can’t stand them. In our country (Italy) there are not many, but in Germany, there are many of those guys there. They are Islamic terrorists.

“We will attack them. They are all enemies that need to be eliminated, just like the police. If we make the Roman greeting (the fascist salute) they put us in prison. We will be tens of thousands. Nothing but the English are feared.”

So, in the same thought, we’re vowing to attack and eliminate Turks, Algerians, and Tunisians… and then we accuse others of terrorism. Neo-Nazis just have no sense of irony.

Come on, fellas. Some of us are trying to like soccer. I’m trying not to be reminded every 10 seconds of crazy motherfucking hooligan behavior, alright? Don’t do this. Can’t you just stay home and beat up a Mr. T. or Lando Calrissian doll or something?

Just don’t do it. Stay home, bleach your hair again, write a column for Angry Whitey Monthly, watch Oprah and call her names all day if you feel like it… but please leave your ignorant fuck asses at home for the World Cup. There’s going to be plenty of senseless violence that is based only on soccer… and I’d like to keep it that way.

Posted in: Soccer4 comments

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