Archive for May, 2006

I feel like what happened yesterday in the Cavs/Pistons game is what Rasheed Wallace was thinking of when he made his guarantee. He knew that the Pistons were capable of doing that, and he knew that if they did, there wasn’t much that LeBron or anyone else could do about it. Why they waited until Game 7 to do it, I’m not sure… but they did, and it happened, and now it’s over. Both teams played hard, my man.

Before moving on, all credit to the Cavs. They played out of their minds… LeBron was great, Anderson Varejao was a revelation (I’ve been in a strip club with his brother, by the way), and I’m still a little confused about how a team plays that sort of defense against the Wizards, and then a whole different type of defense against the Pistons. Credit to the Cavs, but… that doesn’t reflect well on Flip Saunders or the Detroit offense.

Looking ahead to the series with the Heat, I’m not sure what to think. On paper, they’re better than the Cavs, and a lot of people are going to pick them to win. I can see that. The Pistons looked real vulnerable at times in this last series, and the Heat are well-rested. It’s a pick that makes a little sense.

But there are also reasons why this series might be a little easier for Detroit. They’ve played against Shaq and Dwyane Wade in the playoffs before… in this round, they’re not going to be surprised by anyone’s greatness. They know what to expect here. And as much as I love Dwyane Wade, he’s not quite as hard to guard as LeBron… he doesn’t see the court quite as well, and he’s less like a damn train when he’s going to the rim. Not to say it will be easy by any stretch, but it’s not quite the same.

And maybe Detroit needed this last series to wake them up. Maybe they needed to get punched in the mouth like that. They can say what they want, but every player in that locker room knows that how they played defense in Game 7 against Cleveland was different than how they played defense in Game 6 against Cleveland. And maybe since they finally took it to that next notch, it’ll be easier to keep it there.

But I still have all the same questions about them that I had when I made this post. None of those things have gone away or been answered because they beat the Cavaliers.

After five hours of surgery, Barbaro is walking again. But he’s still not out of the woods, they still might have to send him away to horsey heaven. And it’s really touching to me how much people care about Barbaro the horse. All of these horse lovers, who are so devoted to an activity that sees about 800 horses die a year after injuries suffered on the track, pulling together to save one special horse, because he’s so very fast. It’s beautiful. It’s what being an animal lover is all about.

And I’d just like to give a personal thank you to the people who showed up at the frontgate of the animal hospital with signs that said, “Thank you, Barbaro,” and “We Love You, Barbaro.” That is exactly what I would have done if I was there, and if horses could fucking read.

I may sound callous with this, but I just don’t know who makes a sign that says, “Thank you, Barbaro.” On so many levels, I am confused. As already noted… the horse can’t read. Did the lady think this horse was Mr. Ed, and that he would see the sign, stomp his foot twice and say, “Hey, thanks, lady. I like your hat, too.” And then, forgive me, but why are we thanking Barbaro? Did he help you hit your exacta at the Kentucky Derby? And if so, I don’t think he did it to help you out, I think he did it because the little guy in silk was beating the fuck out of him with a whip.

I feel genuinely bad that the horse is in trouble. Truly, I do. I like animals. But the affection for this one particular animal doesn’t make sense to me. A lot of horses get killed that aren’t as fast, and that probably have personalities just as sparkling as that of Barbaro. People who say that they love horse racing because they really love the animals is kinda like saying, “Yeah, I really love kids. That’s why I kidnap so many of them and stuff them in my closet.” It makes sense to me that if people really loved horses, they’d hate an activity that was so cruel to them.

I know I also ran this over the weekend at Deadspin, but… it has strangely captivated me, and I can’t stop watching it. I’m not sure what that says about me, but it can’t be good. I feel like I should send the Airing of Grievances a Hallmark card for finding it. I love how Brian Bellows just stands there and takes the abuse like the titfucker he is. I’m not sure I know what that means, by the way. Enjoy, and… you know, turn your volume down if you’re at work.

Well, yeah. As stated previously, the league has set the bar pretty low for the behavior that can earn a suspension. So if you ball your fist up and then use it to strike Michael Finley’s wang, you can probably expect a suspension. Jason Terry got a one game suspension for the junk-punch… grabbing his sack and yanking on it, though, I guess would’ve been fine.

I don’t think what Terry did was all that terrible, honestly… it’s not like he swung a haymaker. Yes, it was wrong, but I think it was a brief moment of weakness in reaction to guys diving at him and reaching for the ball. I don’t think any less of him for it… but at the same time, when you punch someone, no matter in what manner… the league isn’t going to just let it go.

I’m really not sure how much this hurts the Mavs. It may not show up until late in the game when fatigue and/or foul trouble show up. They can still trot out a line-up of Devin Harris, Jerry Stackhouse, Josh Howard, Dirk Nowitzki, and, depending on how small they want to go, Erick Dampier, Gana Diop, or Marquis Daniels. It does hurt their depth at the guard position. There will be times in the game where the Mavs have to go with a more traditional line-up and play the Spurs that way. Advantage, Spurs.

