Archive for April 17th, 2006

April17

I Have A Bad Feeling That I Could End Up Watching This…

By: the mighty mjd

Awwww... I think it's cute how they have a little logo, just like a sport... Coming soon to a television near you: Major League Gaming. That’s “gaming” as in, video games. There’s a professional league for video game players, and they’ve got a deal with the USA Network… which already kinda puts them ahead of the NHL. But something still feels dirty about this… it just feels like we’ve gone too far. I love video games as much as anyone, but… watching someone else play them? I would feel bad for wasting that portion of my life.

That said, however… if there’s a Madden championship on at some point… I’m probably watching. I watched Madden Nation on ESPN, a series that followed the best Madden players in a bus, going from city to city and playing each other until a champion was crowned. I watched it. I enjoyed it. I developed rooting interests. I can deny none of this. It happened.

“We believe that pro-gaming-wise, this will be the next World Poker Tour, the next NASCAR and the next action-sports movements,” said Matthew Bromberg, president and COO of Major League Gaming. “For us, these deals really signify that pro gaming is emerging into the mass market.”

Calm yourself, pal. I mean, I hope you succeed, and congatulations on the TV deal, but at the end of the day, you’re still talking about trying to get people to watch dorks sit and play videogames. The odds are stacked against you. To most people, that’s just one step up from the National Playing With Yourself While Browsing Internet Porn League.

The only games mentioned in this article are “Halo 2″ and “Super Smash Bros. Melee World,” and I’m not familiar with either game.

Posted in: Things That Aren't Sports10 comments

April17

“Our Team. Our Time. Our Song. Sucks Balls.”

By: the mighty mjd

Kat Matsui seems to like it. He's giggly about something, anyway.You know, most teams wait until they’re closing in on a championship before they start breaking out songs about how great they are. But, you know, they are the Mets. They have to strike while the iron’s hot. They have no idea how long this is going to last.And thus, we have “Our Team, Our Time,” the new Mets anthem that will be played at Shea all season long. You can listen to it by clicking the link there. And expect the suicide rate to go up in the Flushing area, because this song… is not good. It’s got like a club dance beat behind it, and then layer and layer of shit piled on top of it. Songs like this are the reason that Lil’ Ronnie thinks it’s OK to do what he did. You could give Dwight Gooden an 8-ball and a keyboard, and he could come up with something better.

Basketball is just so far ahead of baseball in the music that it inspires and produces. I mean, basketball was doing songs better than this in 1987. Vanilla Ice is listening to these rhymes, shaking his head and thinking, “Come on, that’s just embarrassing,” and Young MC agrees.

Posted in: Baseball8 comments

April17

NBA Goofiness

By: the mighty mjd

They'll probably have to take the statue down 3-4 times per year when someone leans on it and it gets injured.Lang Whitaker of SLAM and SI.com compiles a list of some of the weird happenings in the NBA this year. It’s an outstanding list… some of my favorites:

• Hornets players Rasual Butler and J.R. Smith appeared as potential suitors in a music video for hardcore female rapper Trina.
• Darius Miles was whistled for a defensive three-seconds violation after stopping to tie his shorts while standing underneath the basket.
• Vince Carter paid to have a life-sized bronze statue of himself erected at his former high school.
• Lakers coach Phil Jackson said that starting power forward Kwame Brown is “a pussy.” (You can say that on SI.com? Awesome.)
• Shaquille O’Neal admitted that two of his aliases when checking into hotels on the road are “Donovan Perot” and “Vladimire Mandingo.”

I think the Vince Carter one is my favorite. I mean, it’s hard to compete with “Vladmire Mandingo,” but… something as vainglorious and egotistical as building a lifesize bronze statue of yourself… well, things like that don’t happen everyday. That’s fucking remarkable for its self-indulgence. I can’t even criticize him for it… the balls required for something like that are huge. Congratulations, Vince Carter. You have done something few others would have the balls to do.

