Archive for April, 2006

April28

Heat Lose; Cry Like Little Girls

By: the mighty mjd

Pat Riley doesn't want to look at your face, James Posey. AND NEITHER DO I.The Heat lost Game Three, and then they lost their shit. James Posey lined up Kirk Hinrich and then put his shoulder into him like he was Ronnie Lott. Shortly after, Antoine Walker started crying to the refs, and he picked up a technical.  Udonis Haslem then did the same. Miami had their first taste of not everything going their way, and they couldn’t handle it. They were like a frustrated grade school team out there.

The guys on TNT last night were saying that Miami will come out pissed off now, and probably hammer the Bulls in Game Three… and I think there’s some truth to that, but… Miami has yet to play an easy game against the Heat. They can get as mad as they want, and even if all of them react in the best way possible, they still might not blow out the Heat. They might win, but… they haven’t shown yet that they can beat Miami handily. Particularly not on Chicago’s home court. Shaq’s not going to be held under 10 points again, but… I think Game Four will be a battle.

And if Ron Artest is going to be suspended for what he did to Manu Ginobili… then James Posey should be suspended for what he did. It was far more malicious, far more dangerous, and far more likely to injure. If someone’s about to go up for a lay-up, and gets hit down low like that… that’s when people get hurt.

I’m officially excted for Game Four now. I don’t believe that Chicago can win the series, but… they can certainly push the Heat, particularly if the Heat aren’t, as a group, any mentally tougher than they showed last night. That team is a pretty tough draw for any tough seed… they’re not the most talented team in the NBA, but they don’t give away anything easily. They run a good offense, they get after it on defense, and they have the outside shooters to punish you.

Posted in: NBA14 comments

April28

Argos Want Ricky

By: the mighty mjd

Run towards freedom, Ricky.The Toronto Argonauts of the Canadian Football League want to bring Ricky Williams aboard for the 2006 football season. Canadian teams submit lists of guys they want rights to negotiate with, and the Argos were the only team that thought to add Ricky to their list.

It’s perfect. It’s absolutely perfect… I’m going to predict that Ricky does end up toting the rock for the Argos, and also that he never comes back. He’ll be adored… he’ll be the best player in the league. It’s a perfect, low-pressure situation for him. No one gives a fuck about football in Canada. They’re too busy watching hockey and curling, calling ham “bacon” and enjoying their universal health care. None of that spotlight or scrutiny that Ricky’s never liked. It’s absolutely ideal. Listen to this guy:

Argos VP of football operations Adam Rita: “People have to understand, it isn’t the same climate in our league. Their pressure isn’t the same. The pressure in the NFL is just relentless, from every angle, you know? It isn’t quite the same for us. Now, don’t get me wrong, we want really good citizens, too. But we understand that there are circumstances, some things that arise with players, where it goes a little bit off-center. We’re willing to give them a chance to get back on track and regain focus.”

That guy might as well be Ricky’s dad. Now, the money wouldn’t be ideal… the most he could make is about $150,000. But hey, I don’t think Ricky’s going out and buying Hummer H3s every other weekend. Give him a pair of sandals, a Phish CD, and a bag of Toronto’s finest sticky, and he’s straight.

I don’t know why I’m so excited about this… it’s not like I care about the Toronto Argonauts or Canadian football. It’s just perfect for Ricky… I really want him to do it.

Posted in: Other Sports7 comments

April28

Backdoor Cuts – 04/28/06

By: the mighty mjd

Welcome back, dear.• This made me happier than anything had a right to make me today. As a fan of both Bobby Knight and profanity, to me, this is the absolute pinnacle of entertainment.

• The NCAA is adding at least three more college football bowl games. First, there’s a fifth BCS game. And then we’ve also got the International Bowl, the Birmingham Bowl, and the New Mexico Bowl. I’m upset that none of them are named after fruits. Another, the Houston Bowl, is being voted on at a later date. Say they stop at 31… that’s 62 teams that will be in bowls, more than half of the 117-team Division 1A field. Any team that doesn’t completely suck balls will make a bowl game. Just play a terrible schedule, get your 6 wins, and someone will find a spot for you.

• ESPN.com’s Page 2 lists the 100 worst draft picks of all-time. This is the worst thing about coverage… if your team has ever made a bad draft pick, some cocksucker is going to go out of his way this week to remind you of it. I get it, asshole, Ryan Leaf was bad. That wound is still very much open. If you’d quit grinding rock salt into it, I’d appreciate it.

• You can see the clip of Delmon Young hurling his bat at that umpire right here. You can’t see him actually throw the bat, he’s off screen, but… you see the bat come flying back at the ump and hitting him in the chest. It’s not the kind of throw that’s intended to maim, but… it comes flying back at the ump with some decent velocity. It was not a little flip of the bat. He did actually throw it, and he is a crazy fuck.

Posted in: Backdoor Cuts11 comments

April27

Entire Football Team Fired… No, It Wasn’t The Lions

By: the mighty mjd

I don't know why they can't pay the players, they apparently saved a lot on on the team's logo design.This is phenomenal. Jamie LaMunyon owns the Montgomery Maulers, a football team in the National Indoor Football League. The NIFL, if you will. It’s a league for guys who can’t quite cut in the the Arena2 League, much like Jake Taylor couldn’t cut it in the Mexican League.

Anyway, Jamie LaMunyon fired the entire team today. She fired every damn one of them.

“I have cut all the football players,” she told the Montgomery Advertiser in a story Thursday. “Fans will see a whole new team next week in Montgomery. Maybe they can win a game.”

Well, you don’t see that every day. Players were upset about not being paid, and the team threatened to not travel to Osceola for their next game if the owner didn’t cough up the scratch. She did not… and she did, in fact, cut everyone on the team.

If any of you out there really need a job… well, I’m thinking you’re not going to have to be that great of a football player to make it as a replacement in the NIFL. Of course, you might not get paid… but you’re probably allowed to smoke between plays, and no one’s going to get too mad if you want to add a little bourbon to your Gatorade. It’s a give-and-take situation.

Posted in: Other Sports3 comments

April27

Delmon Young Begs To Differ With Umpire

By: the mighty mjd

Yes, he looks a bit grumpy.Delmon Young, outfielder for the Durham Bulls, has an interesting method of expressing disagreement with the calls of the umpire. Some guys argue, scream, kick a little dirt… some have even been known to spit. Delmon Young throws his bat and hits the ump in the chest with it.

This is probably against some kind of rule, and is not exactly a ringing endorsement of the replacement umps that they’ve been using in the minors while the regular guys are on strike. I wonder how much that had to do with Young’s reaction… like fucking with a substitute teacher, as opposed to your regular every day teacher. This never would’ve happened if the Durham Bulls were able to keep Crash Davis around. Anyway, he’ll probably be slapped with a suspension longer than any major leaguer will ever get for steroid use. I’ll guess 30 games.

Young, 20, is stud a prospect in the Devil Rays organization, and was probably going to called up sooner or later. He was #1 on MLB.com’s prospect list. I think this might make his stay in the minors a bit more lengthy.

I’d love to see video of this, assuming the umpire is okay. They wear chest protectors, right? I’d just like to know how hard he threw it, what kind of a throw it was… If anyone should stumble across it somewhere, please feel free to share in the comments.

Posted in: Baseball11 comments

April27

Texans Narrow It To Two

By: the mighty mjd

I hope he wears the The Houston Texans will be deciding between Reggie Bush and Mario Williams as the first pick of the NFL draft… oddly, I thought this had been the case all along. I didn’t know anyone else was in play… but, you know, I suppose we can’t go a day without manufacturing some sort of draft news.

I actually feel like Mario Williams is the safer pick. This, of course, is based in two or three minutes of footage I’ve seen on the NFL Network. There are still questions about whether or not Reggie Bush can do the job he’ll be expected to do… like carrying the ball 25 times a game. There appears to be no doubt, however, that Mario Williams can do the job he’s expected to do, and kill quarterbacks.