Pretty bad time for a starting point guard to get suspended. If it turns out that they really miss him, and they can’t win without him… then they’ve got to deal with an experience San Antonio team in a Game 7, at home, with all the momentum on their side. Bad, bad, time to get suspended.

Oh, and just because I like seeing it… here’s Michael Finley treating Erick Dampier like a pimp treat a ho.

Well, they have a handsome conference logo.  Used to, anyway.John Swofford, commissioner of the ACC, thinks the NCAA basketball tournament needs to expand. He also thinks that the selection committee needs to be changed up. From Jacksonville.com

“We think this is the best basketball conference in the country and would certainly expect to have our fair share of representation in the NCAA Tournament as we normally do in future years,” Swofford said. “We think it’s time to take a look at expanding the tournament.”

Swofford said the league’s leaders also expressed concern over the makeup of the 10-member selection committee, which included seven representative from mid-major or small conferences, some of which lacked basketball backgrounds.

Man, that ACC just can’t catch a break. It sure would be great for them if there was a cable sports network that liked them, or if their teams got any media exposure, or if they got all the great recruits, or if the most famous and recognizable college basketball commentator in the world continually sucked them off… it sure would be great if any of that could happen. But it can’t, and the underdog ACC keeps getting screwed by the man.

I think there’s only one reasonable solution here… and that’s for every team in the nation to join the ACC. It will be the first 327-team conference. And then, we’ll expand the NCAA tournament field to 327, and change the name of it to the John Swofford Invitational. And cheerleaders from all the schools will be forced to pleasure John Swofford, and Dick Vitale can hand-feed him grapes while Mike Krzyzewski arms him not just with a jumpshot, but for life.

At some point, asshole, you’re just going to have to accept that Florida State didn’t deserve a bid. Get over it.

In advance of the Mets/Yankees series this weekend, the players and managers seem to be saying to the fans, “Yeah, enjoy this, you uncultured sloths, but know that we, the players and managers, hate it. But we’re going to do it anyway, for you, so you better fucking enjoy it.”

Carlos Delgado says it’s “a pain.” Joe Torre says it “screws up the rest of the schedule.” I don’t get it… maybe one of you can help me understand it. I don’t know why it’s a pain, and I don’t know why it screws up the rest of the schedule. They were going to be playing baseball anyway, right? It’s not like this was going to be vacation time for them, but now they have to play the Mets. I don’t know why it’s a pain… I really don’t, someone help me out. It’s not like when the Mets play the Yankees, they have to play them at Australian Rules Football. It’s still baseball, I think.

I thought interleague play was a hit… I dunno. I thought people liked it. When did this change?

I don’t want to make it seem like I’m giving the shaft to the Mavs/Spurs series… I’m watching it as intently as I’m watching anything else. But by the time the games are over, and I watch Inside the NBA afterwards, there’s just no time for blogging. Truth be told, though, while Pistons/LeBrons is getting more attention, this series is better basketball and more significant in terms of the whole NBA. So I did want to mention a few things…

Tim Duncan can still play at an MVP level. I’m not saying that he’s going to win any more MVP awards, of course, but when he wants to, when he has to… Tim Duncan can still dominate a game. Excluding players on my favorite teams, I’m not sure I’ve gotten any more enjoyment out of watching anybody than I have Tim Duncan. His game is as brilliant as anyone who’s currently playing. It may not be as flashy, and drop-steps into left-handed shots off the glass may not make as many SportsCenter highlights as a LeBron James dunk, but… they’re brilliant and beautiful in their own right.

He’s still the player he once was… he just can’t be that player as often. Certainly not for 82 games. He’s a little creaky, a little aged… but when it has to be there, it’s still there.

Dirk Nowitzki has grown. I’ve also enjoyed watching Dirk Nowitzki in this series. For so long, I thought he was a crazy-talented, big, softie who needed to change his tampon, and was incapable of even formulating a thought about playing defense. Now I think he’s a crazy-talented veteran leader who’s willing to take the big shots without fear, who also still kinda refuses to play defense. Now, he’s still not an ice-water-in-his-veins killer like Jordan or anything, but… he doesn’t have to be. He’s grown, and that’s enough. It’s good to see.

I’m not yet embracing small ball. Bill Simmons wrote (very well) about it yesterday… this is where the game is heading. Just put five guys on the floor who all have some combination of run/shoot/penetrate/kick skills, let them play off each other, and hey, getting an open shot is almost a formality, unless the other team who somehow find five guys who are just as athletic and defend intelligently. That’s a pretty tall order, especially considering that most teams are still built in the traditional mold. Teams are saying, “Hey, true post players are hard to come by, so… fuck it, we’ll do things another way. And in the process, we’ll see if we can turn your post players into a liability.”

