The winning horse that everyone ignored because another horse broke his ankle is sitting out the Preakness, the third leg of the triple crown. All three triple crown events will have different winners, and none of them will be able to read.
Dubai’s Sheik Mohammed, who operates Darley Stud, made the decision to rest Bernardini.
“We feel that he climbed the ladder of competition quite quickly,” said James G. Bell of Darley Stable. “We believe he deserves a break.”
A break? From what, running a lap around a track on three consecutive Saturdays? Yeah, don’t push it. Don’t be a hero. Obviously, horses are athletes, but even the world’s greatest athletes don’t push their bodies that far. For me, the list of the greatest endurance athletes of all time goes something like 1) Lance Armstrong, 2) Bernardini, and 3) Screw everyone else.
I think what we have here is a case of “Hey, we have a winner here, and we saw what happened to Barbaro, and we’re not going to risk an injury, having the horse put to sleep, and not being able to cash in on any of his million-dollar semen.” They can just take the horse right now, put him out to stud, sell his future horse children for hundreds of thousands of dollars, and cash in with each of his gigantic horse semen blasts. Ah, the purity of horse racing.
And while we’re on the subject, I’m just wondering… you know, a fast horse gets put out to stud, he reproduces, and they sell the horse kids for a lot of money, but… what if the horse is gay? What if he doesn’t want to have sex with girl horses? What then? Sorry, sparky, but it’s off to the Elmer’s factory. It seems to me that the world of horse racing is very exclusionary of gay horses. I will stand for it no longer.
I think you should go here, by the way.
DaveR
That picture will now haunt my dreams forever. Damn you.
Also, I suggest Tom Wolfe’s novel “A Man in Full” for some VERY graphic descriptions of how you’d probably go about collecting the million-dollar seed of a gay horse.
Huh huh… gay horse.
May 25, 2006 at 11:01 am
j
Preakness was last weekend
sitting out Belmont perhaps?
May 25, 2006 at 11:46 am
the mighty mjd
That’s the one.
May 25, 2006 at 11:53 am
Bobzilla
A gay horse is surely not a problem. The mares are just used as “teasers” anyway – see, this is how they harvest the horse sperm: A “teaser” horse stands before the stallion and gets him ready. Then the stallion is made to mount a “phantom”, and a horse fluffer comes in with a fake vagina finishes the job.
Check this out:
http://www.equine-reproduction.com/articles/collection.htm
So if the horse is gay, they just use a stallion to excite him, he mounts the phantom, and a MALE hose fluffer comes out with a fake rectum (instead of a vagina) and makes the “collection”.
By the way, a horse fluffer makes $150 an hour.
May 25, 2006 at 11:58 am
Bouj
Thank you, Bobzilla. And by thank you, I mean I hope you get a job as a horse fluffer as punishment for going into that much detail.
Not that it wasn’t informative. But now I’m stuck with an image of that horse in the pic getting one rubbed out by some poor guy/gal for $150/hr.
May 25, 2006 at 12:09 pm
Dave's Football Blog
Oh, Sweetnorthernsaint, I wish I knew how to quit you…
May 25, 2006 at 3:15 pm
Jimbo Mercy
Hoofhearted
May 25, 2006 at 10:39 pm
Bobzilla
Yes, Bouj….I am quite looking foward to my careeer in horse wanking!
“The penis should not be forced into the AV if the stallion is not willing, and the amount of “working” of the AV by the handler permitted will vary from stallion to stallion. Some stallions will thrust into the AV just as they would a mare, whereas other stallions will need the handler to move the AV to create the stimulation – that action on the other hand will be strongly resented by other stallions. It requires experience on the part of the AV handler to establish the correct protocol for an individual stallion. It is important that the penis be thrust well into the AV at the time of ejaculation, and depending upon the type of AV being used, out through the other end (with the Colorado style AV’s), as if the sperm come into contact with the heated liner, heat shock will probably occur, which is most commonly typified by many “curly tails” on the sperm when microscopically examined.
”
I wonder where that stands on MJD’s scale of athletic activities…..
May 25, 2006 at 10:48 pm
Retarsheed
Nice photo of Rasheed’s teeth..what an ugly mofo.
May 26, 2006 at 9:06 am