Archive for April 20th, 2006

I believe the Sixers traded Sam Dalembert for those roses.I was looking today at the list of NBA non-playoff teams, trying to figure out which ones had solid futures, and which ones were fucked… and the 76ers appear to be the most fucked team in the league. There’s just nowhere good for them to go.

Allen Iverson’s career has been spent waiting for the 76ers to put the right pieces around him, and the Sixers have gotten it right exactly one time. And even then, the end result (a trip to the NBA Finals) was way more Larry Brown than it was Billy King. It might not even be possible to do at this point… it’s a shame.

The Sixers can try to trade him, but I don’t know where else he fits. Among the teams who are bad enough to want to add a player like Iverson, they still have to have the ability and willingness to take on his contract, and something worthwhile to offer in exchange for him. And then, any team that trades for him is going to have to restructure how the entire team works, or hope Allen Iverson’s willing to completely restructure his game.

Here are some teams who might possibly want to trade for Allen Iverson, and I’m reaching on several of them:

Atlanta: Maybe they could do a sign-and-trade with Al Harrington and package him with some other young player, but I dunno how appealing it would be to Atlanta to have Allen Iverson, Joe Johnson, and 16 swingmen.

Golden State: The Warriors would probably like to take everything apart and start over, but who are they going to send back, Baron Davis? Mike Dunleavy? The upside there for Philadelphia is that they’d have lottery picks locked up for the next few years.

Minnesota: I’d just like to figure out a way to get Iverson and Garnett on the same team… but Iverson and Garnett are nearly the only worthwhile assets on either team. If Billy King and Kevin McHale were in love, there would be huge “Gift of the Magi” potential here. “But my love, I traded my Iverson to get you a Garnett. Awww….”

Denver: They could use a 2-guard, but I don’t know if they want it to be the kind of 2-guard who dominates the ball. But it’d be interesting, and they could probably make a trade worthwhile for the Sixers.

New York: The Sixers will have to take back Marbury or Francis, who are kinda like Allen Iverson, except without all the hustle on both ends and any inclination towards unselfish play.

Toronto: Longshot. They’d probably love to have him, but there’s nothing to give back.

Dallas: Huge longshot, but… Mark Cuban may develop a coke habit in the offseason and so something crazy. If they lose Jason Terry, who knows… they’d need some backcourt scoring.

Portland: They’d like to have Iverson, but… if the Sixers trade him for Zach Randolph and Darius Miles, Maurice Cheeks will hang himself from the Rocky statue.

So good luck with that, Sixers. I just don’t think the Sixers are going to get anything back for him that would make their team better than it is right now.

And if Iverson stays, and Webber stays, (it’d be about as easy to trade Webber as it would be to convince PETA to hire Qyntel Woods as a spokesman), the Sixers just aren’t going to get a lot better. They’ll have the mid-level exception and the draft to improve themselves. I love Andre Iguodala, but other than him, there’s no one else on the roster who the Sixers would miss if they were killed in a bus accident tomorrow. They might not even notice.

The Sixers just appear to be fucked.

I think New York City should hold a new vote for their Tomorrow is the day for a lot of NBA teams where they clean out their lockers, say goodbye for the summer, and have their exit interviews. It’s a lot like the last day of school, except no one’s really happy.

Anyway, Stephon Marbury, according to the New York Times, has promised to drop a “verbal bombshell” today. I’m on pins and needles. I think it will be something complimentary about Larry Brown… but I hope that’s not the case. I’ve put together a list of 10 other things he might announce. I hope it’s one of these:

1) He’s has purchased an MVP trophy for himself, because he deserves it.
2) Marbury finished the season, with the Knicks, with a record of 81-1… on NBA Live 06. Proving, of course, that he’s smarter than Larry Brown.
3) He may not have any idea about what a point guard is supposed to do… but he did save a lot of money on his car insurance.
4) He’s accepting a buyout from the Knicks and signing a new deal with the And1 Tour.
5) He has volunteered to let Larry Brown move in with him this summer, so he can teach Larry basketball.
6) This summer, on June 24th, all reporters are invited to his house where he will be retiring his own jersey and inducting himself as the charter member into the Stephon Marbury hall of fame. Admission is just $30.
7) He will not be playing for the US team at the World Championships this summer, because he wants to spend more time with his family. Also, because he wasn’t invited.
8) Next season promises to be more successful, because this summer, he is going to have Larry Brown killed.
9) You know how every team Stephon’s ever been on has sucked? That’s a total fluke. Sheer coincidence. He is not the problem. Nope. It’s somebody else.
10) He’s coming out and is ready to accept the responsibility of being the first openly gay player active in the NBA, and he would prefer to be called “Gaybury” for the rest of his career.

Rich and I have attended several support group meetings on this very subject.Pat Forde writes sort of a preseason puff piece on the West Virginia football team. This one’s about head coach Rich Rodriguez and his straightforward, down-home lifestyle. I just wanted to point out this little note about Rich Rodrigeuz not having been to see a movie in 14 years.

Rodriguez last went to the theater 14 years ago — hoping to see Clint Eastwood’s “Unforgiven” but talked into “The Crying Game” by [wife] Rita.

Well… that explains it. If I had seen The Crying Game in the theater, I’d probably never feel like going back, either. Now, I have no idea how good that movie is… I never finished watching it. I know that I saw the film as an impressionable youth, and… well… that girl had a dick. I’m all for sophisticated, artistic films that are a little bit off the beaten path, but I mean… she had a dick. I was not prepared for that, and in many ways, I’ve never recovered.

Unforgiven, on the other hand… it’s a classic poingnant tale about a drunken, former, assassin who wants to kill the bad-ass sheriff, Gene Hackman. Outstanding movie. You can’t go wrong there. A wife talking a husband into seeing The Crying Game instead of Unforgiven… that’s grounds for divorce. I have no idea why Rich and Rita Rodrigeuz are still together.

Teshie is a GANGSTA.  Seriously.  He'll fuck you up.As the NBA Playoffs roll around, it’s about damn time someone renewed the request to get Roundball Rock back into the public consciousness. If you don’t know, Roundball Rock is the name of the John Tesh-written NBA theme that used to be on NBC. It was awesome, and it has been gone for too fucking long.

True story: A couple of years ago, we had a Christmas gift exchange at work that consisted of all gag gifts… one of those hilarious things. And someone put a John Tesh CD in there, and I had to angle and scheme to get it, because I thought Roundball Rock might be on there. As it turns out, John Tesh has a lot of other songs. Who knew?

Anyway… imagine the street cred that ABC could gain for the NBA broadcasts if they both dumped Al Michaels and bought the Tesh theme in the same season. If you have Hubie Brown and Teshie, your coverage absolutely cannot suck. You are then immune to criticism.

Isn't everyone short compared to Andrew Bynum?Kobe Bryant thought it was hilarious, too. From Ross Siler of the LA Daily News

Every once in a while comes a reminder that Bynum is still a kid. One of the best tales from his rookie season happened when he tried to leave tickets for a friend before a game.

But Bynum forgot the last name of the person to whom he wanted to give his tickets. So he wrote the first name followed by a physical description of “short and black” on the envelope headed to will call.

Somehow the envelope was intercepted by the Lakers staff and wound up in the hands of Bryant, who said he would get it framed once he stopped laughing.

“I’ve never seen anything like that,” Bryant said. “I don’t think I ever will see anything like that again.”

Amusing.

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