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Scott Sauerbeck Tries The Old “Hiding In The Bushes” Routine

I’m not sure if he just dove behind some bushes, or if he went with the tried-and-true cartoon method of holding a bush in front of you, and tiptoeing along when no one’s looking… but Cleveland Indians pitcher Scott Sauerbeck was in fact arrested early Tuesday after police found him hiding in some bushes.

Sauerbeck was drunk, and apparently, so was the lady who was driving his car. They were weaving in traffic, and were pulled over. They pulled into a driveway, and Sauerbeck and his female companion got out, jumped a fence, and hid behind some bushes. The cops were not fooled by their clever and elaborate ruse.

And, as Deadspin touched on earlier today… why does every jack-ass in Ohio have a mustache? Check out Sauerbeck’s flavor saver there. That thing is gross. He should be arrested for having that mustache alone. I hope that in addition to the charges of obstructing official business and permitting someone intoxicated to drive his vehicle, that police charged him with felony upper lip obscenity.

Matthew J. Darnell

6 Comments

  1. Morrison wins that battle hands down. His stache is magnified by the porntastic hair.

  2. if you squint, Sauerbeck looks like Balki from Perfect Strangers.

  3. Scott must have received the message because in his mug shot which is at cleveland.com he is sans “stache”. The skirt who was driving Scott’s car looks like a child in her mug shot but claims to be 28. I imagine Mrs. Sauerbeck is not amused.

  4. hey now. I’m from Ohio. and I’m a perfectly fine jack-ass without any moustache.

    “hiding in the bushes” is to moustache
    as “kentucky waterfall is to mullet

    Love,
    Todd Sour Brown

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