Archive for April 21st, 2006

April21

The Half-Ass NBA Playoff Preview

By: the mighty mjd

In many ways, things seemed cooler back in 1987...There are enough NBA playoff previews out there that I just didn’t see the point into churning out a full-length breakdown. So I give you two sentences on each team…

1) Pistons. If they don’t win it all, then this whole year is kind of a huge failure, isn’t it? There’s more pressure on Flip Saunders than there is on anyone else in the playoffs.
2) Heat. Shaq isn’t really Shaq anymore, but I still believe he’s the most dominant big man in the playoffs. But if they’re getting to the Finals, it’s going to be Wade who get them there.
3) Nets. It bothers me a little bit that Nenad Krstic is good. Could make it interesting against the Heat in round 2, but they’ve got to force their tempo, which probably won’t happen.
4) Cavs. I dunno what to say other than they’re just not good enough to be a real threat to do anything right now. I hate their frontcourt.
5) Wizards. I like Gilbert Arenas’s chances of totally stealing LeBron’s thunder in Round 1, earning the Wizards four beatings at the hands of Detroit in the next round. I don’t think any team called the “Wizards” can ever win the title in anything other than a Magic: The Gathering tournament, so please consider going back to the Bullets.
6) Pacers. Expect a lot of head-shaking, disappointed-father-type looks from Reggie Miller in the TNT studio. You know, things seem a lot more hopeless when you replace Ron Artest with Peja.
7) Bulls. If the NBA lets them use Mike Sweetney sitting on Tyson Chandler’s shoulders, they might be able to contain Shaq. But hey, making the playoffs and scoring the Knicks #1 pick is not a bad outing.
8) Bucks. Enjoy your four or five games, fellas. And hey, why do I not think twice when I see tights on Kobe or LeBron, but on Andrew Bogut, they absolutely disgust me?

1) Spurs. Something just doesn’t feel right about this, but there’s also a voice in the back of my head saying, “Don’t be against them, dumbass.” Picking the Mavs to beat them goes against many of the things I believe about basketball, but I might just have to do it.
2) Suns. How awesome would the Western Conference playoffs be right now if Amare never FUBAR’d his knee? It’s going to take a damn good team to beat them.
3) Nuggets. How’d it feel down the stretch, Nuggets, when teams were actively tanking so they could get to play against you? Probably not as bad as it’ll feel when you lose in the first round.
4) Mavs. I just can’t decide if this is the year the Mavs unseat the Spurs, or its next year. I can’t think of any series in recent NBA history as compelling as Mavs/Spurs this year.
5) Grizzlies. They’ve got no sporting chance against the Mavs, but I would like to see Pau Gasol average about 28 and 14 through the series. He’s turned into a very very good player.
6) Clippers. I don’t think I could root against the Clippers if they were playing the first round against a team co-coached by my mother and Dan Fouts. I really think Sam Cassell and his onions could carry them to the Conference Finals.
7) Lakers. It is an intriguing matchup, but the Lakers are probably going to have to score 110-115 a game to beat the Suns. Kobe’s probably the MVP, but he isn’t God.
8) Kings. Ron Artest will be guarding maybe the most annoying guy to defend in NBA history. And what happens when Bowen and Artest are matched up; do they score negative points?

I have created a lame, grade-school quality graphic to illustrate my predictions:

God, this thing is ugly.

Posted in: NBA11 comments

April21

Brett Favre, The Moral Conscience Of The NFL

By: the mighty mjd

Vicodin... STAT.Brett Favre has spoken out on behalf of Steve McNair, who Favre feels is getting a raw deal from the Titans. McNair and his agent claim that the Titans told McNair that he couldn’t work out at Titans facilities. The Titans deny any wrongdoing.

There are contract issues, too… basically, that the Titans don’t want to pay McNair the rest of his enormous contract. They declined a $50 million option to extend his deal, which I believe, was their right to do so. Basically, the Titans don’t want to give a huge amount of money to a quarterback who’s as likely to play a full season as I am to marry Paul Lo Duca.

Brett Favre has a problem with all this. He doesn’t feel that the Titans are treating McNair fairly.

“All of the things he has done for that team. He really has been the face of that team for the last 10 or 11 years, the one bright spot really. To be treated that way I think is really unfair. He doesn’t deserve it … It is not right.”

So here we have some insight into the psyche of Brett Favre: Quarterbacks are entitled to everything. Quarterbacks are awesome. The Titans should give Steve McNair $50 million! They should provide him with half-dozen Swedish virgins! Because that’s how quarterbacks should be treated. So maybe if we all talk right here about how awesome Brett Favre is, he’ll agree to come back and SAVE THE PACKERS!

Or, you can tell him to go fuck himself. I think I know which way you’re leaning.

I don’t mean to imply that I have anything against Steve McNair… I’m sorry that he’s getting a raw deal. It’s true, he has given a lot of himself to the Titans. He has been the face of the franchise. He might deserve better.

Now, I don’t know what went down with the practice facility thing… the league will sort that out. But about the contract… he is not the first NFL player to be cast aside… he is not the first guy that put his heart and soul into a team, only to have the team say, “You know, you’re old, and you get hurt, and we don’t want you around anymore.” That’s the NFL. That’s the collective bargaining agreement they settled on. That’s how it goes.

Posted in: Dickheads, NFL18 comments

April21

The Marbury Bombshell

By: the mighty mjd

He holds a Spalding like no other man alive.Apparently, it was this:

Typical of their dysfunctional relationship was Marbury’s session with the media Thursday. He said that “Larry Brown made me a better man,” but then gave a “No comment” when asked if Brown was the right coach for the team.

Oh, that’s sweet. He makes you want to be a better man. I think he was trying to make you a better point guard, but that didn’t work out so well. I think Larry and Stephon should hop in Cuba Gooding Jr.’s convertible and drive Greg Kinnear to Baltimore and learn some life lessons along the way.

And I might as well mention, while I’m on the subject, that Larry Brown did indeed confirm that he’s coming back next year. Someone asked him if his health issues could cause him to leave New York, like they kinda/sorta/didn’t cause him to leave Detroit.

“I wasn’t in control of that,” he said of the Detroit situation. “I want to return here. I want to fulfill my contract and I want to stay involved as long as they’ll have me.”

Not to nitpick, Larry, but you could’ve been in control of that last year. At the end of the season, it was, “Hey, I wanna come back, but who knows if my health will let me?” which left the Pistons in a situation where there options were to wait around for a decision, letting every decent coaching candidate get hired somewhere else, and just pray that you decided to return, or to let you walk and find someone who could actually commit to the job. This year, it’s “Hey, I’m coming back! I’m coming back!” I just wanted to note the differences.

Posted in: Dickheads, NBA, Uncategorized3 comments

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