Well, maybe. General Motors is pusing the NASCAR people to switch to using ethanol in their cars. Here’s an argument for it.

The Indy Racing League has already made the switch… this year, the entire field in the Indy 500 will use cars that are running on a combination of ethanol and methanol… and next year, it will be 100% ethanol. There are people who want NASCAR to do the same.

And they should. It’s the right thing to do. Like it or not, NASCAR has a lot of influence with the people of America. If they did the responsible thing and made the switch to ethanol, then maybe the guy in the big-ass truck that lacks a muffler would consider doing the same. Maybe then ethanol would be something worth considering, and not just something that the tree-hugging hippie homos were trying to push on God-fearing Americans who have every right to burn as much oil as they want, because this is America, motherfucker, and we’ll put a boot up your ass.

And hey, it might help to get NASCAR some good press in areas where their fanbase isn’t so strong. Maybe I’ll even start to like NASCAR… though, after that last paragraph, you may have your doubts about that. That’s OK. So do I.

But it is something NASCAR should do… and it would be really nice if they could be a trendsetter on this particular issue.

Well, that didn’t go exactly as planned. Rasheed Wallace is now 3-1 on his guarantees… and normally, three of out four isn’t bad, but you know… they’re guarantees. You’re supposed to go 100% on those. In defeat, however, Rasheed remained defiant… if also slightly conciliatory.

“I ain’t worried about these cats,” he said. “There’s no way in hell they beat us in a series. They played well. I give them credit. We lost. We shot 30 percent and they had to play their best to beat us.”

Yes, he was forced to eat a little bit of crow, but… Rasheed Wallace isn’t the kind of guy who’s going to be bothered by that. He even dropped in a “the sun even shines on a dog’s ass some days” quote. He just doesn’t care. Guys who show up to introductory press conferences wearing t-shirts that read, “FUCK WHAT YA HEARD” tend to not get bothered by a lot. In fact, Rasheed spirits remained so high that during the game, when the arena’s “Kiss Cam” zoomed in on Rasheed, he tried to kiss Chauncey Billups.

Here was Ben Wallace’s take on the game and the guarantee:

“We can’t let the man go out and predict a win and then go out and stink it up like we did,” Ben Wallace said. “That’s players, coaching staff, everybody.”

Well, since he brought up the coaching… credit Cavs coach Mike Brown for an adjustment he made, going to a smaller line-up and spreading the Pistons out, limiting some of their defensive ferociousness around the rim by keeping Rasheed/Antonio McDyess out of the game. But shame on Flip Saunders for letting him get away with that. You can’t let the Cavs dictate how these games are going to be played. You have superior personnel. You force your own mismatches. If the Cavs go small, you make them pay for it. You pust up damn near anyone on the court, with the exception of whoever LeBron is guarding, and you pound them on the offensive glass.

And when you have 8 seconds left, and you’re down one, you should have Rasheed Wallace on the floor for a tip-in attempt, bad ankle or not. I like Maurice Evans, but he’s not doing anyone a lot of good in that situation.

Game 5 is back in Detroit on Wednesday.

In a nice little bit of poetic justice, Herb Sendek lifted a former McDonalds All-American from right under Mike Krzyzewski… and in the process, shot a middle finger to all the NC State fans and administration who said he couldn’t recruit.

Eric Boateng, who didn’t play a lot in his freshman year at Duke, is transferring to Arizona State, where Sendek landed after being jettisoned by NC State. Coach K tried to get him stay… he pulled him into his office, let him know there would be major minutes on the table for him, with Shelden Williams graduating. But it didn’t work.

Who knows if it will be a good move for Boateng… maybe he’ll be a complete non-factor. But for right now, it’s a nice little parting shot for Herb Sendek as he departs the ACC. This one has to feel good for him.

When a hazing ritual on a men’s team involves nudity and sex acts performed on one another… that’s just weird and bizarre. But when it’s a college women’s soccer team… well, that’s a completely different story.

Meet the Northwestern women’s soccer team. From BadJocks.com…

At first, we thought they were pretty much like others we had found: underage drinking, girls in degrading outfits for the occasion, faces written on with marker, etc. Then we turned the page and found the freshman not only blindfolded but with their hands tied behind their backs with athletic tape. On top of that, the girls are seen doing calisthenics and what appears to be forced drinking, performing skits that appear to require simulated sex acts, and then the losing skit team being forced to perform lap dances.

I should say before we go any farther, in all seriousness… forcing freshman girls to give guys lapdances… that’s not cool. In fact, what Dr. Susan Lipkins says here on BadJocks.com about this incident is, while it might not be much fun, absolutely right. I don’t think there’s any gray area there. Forcing anyone to do anything sexual as part of a hazing ritual… well, you can’t do that.

But… they did do it. And so that we can all learn from the experience and work towards bettering ourselves and making sure we can all develop a more positive worldview… well, here are some pictures. Wherever it goes from here… well, that’s up to you. Sinner.

The good news is that Mike Tyson wants to get involved with a boy band. The bad news is that he doesn’t want to beat the piss out of them.

Iron Mike, as noted this morning on BenMaller.com, wants to get involved with a boy band called “Westlife.” He says he wants to cut a song with them. Seriously. He wants to sing with them.

I’ve never heard of these Westlife characters, but I think it’s fairly safe to assume that they are an embarrassment, and to call them musicians would be akin to calling Craig Stadler an athlete. It’s not my concern that Mike Tyson is going to be a part of a terrible song… that’s pretty much a certainty. My concern is that there’s just no limit to what Mike Tyson will do for a few bucks, no matter how embarrassing it is, and I just don’t want to see this keep snowballing. Porn just seems inevitable at this point, doesn’t it?

Here’s Rasheed’s pre-game analysis for Game Four, after the Pistons dropped game three to the Cavs a couple days ago. The series now stands at 2-1.

“I know we goin’ win. I know we goin’ bust they ass. Tomorrow night is the last game here in this building this year. Y’all can quote me, put it back page, front page, whatever.”

Well, that’s… that’s not good news for the Cleveland Cavaliers. That’s probably about the last thing they wanted to hear. Historically, when Rasheed has guaranteed things, the Pistons have cranked up the intensity… and if Detroit’s intensity is anywhere near the same as Cleveland’s, Cleveland can’t win. They just can’t.

I actually feel like the only reason that Milwaukee was able to take a game against the Pistons, and Cleveland took a game against the Pistons… is because the Pistons are a little too good. They didn’t play well in the first half of Game Three, but they were still up by 8 or 10 at the half, and they thought they could cruise. They pretty much put themselves to sleep. Cleveland’s best chance to win Game Four is to let the Pistons get out to an early lead, and then pretend to give up for a while.

Anyway, back to the Rasheed quote… that sort of thing doesn’t happen enough. Who doesn’t love that? Even Cavs fans can get behind that, because they can sit back and say, “Alright, bring it on, bastard.” It just puts a little more spring in everyone’s step.

If it’s true, and Knicks owner James Dolan is considering giving Larry Brown a $40 million buyout on the rest of his contract, and then letting Isiah coach the team… well, that would be a very Knick thing to do.

I mentioned it yesterday on Deadspin, but just to expand on it a little bit, let’s look at it this way. If they buy out Larry Brown, and, in essence, hand him about $45 million for one year of work… that has to be interpreted as the Knicks organization saying, “Hey, we made a terrible mistake here.” Regardless of whether it actually was a mistake or not, a $45 million buyout is a pretty definitive, “Yeah, we fucked up.”

So, they’d admit a giant mistake… and then let the man who made that mistake become the head coach. “Hey, we know you fucked the franchise and cost us about $40 million, so um, hey, how about some more responsibility?” Just bizarre. If they think that Larry Brown continuing to be their head coach is so bad for the franchise, why not consider firing the guy who made the hire?

I think it would be a terrible mistake to buy out Larry Brown right now. I don’t think it’s necessary for the Knicks to admit they made that mistake, because I don’t think it was a mistake. The guy did not just forget how to coach.

Now, I do believe it’s true that the Knicks could have won more games this year if they had someone else coaching. The Knicks could’ve scored a lot more points and caused some match-up problems if they just sent out Stephon Marbury and Steve Francis and let them do whatever they want. But that wouldn’t have been real progress… fool’s gold, they call it. Actually trying to teach them is the harder route. It’s the more difficult way to go, and in the short term, it’s going to make things a little rougher. But it’s also the only way to make any real progress. Breakin’ eggs, makin’ omelettes.

Let him stick it out, bring in some players who want to listen, work, and get better… and Larry Brown will leave the Knicks in better shape than he found them. I don’t have any doubts about that.

At least two major tennis tournaments still pay women less than they pay men.. Wimbledon and the French Open. Maria Sharapova would like to see that change.

And she’s absolutely right. There’s no reason that the men should be paid more… I’ve heard the argument that they play a best of five sets, as opposed to the women’s three, but I’m not buying it. Since when do athletes (or anyone else, for that matter) get paid based on their effort? They don’t. There is no shortage of evidence for this point… for example, Vince Carter was paid very well in Toronto, where he just didn’t try. Most American League DH’s make more than your average 3rd-line NHL grinder who gets punched in the face three times a week. Jerry Rice, Cris Carter, and Andre Reed made more than Rod Tidwell. It goes on and on. Effort, playing time, etc., have nothing to do with it.

I’m guessing at this (and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong), but doesn’t women’s tennis draw higher ratings than men’s tennis? Maybe it’s different internationally, but I honestly don’t know one person who would make it a point to tune in to see any men’s match I could come up with (well, with the possible exception of Federer vs. Nadal on clay). But with the Williams sisters (when they decide to play), Sharapova, Hingis, Clijsters, Davenport, there are a lot of potentially intriguing women’s matches.

There’s no question that the men are better at tennis, but tennis is one of the rare sports where being better doesn’t necessarily make it better to watch. The women create more interest, the talent pool is deeper, and quite a few of them have great tits. And great tits deserve money.

I kid, I kid. Truly, I just don’t see any reason to continue giving men a bigger share of the prize money, because the women are doing more for the game. It’s an old-school, cave-man mentality that needs to be dropped. So stop being sexist, and pay these hoes.

I’ve been waiting for something like this… I get too few opportunities to say “tote bag.”

As part of a Mother’s Day promotion, the Angels gave out red tote bags to female fans over the age of 18. Men, and people under 18 were not given tote bags. Michael Cohn, a Los Angeles psychologist, has filed a class action lawsuit against the Angels because he didn’t get his tote bag. A snippet:

Angel officials said Cohn was the only person who complained about the giveaway and that the team is proud of its promotions.

“Historically, we have tried to appeal on those special days that might be nationally noted holidays or special occasions,” team spokesman Tim Mead said, adding he could not comment directly on the suit because he hadn’t seen it. “We have tailored programs or giveaways accordingly.”

The team responded to a complaint letter that Cohn wrote last June by sending him four tote bags and a letter stating the team “ran out of the item that day and had to order more.”

“They claimed they didn’t have any more bags, but my client said there was a mountain of bags stacked so high a show dog couldn’t have jumped over them,” said Alfred Rava, Cohn’s San Diego-based attorney.

Cohn could not be reached for comment.

This man… is a sad, sad, man. If it was one of those cool jogging suits that fold and zip into a tote bag, I could see it, but it’s not.

And what bothers me about it is that he’s alleging that his civl rights have been violated. This is clearly note a man who cares about civil rights, or takes the term very seriously… because he’s using it after being denied a free tote bag. Innocent guys on death row are having their civil rights violated. Citizens that are victim to racial profiling are having their civil rights violated. This guy is just a skirtbag whining over a tote bag.

A tote bag! We can’t give women cheap-ass tote bags on Mother’s Day without this guy’s feelings getting hurt? It’s Mother’s Day. When it’s Lawsuit-Happy-Douchebag-Day, you can have all the totebag you want, man. And then you will be free to tote around any damn thing you feel like. Seriously, what’s he trying to do here? What possible good can come from this lawsuit? What wrong is there that can be righted? Is it really a problem in our society that a baseball team gives women totebags on Mother’s Day? Poor men… they just have it so rough. One day a year, they are denied tote bags. It’s vicious.

The frightening thing is that this guy’s a psychologist. He’s gotta be really good at that job… running around all day, handing out tote bags to anyone and everyone. “Hey, can you evaluate this person’s mental stability?” “Well, I think clearly what this man needs is a tote bag full of tote bags, and he’ll be fine.”

I think a judge should hear the case, decided that the man be awarded a tote bag… and then be forced to carry it with him at all times, 24 hours a day, wherever he goes. He should never again be without his pretty red tote bag.

And there goes one of the most underrated receivers of all-time. When the greats of the game are mentioned, Jimmy Smith isn’t likely to be the first name out of anyone’s mouth, and that’s alright, but the man’s production just can’t be denied. Even the last year, competing at the age of 73, Jimmy Smith caught 70 balls for over 1,000 yards and 6 TDs. Since 1996, the only guy who has more catches or yards is Marvin Harrison. Fantasy leagues are going to miss Jimmy Smith.