The outstanding picture was grabbed from CarolinaSucks.com.

Posted in: NBA1 comments

April17

The Philly Phanatic Will Phreak Your Grandmother

By: the mighty mjd

If it's true what they say about guys with big feet... the Phanatic's green furry thing will just tear you up.From Philadelphia Will Do, via Deadspin, comes this video of the Phillie Phanatic… you know, the big green furry mascot of the Philadelphia Phillies. He was on a morning show in Philadelphia, and he danced. Some young blonde girl in a Phillies jersey also danced. Then the rhythm-less black man danced. And then an old woman danced. And then they all continued to dance for quite some time.. And it never seemed to occur to any of the producers of the show that this was fucking weird.

It’s surreal. There’s not much more to say about it. It makes me slightly uncomfortable with the Phanatic starts breakin’ it down with the older lady, because I don’t believe in interracial dating. I mean, sure, white, black, brown people, fine, do your thing. But I’m drawing the line at green. Furry green people in Phillies jerseys cannot be having relations with the elderly white women of America. That’s just how I feel about it.

Check it out here.

Posted in: Baseball6 comments

April17

The Knicks Have Larry Brown Insurance

By: the mighty mjd

Stephon Marbury makes Larry Brown pee blood.News has surfaced today that the Knicks have taken out an insurance policy on Larry Brown’s contract, should health issues force him to quit. This means, of course, that on your chalkboard at home, under the column labeled “Smart Things Isiah Thomas Has Done,” you can mark a one.

A friend asked me yesterday if I thought that Larry’s recent health crisis was the beginning of the end of his time in New York. I said, perhaps naively, that no, I didn’t think he was quitting. For some reason, I can’t shake this fondness I have for Larry Brown. Maybe it’s because I just think so much of him as a coach, that I let it cloud my judgement elsewhere… but I don’t think he’s quitting in New York. I think it’s important to him to see it out, and not leave the franchise in the state it is right now.

And I’m going to go ahead and predict right now that the Knicks will make the playoffs next year. And the thing about that that makes me uncomfortable is not the amount of faith I have to have in Larry Brown, but the faith I have to have in Isiah Thomas. I have zero faith in Stephon Marbury, of course, but that should be fine… because he has to go, right? I mean, he has to. No decision in sports has ever been more clear.

If he isn’t moved or dropped or cut or somehow otherwise removed from the Knicks roster this off-season, it’s about the equivalent of a patient saying to a doctor, “Oh, what’s that? I have cancer, and it’s life threatening? Fuck, that’s terrible. Wait, but it’s treatable, and you can remove it right now? Hm. Ah, you know what? Fuck it. Let’s leave it there. I wanna take my chances with it.”

And I really believe that would be enough to vastly improve the Knicks and push them into contention for a playoff spot. It’s not just that he doesn’t get it on the court, it’s the attitude he brings, the distraction, the drama, plus the fact that his teammates seem to all kinda hate him, too… the Knicks can’t move on until they drop him.

Don’t worry about getting value for him in a trade, don’t worry about getting 50 cents on the dollar… 3 or 4 cents would be fine. A 3rd round draft pick would do. He just has to fucking go… even if you have to outright cut him. No one should have to explain this to Isiah Thomas.

I’m not saying Marbury is solely responsible for the Knicks on-court problems this year… just like 96% of it. I’ll give 2% to Eddy Curry’s work ethic, 1.5% to the inexperience of Channing Frye, and .5% to Steve Francis, just for being there.

Anyway… you know, when I started this post, I had no intention of even mentioning Stephon Marbury. I just wanted to say that I think Larry Brown will be back, and that yes, I think he is the right coach to improve the Knicks. But that’s how strongly I feel that the guy is a complete dickwad. My fingers typed this words, completely independent of my brain. It was involuntary. You’d be surprised at how often that happens. Anyway, yeah… I think Larry Brown will be back.

Posted in: Uncategorized11 comments

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