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“Ernie, I Don’t Know Where You Get Your Cookies From…”
May 1st, 2006

I’m sorry I didn’t have anything posted bright and early this morning, but that’s because I was still trying to process this:


Reggie Evans… went downstairs. I’m just a little disconcerted about a couple of things… 1) having to listen to Chris Kaman talk about his nuts so much… 2) the fact that someone wanted to touch Chris Kaman’s balls. It’s um… I dunno. I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about it. But let us all give thanks to both YouTube and the TNT studio crew.

I just don’t know if I should call Reggie Evans a sick, sick, fuck… or praise him for having a greater desire to grab a rebound than any man has ever had in the history of the world. I’m all for hustle, and giving your all, and sacrificing for the team… but hey, there is no rebound out there that is worth me having to touch Chris Kaman’s nether regions. No rebound is worth that.

I am curious, though… is a suspension warranted? The NBA’s set the bar pretty low for the standard of conduct that warrants a suspension. If Artest deserved one, and Posey deserved one… then I’d think any sort of assault on the genitalia and/or attempted sex act deserves one. It’s not as outright violent as a tackle, but… I mean… those are balls. You just don’t touch balls. I think some jail time might be warranted.



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12 Responses to ““Ernie, I Don’t Know Where You Get Your Cookies From…””

  1. Mr Furious Says:

    Yow. That ain’t right. Is there some kind of universal “child molester in prison” treatment Evans can look forward to for the remainder of his career for crossing that line? Say, knees and elbows to the crotch every time he steps on the court? Forever?

    How about a chest pass into the nuts at least once a game?




  2. The Big Picture Says:

    hand in the cookie jar…guess they couldn’t say “grabbed his fucking balls” on TV.




  3. Point23 Says:

    reggie evens just ended his pro career, right? any friends he ever had in the league have to be gone. plus, how can you have this guy in the locker room? is there a scarier sight in the NBA now than reggie evans near the shower? He just turned the Nuggets locker room into Shawshank.




  4. Ahereeum Says:

    Holy cow! That has to rank up there with…ah….I guess its unprecedented? How would a guy explain that act? “honestly I slipped and…uh my hand just…” Yikes!




  5. Adam Says:

    Well yeah, that’s no good, and I really do like Reggie Evans (he went to Iowa and was great there) but…you can’t grab another dude’s nuts. You just can’t. I honestly do believe that he was just doing everything he could to get the rebound, and I’m all for hard play, but there’s just certain lines that can’t be crossed. Pulling on another man’s junk is one of those lines. I’m assuming he’s got a suspension coming, and it’ll be well deserved.




  6. Sean Says:

    I love that clip.




  7. Pooh Says:

    Anybody remember the one time Shaq actually hauled off and hit somebody? IIRC he claimed that Alvin Robertson “grabbed my scrotum”…




  8. insomniac Says:

    I remember back in high school a friend of mine in high school on the water polo team telling me that an underwater grab of the nuts is a fairly common practice of the sport. At that moment, I knew that I would never play water polo.

    However, if a similar technique is employed in women’s water polo, then I think it should be mandatory that every sorority compete in an intramural water polo tournament that is replete with underwater cameras.




  9. At least he didn’t tug on his nuts at Detroit Bad Boys Says:

    […] If you haven’t seen the video yet, first ask yourself one last time if you really want to. If you said no, I understand. But if you said yes, knock yourself out. […]




  10. unc_samurai Says:

    He’d better beware of Chris Paul.




  11. Moonshine Mike Says:

    female water polo with cameras. i like this idea.




  12. KPatrick Says:

    the best thing about it is that even though it’s egregious conduct, the guys in the studio are all laughing their asses off, because guys can’t help but laugh their asses off when some has a sports-related ball-whacking. It’s good to see that still holds true even where it was felonious ball-whacking.




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