That’s not to say that I’m not a believer in Reggie Bush… I am. I can only recall one college running back in my lifetime that made me say “Holy fuck” out loud, like Reggie Bush did… that was Bo Jackson. I absolutely believe Bush can be an every down tailback, and I believe he’s strong and elusive enough to take any hit that might come his way. But there are scouts who have those questions, scouts who pay a little closer attention than I do. No one seems to have too many questions about Mario Williams, though.

If I was in Texans GM Charley Casserly’s shoes… I’d probably… well, I’d call Matt Millen and ask him what he would do, and then I’d go the other way. Of course, Millen would probably recommend Sinorice Moss, so that might not help much. I dunno… gun to my head, I’ll go Bush. He can be a legitimate game-changer. It’s a little riskier, but… if you hit, the reward is massive.

Posted in: NFL7 comments

April26

John Beilein (is not) Heading To N.C. State

By: the mighty mjd

He has more money now.Edit: I have apparently fucked up on this… here’s what happened. A buddy of mine called me this morning and told me he heard on a local radio show that Beilein took NC State’s offer and that a formal announcement was coming tomorrow. I didn’t think twice about it. I just accepted it as true and posted it… I didn’t think my buddy was making anything up, and I still don’t… he heard what he heard, and I repeated it. I shouldn’t have. I wasn’t trying to “break” any news… you all know that’s not what I do here, and I don’t have any interest in that. At the time I posted it, I thought it already was news. I really didn’t think it was rumor or hearsay or anything like that… I thought it was just something that went down.  Anyway, it’s not true, as it turns out. I’m an idiot for posting it.

So… my apologies to John Beilein, and anyone who may have read this (particularly Allison; I don’t hate you, I swear)… I’m a jackass.  In fact, I’m adding this to the “Dickheads” category, referring to myself.

Posted in: College Hoops, Dickheads15 comments

April25

More Freaky, Bizarre, Lacrosse Action

By: the mighty mjd

These are lacrosse gloves. I hope that's not what they used.This one… is a doozy. Police are investigating an incident involving a possible hazing/sexual assault incident that went down on a high school lacrosse team in Ohio. According to a police report, older players on a team, while a coach was holding him down, put on a glove and jammed their fingers into the ass of a younger player.

Said the attorney representing one of the coaches, “It’s horseplay. It’s guys being guys.”

Um, no. That’s not guys being guys. That is sexual assault. Listen, I’m a guy. I know a lot of guys… and never have I wanted to fingerblast the asshole of another guy. And even if I were gay, I’m pretty sure I would never be sitting on a bus and thinking, “It sure would be nice to forcefully ram my digits into that guy’s anus.” It just doesn’t come up in my daily conversations. This is not something that people do.

The head coach wrote an e-mail to the JV coach about the incident, and had a couple of interesting things to say. Number one:

“That is what baffles us,” he wrote. “If this was such a big problem, why didn’t (the player) say something then to the other coaches?”

This might just be a weird quirk of mine, but when I’m sexually assaulted by older men, I have a tendency to clam up. Especially when they’re all sitting around me. I just don’t feel like talking right then. To me, that’s a time to reflect on how I was just molested and if I can ever feel like a whole human being again. But that’s just me. I don’t feel like talking when I’m sexually assaulted on a bus… I’m weird like that. But hey, everyone reacts differently when lacrosse players put on a glove and violate their rectum. We all have our own way of dealing with that.

Onto another interesting part of the e-mail:

“It was so light-hearted that the kids broke into the coaches’ (hotel) room that night and retaliated with a glove on. Everyone thought that was funny!”

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Not everyone thinks its funny, coach. I don’t think it’s funny. You can count me among those who don’t think it’s funny when a coach creates a culture on a high school sports team where it’s acceptable, amusing, or funny for players to go around putting their fingers into teammates and coaches asses.