I think the color teal hurts him here. It’s hard, not impossible, but pretty damn hard, to take any player seriously as an all-time great when they’ve spent their entire career parading around in teal. Teal is for pretty little girls. It is not a masculine or memorable color. It may also be the reason that some illiterate bastard did not vote Chris Paul as the NBA’s rookie of the year. Also, Jacksonville’s a small market, and a relatively new franchise… Jimmy Smith doesn’t get the recognition there that he’d get if the same career was had with the Giants or the Redkins or some other team.

Byron Leftwich is going to miss the hell out of him. It’s going to be a little different looking out and seeing Matt Jones and Ernest Wilford, as opposed to Jimmy Smith. I’m not saying those guys aren’t good, but they’re not Jimmy Smith. Jimmy made one hell of a security blanket.

Here’s Steelers WR Hines Ward, after being asked about his hectic off-season schedule:

“This is fun. I love the treatment. When you can walk in and see all the players from other teams, there’s nothing they can say to you. You’re on top that whole offseason. I’ve been all over, to L.A., to Vegas, to Miami and seen all the players from all over. Hey, Peyton Manning, I know you’re great and all, but you don’t have a ring. You can be all this, all world, but you don’t have a ring. I have a ring. There’s nothing you can say to me right now.”

Well, that seems a little harsh. I mean, sure, it’s true… and no enjoys a good shot at Peyton Manning more than I do. But that came out of nowhere… a completely unprovoked shot. That was just downright mean. Funny, certainly… but mean. Next, someone asked Hined Ward what he thought about the Steelers chances to repeat. Here’s how the rest of the interview went:

Reporter: Hines, what do you think about the Steelers chances to repeat?
Hines: Well, I think we’ve got the right core in place, and we have some good guys, and you know what? Fuck Dan Marino. That dumb, permed-up son of a bitch can shove his Isotoners right up his ass. I got this ring, BEYAAATCH.
Reporter: Um… I… well, okay. So, Hines, what else are you getting involved in this off-season?
Hines: Well, I’m going to take a little vacation, and then get back to work, hit the gym, and then I thought I’d fly down to Atlanta and smack Charles Barkley in his big fat mouth. He never won a ring. HINES WARD’S GOT A RING! LOOK AT MY RING! FUCK YOU IF YOU DON’T HAVE ONE!
Reporter: This is– Hines, I don’t know what– this just seems weird, man.
Hines: KARL MALONE CAN GO HELL. DO YOU HEAR ME? KARL MALONE CAN GO STRAIGHT TO HELL.

NOOCH rookie point guard Chris Paul won the NBA’s rookie of the year award yesterday, and the voting, of course, was not close. Paul had a total of 623, and the closest to him was Charlie Villanueva with 248.

All the way down in 6th place, however, is Deron Williams of Utah. He finished with a paltry total of 31. 11 third place votes, 5 second place votes, and, unbelievably, 1 first place vote.

I think it’s clear that the NBA can no longer allow Deron Williams’ mother to vote on these things. Seriously, I can’t even fathom someone voting for this guy. I’ve got nothing against him… I like Utah, and if you tell me that Deron Williams is going to turn into a fine point guard, even an All-Star, fine. That’s not unreasonable. But to vote him ahead of Chris Paul? Who did that? Is Woody Paige behind this?

Deron Williams didn’t even start the last 10 games or so of the season. When Keith McLeod is taking your starting spot… I’m sorry, you can’t be the rookie of the year. Again, I want to reiterate that I have no problem whatsoever with Deron Williams. I do have a problem, however, with the fact that a voter out there completely ignores logic and cold, hard, facts. Numbers don’t always tell the story, but they do here:

Whoever voted for Williams should have to be kidnapped and sexually assaulted by George Shinn.

Dirk Nowitzki said after Game One that he wouldn’t be able to score more than 20 points against Bruce Bowen. So head coach Avery Johnson, sensing that his superstar was in need of a tampon change, pretty much wrote him out of the gameplan. He basically said, “Alright, fine, stick Bruce Bowen on Dirk Nowtizki, and we’ll forget about Dirk Nowitzki. You can win that one. But we’re going to put two or three other speedy little guys on the floor, and they’re going to attack the rim as violently and frequently as Reggie Evans at a gay orgy.” And it worked.

