Archive for April 4th, 2006

April4

UCLA Cheerleaders Find Joakim Noah Unattractive

By: the mighty mjd

I really love the way Kristen here supports the pyramid. She really becomes the pyramid.Stumbled upon this today…

During last night’s game, UCLA cheerleaders were talking shit to Joakim Noah about his unsightly grill.

“I mean, it hurts when you have beautiful girls out there just telling you how ugly you are and stuff. I just had to focus on the game. When somebody is screaming all that stuff at you, you know, the best thing I could do was just blow a kiss by and maybe they like me.”

I just have a problem with cheerleaders talking smack… I mean… seen and not heard, bitch, you know? You’re a cheerleader. You shouldn’t B-E so aggressive. I realize that this is going to sound sexist as hell, but… these are my views of cheerleaders, not women.

Cheerleaders are there to be ogled. That’s just the way it is. They do not actually lead cheers. They do not get players fired up. They do not get fans fired up. I know they work hard at what they do, and that’s great… but there’s not one person in that arena who gives a fuck about the crispness of their routines or the creativity of their choreography. They’re just there… and they wouldn’t be there if they looked like Janet Reno (who, don’t get me wrong, is a handsome woman). But they don’t serve any kind of a real purpose, and I wish it wasn’t that way, but it is.

So I have a problem with them talking shit to an active participant in the game. I loved Noah’s response, and I think he’s got a great attitude, but I think he should’ve said something more like, “You know what, toots, in a year or two, I’ll be making $4 million a year in the NBA. A few years after that, I could be making $17 million a year. What’s your boyfriend going to be doing? Oh, date-raping you again and then letting you cry yourself to sleep? Yeah, that sounds great, too. Now get the fuck out of the way, whore.”

But maybe that’s just me.

Posted in: College Hoops, Trim42 comments

April4

Ombudsman And Vitale, Sittin’ In A Tree

By: the mighty mjd

Dick Vitale, back when his #1 goal wasn't to get attention...The biggest portion of the latest offering from George Solomon is all about defending Dick Vitale, while not really mentioning any specific complaint. The rest of the column is about Colin Cowherd’s theft, ESPN’s involvement with Barry Bonds, etc… but the biggest part of it seems to just be, “Hey, leave Dick Vitale the fuck alone, alright?” The Ombudsman’s inbox must be about 45% Vitale hatred.

But, just for the record, the Ombudsman is OK with Vitale, and… while I do kinda loathe seeing the man on TV, I was thinking today… you know, it wouldn’t be right to rail against Dick Vitale and not say anything about any number of other sucky ESPN college basketball commentators… Digger Phelps and Steve Lavin, for instance.

Phelps in particular… the next time he says something that truly helps me learn about basketball will be the first time. He, like Lavin, was hired as a commentator, and then stopped thinking like a coach and started thinking like a TV person. I hate that. Now, Rick Majerus, say what you want about the man… but he gives you all he knows. He may fuck up someone’s name, he may have some odd little peccadillos, but… if there’s something he can share with you, he does, if he thinks you’re going to understand it or not. Steve Lavin just wants to say “apple turnovers” and remind you that he used to coach UCLA.

My point is just that… you know, Dick Vitale is louder than anyone else, but I don’t think he’s necessarily worse. His passion for the game is real… that’s not a small thing. When’s the last time you saw Digger Phelps get passionate about anything that wasn’t a highlighter? I don’t intend to compliment Vitale, necessarily, but… I just think we should remember to skewer some others along with him. It’s only fair.

Posted in: College Hoops, ESPN, Media7 comments

April4

Larry Brown Doesn’t Like Nate Robinson, Either

By: the mighty mjd

I wonder if the NBA is going add a spitballs section to the player conduct guide.After Coach Larry said the other day that Nate Robinson was not only not a point guard, but he was “the farthest thing from a point guard,” today, it seems that Coach Larry wanted to send Nate down to the D-League.

This should not come as a surprise to anyone, particularly Isiah Thomas. Robinson is a point guard (for lack of a better word) who looks for his own shot. That doesn’t work with Larry Brown. Ask Stephon Marbury.

Robinson’s also had some behavioral issues, coming close to blows with both Jerome James (which should probably be considered a positive reflection on Nate Robinson) and Malik Rose. He was reportedly ready to go after Jerome James with a broom handle.

And then later, Robinson was reprimanded by Larry Brown for shooting spitballs on the team bus. Spitballs. Adults… shooting spitballs. I don’t think sending him to the D-League is the right thing… maybe 3rd grade would be a little more appropriate. I’m not saying that there’s no place for being childish and juvenile if you feel like it… but shooting spitballs? I think we have to draw the line at shooting spitballs.

