Tomorrow is the day for a lot of NBA teams where they clean out their lockers, say goodbye for the summer, and have their exit interviews. It’s a lot like the last day of school, except no one’s really happy.
Anyway, Stephon Marbury, according to the New York Times, has promised to drop a “verbal bombshell” today. I’m on pins and needles. I think it will be something complimentary about Larry Brown… but I hope that’s not the case. I’ve put together a list of 10 other things he might announce. I hope it’s one of these:
1) He’s has purchased an MVP trophy for himself, because he deserves it.
2) Marbury finished the season, with the Knicks, with a record of 81-1… on NBA Live 06. Proving, of course, that he’s smarter than Larry Brown.
3) He may not have any idea about what a point guard is supposed to do… but he did save a lot of money on his car insurance.
4) He’s accepting a buyout from the Knicks and signing a new deal with the And1 Tour.
5) He has volunteered to let Larry Brown move in with him this summer, so he can teach Larry basketball.
6) This summer, on June 24th, all reporters are invited to his house where he will be retiring his own jersey and inducting himself as the charter member into the Stephon Marbury hall of fame. Admission is just $30.
7) He will not be playing for the US team at the World Championships this summer, because he wants to spend more time with his family. Also, because he wasn’t invited.
8) Next season promises to be more successful, because this summer, he is going to have Larry Brown killed.
9) You know how every team Stephon’s ever been on has sucked? That’s a total fluke. Sheer coincidence. He is not the problem. Nope. It’s somebody else.
10) He’s coming out and is ready to accept the responsibility of being the first openly gay player active in the NBA, and he would prefer to be called “Gaybury” for the rest of his career.
Adam Says:
April 20th, 2006 at 12:58 am
I like Marbury. I do, I can’t help it. I loved him at Gerogia Tech, loved him in Minnesota, and I’ve loved him everywhere else. He’s a terrible teammate and represents everything I hate about modern basketball….and yet I can’t muster up any hatred for him. I mostly blame The Last Shot, which is an outstanding book the talks about him in high school, but I think some of it is that I just can’t NOT like someone who refers to themself in the third person as “Starbury” and is completely serious about it. That’s way to goddamn funny.
DookieStyle Says:
April 20th, 2006 at 7:43 am
I hope he announces his retirement.
the sockk Says:
April 20th, 2006 at 7:43 am
Yeah, when he gave a million dollars after Hurricane Katrina, I am unable to dislike him.
Unsilent Majority Says:
April 20th, 2006 at 7:54 am
MJD, I feel that this shirt captures the essense of Starbury even better.
http://www.digitalgravel.com/itemdetails.cfm?prod=7849&cat=63&vndr=1079
Sarcastro Says:
April 20th, 2006 at 8:39 am
He’s quitting the NBA and living his life according the edicts of NBA Ballers. Its nothing but velure track suits and platinum bling for our boy starbury as he travels the country playing America’s best one on one for cash and prizes.
First up, some guy called White Chocolate.
HuangKong Says:
April 20th, 2006 at 9:13 am
Maybe he’s going to admit he murdered Bison Dele.
J.E. Skeets Says:
April 20th, 2006 at 9:23 am
“Maybe he’s going to admit he murdered Bison Dele.”
Hahahahahahahahahaha … Wow. Hell point.
v-dub Says:
April 20th, 2006 at 9:30 am
hahah…. i hope it is #10!!!
Unsilent Majority Says:
April 20th, 2006 at 10:38 am
His name is Brian Carson Williams.
Jaap Stijl Says:
April 20th, 2006 at 2:50 pm
Nice one. Personally, I think he’s going to announce he’s pregnant with Larry Brown’s baby.