Archive for May 31st, 2006

Look, he's going to kill himself.Timberwolves General Manager Kevin McHale thinks that the Minnesota Timberwolves aren’t far away from being a championship contender. And I might be a little more inclined to agree with him, if the team had a general manager. But they don’t. That position remains vacant. They have admirably filled the position of Retired Power Forward Who Does Nothing But Hurt The Franchise And Anyone Who Cares About It, though.

So McHale has evidently promised the Wolves owner that he won’t be trading Kevin Garnett… which just infuriates me. We, as basketball fans, deserve to see Kevin Garnett in the playoffs on a regular basis, and for more than just 4 or 5 games. Now, certainly, there are arguments to be had on just how great KG is or isn’t, about if he’s a leader, or great in the clutch, etc… but it just can’t be argued that he’s not in the Top 5 in the NBA on pure skills alone. He deserves a team around him. And we deserve to see what that might be like.

I feel very strongly about this. Kevin McHale has had his chance. He has proved himself incapable of building a decent roster for the Minnesota Timberwolves. He got it right for exactly one year and the Wolves advanced to the Conference Finals. A year after that, things were back to normal, i.e., hopeless. He’s been with the Wolves for 11 years. He’s had one or two years that could be termed successful. I’m not saying he should be fired… but you know, if some rich prick teenager gets to drive his father’s Jaguar, and every time he drives it, he either wrecks it, gets it towed, or pours sugar in the gas tank, eventually, his father will take the Jaguar away. Kevin McHale should be forced to relinquish his jaguar. Kevin Garnett should be liberated.

Nash: Have you seen Marion’s jumpshot? It looks like he’s trying to shove a canteloupe into Manute Bol’s ass.
Bell: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Marion: I don’t think that’s so goddamn funny.

Gigantic win for the Suns last night… they needed that one, and Raja Bell was pretty big for them. He wasn’t expected to play, but he gave it a go, and you could see how they missed him. I thought the biggest thing was that Leandro Barbosa was back to playing his normal game, instead of having to fill the Raja Bell role. Bell could hang out on the perimeter, which opens up more space inside for penetration and things of that nature.

And defensively, he’s big for them, too. He really makes the whole team better defensively. He draws offensive fouls (with an extensive arsenal of flops, grabs, dives, and holds, I might add), and the Suns don’t need to double team as much when he’s out there. The Mavs had a poor shooting night (42% to Phoenix’s 54%), but they didn’t have a lot of great looks, either. Phoenix was all over the court defensively. It didn’t seem like the Mavs had a lot of shots anywhere near the tin… and Dirk Nowitzki in particular had a really off night. They can’t win if Dirk shoots like that again.

A great big Game 5 is Thursday night in Dallas.

And what an absolute blessing for the Knickerbockers. What tremendous joy they must feel in knowing that their infectious plague wants to stay forever. Awesome.

“I want to be a Knick, I want to die a Knick. If I ever was to be cremated, I’d want my ashes sprinkled on top of the Garden. Playing here has always been my dream. I want to be in New York more than any place.

“I hope that every player on this team comes back next season. I honestly mean that. Every player. I think we have a great team. I think it will be so much different next year.”

Well, hell… lets make him the GM, too. Clearly, he’s got a handle on things. All that needs to happen in New York is for Starbury to go back to being Starbury, and for the entire overpaid, underproductive, poor attitude roster to return. That’s a recipe for success if I’ve ever heard one. You should all probably play in church shoes, blindfolded, and while being attacked by rabid pit bulls, as well. That’s the only possible thing that could improve that miraculous recipe.

My guess is that the immortal Starbury stays, and Larry Brown goes. And the Knicks will probably improve next year under a different coach. Not that Larry Brown isn’t a good coach, certainly, but if they’d have had no coach at all, they’d have had a better record this year. If any jack-ass went in there and said, “Hey, you know what, just run like hell and shoot the ball like crazy,” the Knicks would’ve had a better record… but no real chance at becoming anything. Larry Brown, on the other hand, tried to teach them things that this particular roster just isn’t capable of learning, and they spent the whole year confused. With that, at least there was a chance for legitimate growth and improvement, even if it would be rough in the beginning.

Anyway, conveniently enough for Starbury, he’s pretty much untradable. Even if they wanted to get rid of him, they probably couldn’t. Of course, he’ll choose to see it as, “They love me, and they believe in the power of Starbury,” much like he honestly believes that he’s the best point guard in the NBA.

I guess there’s a huge “Memorial Day celebration” in Miami Beach every year, also called Urban Beach Weekend. And it sounds like the Miami Police were putting in some overtime… they made 856 arrests in Miami Beach over the weekend, most of them for misdemeanor things like disobeying a cop, public alcohol consumption, etc.

Anyway, Gilbert Arenas and Wizards teammate Awvee Storey were among those who felt the handcuffs on some trifling “disobeying the police” charges. At the time the following quote was attributed to Gilbert:

“You can’t arrest me. I’m a basketball player. I play for the Washington Wizards and I’m not going to leave my teammate.”

Yeah, I have my doubts that he said that. Of course, I don’t know what happened… but that just doesn’t sound like something that Gilbert Arenas would say. That doesn’t sound like something that anyone would say. Gilbert’s just never struck me as that kind of guy.

But for a police officer, the beauty of it is, anytime you arrest an athlete, they can say that they went with the “Do you know who I am?” routine, and people will believe it, because it fits the stereotype of professional athletes. And again, I don’t know what happened… perhaps Arenas and Storey both deserved to be arrested, or perhaps the cops were just arresting anyone for damn near anything this weekend. I do believe, however, that a cop or someone along the line completely made up that quote that was attributed to Arenas.


I’m not comfortable with this. It’s just my own personal preference, and I’m probably about to sound like a crotchety old man, but… Rox? Really? Is that necessary? Is it that much more difficult to type the extra two characters and call them the Rocks? Who’s writing the headlines for the AP now, Sal Masekela?

That’s all I have to say about it. I mean, I understand that this is not the Rockies are not a franchise steeped in tradition, but at the same time, this isn’t the WNBA, either. This is not Arena Football. This is not the X Games. I guess I’m just not extreme enough for this newfangled phonetic craze.

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