It was getting to be about time for my annual “horse racing is dumb” post… and just in time, a football player at Ohio University has jumped in and joined my side of the argument.
There was a brawl outside of an Athens bar, and police were ushering people away from the scene. Corey Logan, 233-pound tight end, according to police offers “struck the horse between the eyes with the heel of his hand.”
Of course you know what happens next… he gets sent to prison, where Nasty Nate wants to violate him, but the Squirrel Master steps in to protect him, until his stoner friends can raise his bond money by selling weed.
Actually, what could happen is Logan doing up to 90 days in jail and paying a $750 fine, if he’s convicted. He says the horse bumped him, and he instinctively flinched and hit the horse with his elbow. The officer begs to differ.
Anyway, I might as well do it now, while we’re on the subject of horse hating… I just want to go on record for the 72nd time and say that the Kentucky Derby is not a sporting event. I know it’s a lot of fun… I know it’s a great big party. And that’s fine. But it is not the most exciting two minutes in sports, mainly because it is neither exciting, nor a sport.
It’s tiny, underpaid, men in silk whipping horses to make them run faster. It’s a reason for gambling. It’s no different than the race at your local track, where the 70-year-old guys who have bourbon for breakfast spend all day picking winners and reeking of urine. This particular race just happens to have mint juleps to overpower the stench.
Fuck your horse, Bob Baffert.
Pacifist Viking Says:
May 3rd, 2006 at 2:05 pm
Remember when Alex Karras knocked the horse out in “Blazing Saddles”? Good times.
Bouj Says:
May 3rd, 2006 at 2:17 pm
I look forward to nearly completing my journey to DegenerateGamblerVille in 2.5 weeks when I get to bet on the Preakness on a trip to Vegas.
I’ve already lost while betting on baseball (and I really should have known better, why didn’t I learn from Pete?), and all I will need to do is work in a boxing match. I’ll skipping the urine-stench, if that’s alright.
Adam Says:
May 3rd, 2006 at 2:56 pm
First off, nicely done with the Half Baked reference. Awesome movie.
Also I’ve always loved the Kentucky Derby and horse racing. It seems like something only an old man should enjoy but I like it. Probably because my dad used to take me to the track when I was little to watch the races (he didn’t even really ever bet). As such, I learned to do stuff like read a racing form when I was little, and am actually pretty good at betting on it. I go to the track a couple times a year and usually make a pretty decent chunk of money. And the Kentucky Derby is something that everyone needs to attend at least once. The infield is INSANE. Half to people aren’t even watching the race and just getting drunk and doing stupid shit, it’s nuts.
Not so sure on the sport/not a sport debate. I mean, it’s a race, there’s competition. Do horses count as athletes? Where does the line of sport stop?
Kn8 Says:
May 3rd, 2006 at 4:28 pm
I thought Secretariat was “one of the greatest athletes of all time”? That is, according to the self-proclaimed sports news entity, of course.
Insomniac Says:
May 3rd, 2006 at 5:26 pm
I agree with everything you said MJD.
But since I also like gambling and the crazy hats and cleavage on opening day at Del Mar, I can’t actually go so far as to be opposed to horse racing events, such as the Derby.