Dirk, though he was very efficient with his shooting, took just 11 shots. Josh Howard, Jason Terry, Devin Harris, and Jerry Stackhouse all took more shots than Dirk. Devin Harris in particular was outstanding… he’s going to be some kind of player, especially in that system. Dallas ran a lot of pick-and-rolls, a lot of pick-and-pops, some drive-and-kicks, and they really got whatever shot they wanted.

And the Spurs can be taken advantage of a little bit around the rim, especially if it gets Tim Duncan in foul trouble like it did tonight. Robert Horry is certainly not a rim-protector. Nazr Mohammed is not playing well. And Rasho Nesterovic is still, quite unfortunately, Rasho Nesterovic.

That’s the move that Avery Johnson made, so Gregg Popovich has got to come up with something now, something to keep the Mavs from getting to the rim so easily. And he’ll figure something out… great coaches and great teams adjust. There are major problems for the Spurs in this series, though. Manu Ginobili is not himself… he’s been playing like Vin Baker. Tony Parker’s banged up, Tim Duncan is banged up, and their bench is not that good.

The advantage has shifted to the Mavericks, without question. I’m not saying that the Spurs have to win Game Three, but they do have to show that they’ve figured some things out. And they’ve got to show that someone can help take the load off of Tim Duncan offensively… which is more difficult now that the Mavericks play some nice defense.

A’s catcher and former good baseball player Jason Kendall is mad at Major League Baseball because they’re not going to reduce his four-game suspension for charging the mound against John Lackey. “Major League Baseball has turned into a badminton league. They told me I didn’t have any shot of getting my suspension knocked out,” Kendall said.

Well, I hate to quibble. But you did attack a man, almost completely unprovoked. In addition, fuck you, I like badminton.

I love some of Kendall’s explanations here. Let’s have some more Jason Kendall time.

“The fact that they won’t knock anything off is embarrassing to the game because the game has changed. Now you can’t really defend yourself. I understand I have to be suspended, but it’s not like I went out and picked a fight. Nothing would have happened if he wouldn’t have said anything to me, if he wouldn’t have taken three steps hard at me.”

Actually, it is like you went out and picked a fight. It is exactly like that. It doesn’t matter if John Lackey said something mean to you… if you run out and try to beat him up, you’re going to be suspended. That’s just the rule. I know it’s a cruel, cruel, world when you can’t defend yourself against “three hard steps” and the taunts of a fellow competitor, but sometimes, we have to try. No one’s saying you’re not a tough guy, but there are times to keep the fists to yourself. What else ya got for us, catcher?

“I get called out by Lackey. He calls me out and disrespects me and I’m supposed to sit here and have him yell at me? So basically what Major League Baseball is saying is that any big league pitcher out there can yell at somebody and get fined $2,000. That’s what the fine was.”

I’m really sorry someone yelled at you, man. You could have yelled back. You could just gotten in the batter’s box and taken him deep. Actually, no, you probably couldn’t have done that. But, you know… you do not have the right to beat up every opposing player who says something mean to you.

The Sacramento Kings aren’t going to renew his contract, and that’ll be it for the Adelman era in Sactown. Here’s how president of basketball operations Geoff Petrie described it:

“I came to the conclusion that continuing this way just wasn’t feasible. The dynamic that needed to be there to help it move forward just wasn’t there.”

Translation: “This move was not made for any sort of basketball reasons. There are people here, and I’m not going to say who, but they own casinos, that didn’t like Rick Adelman. So he’s gone.”

If they want to fire him, that’s fine… I just think the timing is a little weird. Things were back on an upswing. If they wanted to fire him after they got to the Conference Finals, and just couldn’t push through, that would’ve been understandable. Maybe he wasn’t the guy to get you there. But now, at this point… why?

Who expected anything out of the Kings this year? You’ve got a situation where you just traded for a great player, who happens to be a little volatile, and he gets along with the coach. So well did they get along, in fact, that they were just able to push the defending champions to six games, in a year where no one even thought they’d sniff the playoffs.

Bottom line… the Maloofs wanted him gone, and he’s gone. There’s a rumor circulating that the Kings want to hire Don Nelson… which, if true, means that the Maloffs are either 1) looking for a drinking buddy, or 2) just not paying attention to anything at all that has happened in the NBA or the world over the past two or three years.