Posted in: NBA4 comments

April4

Gators Rape Bruins

By: the mighty mjd

Look at the blood on the rock. A brutal, ruthless, rape.

Well, that was a pretty thorough beating. Florida teabagged UCLA last night, winning by a score of 73-57, and it wasn’t as close as the score would indicate.

I’m not sure there’s a college basketball team in the world that Florida wouldn’t have piped last night. Their performance was both surgically precise and just freakishly nasty. Their frontline really can do everything, and it all starts with Noah, of course. Tremendous passing, understanding of the game, athleticism, ball handling… he’s the man. Horford was pulling down some man-sized rebounds, Brewer was locking up Afflalo and making hustle plays all over the court… I just don’t think there was anything UCLA could’ve done. Great season, great effort, Bruins… you ran into a buzzsaw. A big French buzzsaw.

And if you stopped watching them early and you missed the 2nd half, let me sum it up for you… UCLA presses, Florida breaks it and dunks the fuck out of the ball. UCLA presses, Florida breaks it and dunks the fuck out of the ball. Again, and again, and again.

I’ve gained a lot of respect for Billy Donovan… not that I didn’t respect him before, but I wouldn’t have put him among the nation’s best coaches. When you look at where Florida was where he got there, compared to where they are now… that’s enough to make him a stud. But I thought Florida was really well-coached tonight. You don’t get big men who pass that well and a guard like Taureen Green who handles the ball and the pressure so well without great coaching.

Other various things…

• I should’ve written it down, but Billy Packer said one of the dumbest things I’d ever heard in the first half. UCLA made a long pass down the court over Lee Humphrey’s head, and Packer said that since Peyton Manning was Humphrey’s hero, he should’ve been looking for them to go deep, and that he was a poor defensive halfback.

• I’m not going to miss seeing Lorenzo Mata on my television. He is unattractive and has armpit fur.

• Anyone catch that Burger King commercial with the King in bed with a construction worker, and he gives him a sandwich, and then they have a pillow fight? That was gay, right? Burger King is telling us that The King is a gay guy. Am I wrong to interpret it that way? I mean, he was in bed with the guy, he gave him a sandwich, a bunch of other dudes were there, and then they had a gay pillow fight. I think that’s kinda gay.

• The entire Florida starting line-up can return next year, if they so choose. And I bet they will.

Posted in: College Hoops17 comments

April4

Hines Ward Has Work To Do

By: the mighty mjd

Mike Holmgren views this as illegal contact.Smilin’ Hines is taking his Super Bowl MVP award and touring South Korea, the land where he was born. And a lot of people in the area are hoping that Ward’s fame and his visit can do some things to help children of parents of different races in South Korea.

Apparently, life is tough in South Korea for a bi-racial child.

With Ward in mind, many South Koreans have said it is time to tackle the discrimination that mixed-race children face.

Due to a strict family registry system, a traditionally closed society and a history of leaders speaking of the pride of pure Korean blood, mixed race children often say they find themselves ostracized in South Korean society.

Opposition lawmaker Kim Choong-whan invoked Ward’s name when proposing legislation recently to help mixed-race children.

The number of such children is growing as more farmers and fisherman find brides from other parts of Asia — mostly China and Vietnam — as local women shun lives in rural areas.

During his stay, Ward will visit the Pearl S. Buck International group, which helps mixed-race children.

“Hines Ward’s visit will help shine a ray of hope for mixed-race children,” said Lee Ji-young of the group.

Well, I hope that’s true. I don’t expect Hines himself to encounter a lot of problems on his trip, but you know… imagine being Hines Ward if he wasn’t an adored millionaire. You have to deal with racism in America, and then you go home with your mother to the land you were born, and things are even worse? That would not be fun.

So do your thing over there, Hines. And in 10 years, I’ll expect the NFL to see a massive influx of South Korean wide receivers.

Posted in: NFL8 comments

April4

Fans Attempt To Provide Bonds With Equipment

By: the mighty mjd

Hey, it's a big syringe. There's just no joke there.ESPN gave a lot of attention last night to the fact that a fan threw a (needleless) syringe at Barry Bonds. Barry picked up the syringe and discarded it immediately, saying that it wasn’t his preferred brand.

I think a loyal Bonds admirer just wanted Barry to autograph a syringe. And there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s like asking Jimi Hendrix to autograph a guitar or Bob Vila a hammer.  The Giants got their asses whooped, by the way, 6-1.

I did enjoy some baseball action today… admittedly, mostly just because I have a fantasy team now. But I swear to you, I’m trying to re-take an interest in baseball. I’m giving it an honest effort. I watched some of the Mets/Nationals in the afternoon, and then a decent amount of Padres/Giants later in the evening. Did you know that Khalil Green was white?

Posted in: Baseball7 comments

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