I don’t know what all has to go wrong in your life before you think it’s OK that a group of high school kids just broke into your hotel room and attempted to fist you. I don’t know how someone gets to that point. That’s not normal behavior. That’s something that happens in maximum-security prison showers when there are no guards around on the day that the fresh fish have arrived.

If there’s any truth to this whatsoever, these coaches can’t be allowed around kids ever again.

Now, I want to be sure to point out that I’m not saying that all lacrosse players are fucked up… there are weirdly homoerotic hazing incidents that go down in plenty of other high school sports. But it certainly not been a happy month for the reputation of the sport of lacrosse.

Posted in: Criminality, Dickheads17 comments

April25

Coach(es) Of The Year

By: the mighty mjd

I would proudly display this poster in my home.The NBA’s Coach of the Year award is a lot like the MVP award, in that no one knows exactly what the criteria are, and that it usually could go to a number of different guys. The Coach of the Year this year is Avery Johnson of the Dallas Mavericks.

Sure, that’s a good choice. Taking a team that won a lot of games, but still wasn’t close to being anything that could be considered a title defender, and making them into a team with a legitimate shot… that’s an accomplishment. He’s given the Mavs a backbone.

So, sure, AJ deserves it. That’s fine. I’ve got no quarrel with the Little General taking home the hardware. But there are other guys who, in the absence of any set criteria, deserved it just as much. All of the following could’ve elicited a similar “Sure, that’s a decent choice” response:

Mike D’Antoni, Phoenix Suns. This probably would’ve been my choice. I feel like it’s Mike D’Antoni’s system that makes the Suns such a threat, night-in, night-out. Boris Diaw did not go from Josh Childress’s towel boy to a triple-double threat because Boris Diaw got that much better. He made that leap because Mike D’Antoni put him in a position to succeed, and no other coach in the NBA, not one of them, would’ve thought to do it.

Mike Dunleavy, Los Angeles Clippers. The Clippers are almost certainly going to win a playoff series, a possibility that would’ve been considered laughable for the last, oh, 20 years or so. In fact, I’d be surprised if they don’t get to the conference finals.

Flip Saunders, Detroit Pistons. Well, he won 64 games. That’s not a bad total.

Phil Jackson, Los Angeles Lakers. Well, no Lakers have been on trial for rape this year, so that’s progress. The Lakers didn’t make the playoffs last year with a pretty similar roster… this year, they were the lower-seed that no one really wanted to play. If he turns Kwame Brown into a player next year (and it looks like he’s going to), then Phil will warrant consideration again.

Gregg Popovich, San Antonio Spurs. The Spurs did just what they were supposed to do, but… that’s no small thing. The man is just a great coach. There’s no way he shouldn’t be on this list every year. Maybe he didn’t do anything out of the ordinary, but… you know, he’s still great.

Larry Brown, New York Knicks. Because he didn’t go on a multi-state killing spree.

Posted in: NBA5 comments

April25

NFL Applies Stiff Arm To Ricky

By: the mighty mjd

I hope Ricky spends his newfound free time shooting a reality show. There's no way that wouldn't be awesome.I just find it sad. Ricky Williams won’t be playing football in 2006. His earned the suspension after violating the league’s substance abuse policy this off-season, and his appeal was shot down.

So no football for Ricky. There are two ways to look at it… Number one, I don’t feel like it would’ve hurt the NFL, hurt anyone in the NFL, or hurt Ricky to play football this year. His positive test was reportedly not for marijuana, the drug for which he had previously tested positive. He probably ingested some crazy herbal supplement that had something in it that he wasn’t aware of. He could be cut a break.

But on the other hand, you know… there is a policy in place, and it’s the responsibility of the player to know what’s on that list, and what’s in the things he puts into his body. The rules were made clear to him, he agreed to abide by them, and those rules were broken. Perhaps not knowingly or maliciously, but… broken nonetheless.

If it was me, and I was handing down the ruling… Ricky would be playing. But I certainly see the other side of it, too. I do hope the decision wasn’t made out of any spitefulness that the league may have over embarrassment that Ricky might’ve caused the league.

Posted in: NFL8 comments

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