There are enough NBA playoff previews out there that I just didn’t see the point into churning out a full-length breakdown. So I give you two sentences on each team…

1) Pistons. If they don’t win it all, then this whole year is kind of a huge failure, isn’t it? There’s more pressure on Flip Saunders than there is on anyone else in the playoffs.
2) Heat. Shaq isn’t really Shaq anymore, but I still believe he’s the most dominant big man in the playoffs. But if they’re getting to the Finals, it’s going to be Wade who get them there.
3) Nets. It bothers me a little bit that Nenad Krstic is good. Could make it interesting against the Heat in round 2, but they’ve got to force their tempo, which probably won’t happen.
4) Cavs. I dunno what to say other than they’re just not good enough to be a real threat to do anything right now. I hate their frontcourt.
5) Wizards. I like Gilbert Arenas’s chances of totally stealing LeBron’s thunder in Round 1, earning the Wizards four beatings at the hands of Detroit in the next round. I don’t think any team called the “Wizards” can ever win the title in anything other than a Magic: The Gathering tournament, so please consider going back to the Bullets.
6) Pacers. Expect a lot of head-shaking, disappointed-father-type looks from Reggie Miller in the TNT studio. You know, things seem a lot more hopeless when you replace Ron Artest with Peja.
7) Bulls. If the NBA lets them use Mike Sweetney sitting on Tyson Chandler’s shoulders, they might be able to contain Shaq. But hey, making the playoffs and scoring the Knicks #1 pick is not a bad outing.
8) Bucks. Enjoy your four or five games, fellas. And hey, why do I not think twice when I see tights on Kobe or LeBron, but on Andrew Bogut, they absolutely disgust me?

1) Spurs. Something just doesn’t feel right about this, but there’s also a voice in the back of my head saying, “Don’t be against them, dumbass.” Picking the Mavs to beat them goes against many of the things I believe about basketball, but I might just have to do it.
2) Suns. How awesome would the Western Conference playoffs be right now if Amare never FUBAR’d his knee? It’s going to take a damn good team to beat them.
3) Nuggets. How’d it feel down the stretch, Nuggets, when teams were actively tanking so they could get to play against you? Probably not as bad as it’ll feel when you lose in the first round.
4) Mavs. I just can’t decide if this is the year the Mavs unseat the Spurs, or its next year. I can’t think of any series in recent NBA history as compelling as Mavs/Spurs this year.
5) Grizzlies. They’ve got no sporting chance against the Mavs, but I would like to see Pau Gasol average about 28 and 14 through the series. He’s turned into a very very good player.
6) Clippers. I don’t think I could root against the Clippers if they were playing the first round against a team co-coached by my mother and Dan Fouts. I really think Sam Cassell and his onions could carry them to the Conference Finals.
7) Lakers. It is an intriguing matchup, but the Lakers are probably going to have to score 110-115 a game to beat the Suns. Kobe’s probably the MVP, but he isn’t God.
8) Kings. Ron Artest will be guarding maybe the most annoying guy to defend in NBA history. And what happens when Bowen and Artest are matched up; do they score negative points?

I have created a lame, grade-school quality graphic to illustrate my predictions: