Well, that was a pretty thorough beating. Florida teabagged UCLA last night, winning by a score of 73-57, and it wasn’t as close as the score would indicate.
I’m not sure there’s a college basketball team in the world that Florida wouldn’t have piped last night. Their performance was both surgically precise and just freakishly nasty. Their frontline really can do everything, and it all starts with Noah, of course. Tremendous passing, understanding of the game, athleticism, ball handling… he’s the man. Horford was pulling down some man-sized rebounds, Brewer was locking up Afflalo and making hustle plays all over the court… I just don’t think there was anything UCLA could’ve done. Great season, great effort, Bruins… you ran into a buzzsaw. A big French buzzsaw.
And if you stopped watching them early and you missed the 2nd half, let me sum it up for you… UCLA presses, Florida breaks it and dunks the fuck out of the ball. UCLA presses, Florida breaks it and dunks the fuck out of the ball. Again, and again, and again.
I’ve gained a lot of respect for Billy Donovan… not that I didn’t respect him before, but I wouldn’t have put him among the nation’s best coaches. When you look at where Florida was where he got there, compared to where they are now… that’s enough to make him a stud. But I thought Florida was really well-coached tonight. You don’t get big men who pass that well and a guard like Taureen Green who handles the ball and the pressure so well without great coaching.
Other various things…
• I should’ve written it down, but Billy Packer said one of the dumbest things I’d ever heard in the first half. UCLA made a long pass down the court over Lee Humphrey’s head, and Packer said that since Peyton Manning was Humphrey’s hero, he should’ve been looking for them to go deep, and that he was a poor defensive halfback.
• I’m not going to miss seeing Lorenzo Mata on my television. He is unattractive and has armpit fur.
• Anyone catch that Burger King commercial with the King in bed with a construction worker, and he gives him a sandwich, and then they have a pillow fight? That was gay, right? Burger King is telling us that The King is a gay guy. Am I wrong to interpret it that way? I mean, he was in bed with the guy, he gave him a sandwich, a bunch of other dudes were there, and then they had a gay pillow fight. I think that’s kinda gay.
• The entire Florida starting line-up can return next year, if they so choose. And I bet they will.
tony Says:
April 4th, 2006 at 1:28 am
Using the phrase “defensive halfback” ties the “Billy Packer is stuck in 1942″ argument into a neat little bow, doesn’t it?
I loved hearing Nantz continue his “no one will overlook mid-majors again” comments, and Packer continue his “hey look, the ceiling of this place is like a pillow” attitude thereafter. If I’m Craig Littlepage, I’m still bringing heavy artillery to the sit-down next Selection Sunday.
CheeseheadPete Says:
April 4th, 2006 at 5:12 am
Billy Packer said something stupid? Come on! At least the Burger king spot didn’t feature “pillows” ala Steve Martin/John Candy in Planes, T’s and Autos. “THOSE AREN’T PILLOWS”!!
Brandon Says:
April 4th, 2006 at 8:55 am
On Saturday night, I drank about ten beers and half a bottle of Scotch and ended up wrestling a friend of mine in the backyard wearing only my boxers. In the rain. I don’t know if that’s gayer than waking up with a construction worker, feeding him, then pillow-fighting him, but it seems pretty gay in retrospect. Oh yeah, we cleaned each other off with a garden hose when it was over. I don’t remember any of this, but I’m told it happened.
Jon Says:
April 4th, 2006 at 8:59 am
Packer is a douchebag and Nantz needs to stick to covering golf. I think it’s due time that CBS retool it’s broadcasting duo for the big games of the tournament. With as often as I heard the term big and long, I thought we’d see a commercial with the Burger King guy in bed with them with Noah serving them breakfast.
twoeightnine Says:
April 4th, 2006 at 10:34 am
Actually I think it all starts with their length. Those guys are so long. Especially Brewer. He’s long. And Noah. He’s got some length on him.
Mullet Says:
April 4th, 2006 at 11:35 am
I bet at least one of ‘em leaves, probably Brewer. Look at his eyebrows. They’re screamin’ GO PRO.
T Says:
April 4th, 2006 at 12:18 pm
The most potentially enjoyable part of the game never happened.
Florida played a great game.
But I would have loved to see a fan, a coach, or a UCLA player reach out and break the jaw of that piece of crap guard on Florida who started dancing with the ball while he was dribbling the clock out.
Completely disrespectful behavior and poor sportsmanship.
nirwin Says:
April 4th, 2006 at 1:05 pm
Right on, twoeightnine. Who the hell decided that using the word “long” to describe a basketball player was anything more than a sign that one doesn’t have a grasp of the English language? It seems to have just started this year, too. A few people were doing it early in the year, and then like an epidemic it caught on more and more and more and now all of a sudden every single college basketball announcer or studio guy on the face of the Earth uses it. It makes no sense. The acceptable phrases to use are: “He’s really tall” and “He has really long arms.” You can’t combine them into one thing and say, “He’s really long.” I’m gonna have to shoot somebody if I here that as much next year as I did this year.
Unsilent Majority Says:
April 4th, 2006 at 1:29 pm
Noah played great, but he was given the most overwhelming facial of the year courtesy of Aboya.
Mullet Says:
April 4th, 2006 at 1:31 pm
I think Jay Bilas started using “long” a couple of years ago. It caught on pretty fast. I think it’s a Duke conspiracy.
JOBS Says:
April 4th, 2006 at 3:06 pm
In this particular commercial, the King is gay- layingdown a member of the Village People. It hurts because BK has had some good ones from the Notre Dame heisman to the appearance behind a fallen Redwood. (What’s with the construction worker theme?) I agree, unstoppable Noah, they had noah idea how to stop that guy. Dig the post, damn entertaining.
The Big Picture Says:
April 4th, 2006 at 4:17 pm
brewer looked really impressive last night. everyone now knows about Noah and his gapped-teeth, but Brewer is stretch-fucking-armstrong. he’s a great defender and can play the 2 in the NBA. scouts must’ve been drooling last night (kinda like that burger king dude)
Insomniac Says:
April 4th, 2006 at 4:55 pm
Unsilent Majority: As a UCLA alum, that Aboya dunk was the lone highlight of my night. I rewound that facial about 10 times on the Tivo. Then I deleted the game and pretended it never happened.
David Says:
April 5th, 2006 at 4:00 am
As much as I am not a Florida Gator fan, you have to give Billy Donovan his due. He is probably one of the most underated college coaches in the game right now.
And a scary thought, the Gators might be even better next year.
David
Alexandria Says:
April 6th, 2006 at 12:40 pm
hey brandon? totally hot story…a refreshing change from the sorority girls pillow fight type male fantasy that I hear so often from guy friends…bigpicture- yes! Brewer has some serious reach..and what about Humphrey?! That boy is king of the three…of course Noah- yum…the BK king- UCK!!! He’s so damn creepy!!!!
And as to Billy D…when I was a student at UF, we lost to MI, but the town talked about “Billy Ball”- this season, it’s Billy Ball indeed. A handsome man, super coach. I’d like to see Uof L and UF meet up for a game…
Tim Johnson Says:
April 13th, 2006 at 10:58 pm
dude, using “rape” that way really isn’t cool. for serious. get with it.
the mighty mjd Says:
April 14th, 2006 at 2:20 am
I’ll try to get with it. For serious.