Now, we may be getting ahead of ourselves a little bit… neither Phoneix nor Dallas have won their series yet. The conference finals could still be Spurs/Clippers, two of the post post teams in the league. But the trend is still emerging… and more and more teams are going to adopt it, because it’s easier to build a team that way, and… I dunno, it might be just as, if not more, effective. We need a little more time to tell on that one. Like I said before, I might be getting ahead of myself here. I just don’t want to see post play go the way of David Stern’s mustache all together.

And one other quick thing on this series… anyone catch Michael Finley claiming that Jason Terry punched him last night? It was on the loose ball that led to the second jump ball. Terry and Finley were scrambling for it, and Finley got out of the pile, pissed off, motioning that Terry had punched him. Bruce Bowen and Tim Duncan had to talk him out of punching Terry in the mouth.

Remember all that noise Joey Porter was talking about how he had something to say to the President? About how he wanted some money back, and about how he had some things to say? Not so much, as it turns out

“I regret that my quotes about our team’s upcoming visit to the White House were taken out of context,” Porter said in a statement issued by the team. “I am very excited to have an opportunity to visit the White House and meet the president of the United States.”

Oh, well… I guess people took your quote out of context. Just for comparison’s sake, let’s revisit the original quote…

During the Steelers’ minicamp last weekend, Porter was smiling and laughing when he told reporters he had “something to say to Bush” during the Super Bowl champions’ June 2 visit to the White House.

“I’m going to have a swagger when I walk in there, too,” Porter said. “I’m looking forward to it but, like I said, I have something to tell him, too. I don’t like the way things are running right now. I feel like he’s got to give me some of my money back, so I got something to tell to Bush.”

Yeah, it’s easy to see how something like that got taken out of context. It’s not Joey’s fault for saying something he didn’t think through, it’s our fault for taking his eloquent words out of context. I know it doesn’t seem like it’s possible, but the quote about mouthing off to the president actually came in the middle of a lengthy Shakespeare reading that Joey was conducting. The shortsighted media just didn’t get it.

The irony is that Joey Porter is one of the few men on the planet who would probably make a worse choice for president than George W. Bush. If you think the war in Iraq is a problem, you really wouldn’t have liked the war on Canada that Joey would’ve started the first time someone told him that Tim Horton’s had better donuts than Dunkin’ Donuts.

I’m not sure if the secret service paid Joey a little visit, or if one of the Rooneys just pulled him aside and said, “Hey, try not to fucking embarrass us at the white house.” Either way, Joey’s suddenly not as tough as he was a few days ago.

And here’s the Colbert thing, if you don’t know what I’m referring to.

They make themselves easy to guard. The Pistons offense right now bears no resemblance to their offense from 2004 or 2005. It’s a fairly typical NBA offense. In the past, the Pistons had been the best in the league at getting into their sets, executing them to perfection, and somewhere along the way, ending up with a great look. Now, it’s a lot of individual play. That’s not the same as saying it’s selfish… it’s just pretty standard NBA fare. It seems like they’ll decide, “Okay, we’ll have Chauncey go to the basket,” or “We’ll feed Rasheed in the post,” and we’ll just let guys create off of that.

The end result is that they take a lot of shots that Larry Brown would’ve never tolerated. Just once in Game Five did they run a set where they moved the ball, made the extra pass, and got themselves a wide open dunk. In 2004 and 2005, it happened regularly. It was a more disciplined, efficient team then. Now, they settle for a lot of contested looks. You can get away with that in the regular season, because their talent dictates that they can, and in the regular season, no one’s really trying that hard. When the intensity’s turned up, though, things are different. And the effect of all of this is that unless they’re hitting shots from the outside, they’re a very average offensive team.

2) They’re not getting easy baskets. I can’t remember one fast break lay-up that the Pistons got… it may have happened, but if it did, it was a rare occasion. They’re not creating turnovers, blocking shots, and creating run-outs. And credit Cleveland for this, too… they’re taking good care of the ball. Eric Snow’s an underrated player, and they rarely make any risky passes. If they turn the ball over, it’s usually because LeBron hit someone with a pass who wasn’t ready for it.

And Kenny Smith made this point last night… the effort isn’t the same on defense as it used to be, because the Pistons think their path to victory is now through offense. Defense isn’t the same calling card it used to be. No one took a shot in the paint against the Pistons in the last couple of years without a swarm of arms in their face… and it seems pretty commonplace for the Cavs to just non-chalantly hit a little put-back shot here and there. That never used to happen.

So, to sum up… they’re not as good offensively as they once were (though they think they are), nor are they as good defensively. That’s usually not a good route to take… most of the time when an NBA GM calls me up and asks for advice and says, “Hey, should we get worse on both offense and defense,” I usually say no. Flip Saunders and I have a philosophical disagreement on that one.

The Pistons are not playing like the disciplined, defensive, intelligent group that earned them the reputation they’ve enjoyed up until now. But now, they’re playing like any old NBA team that’s coached by an average, run-of-the-mill head coach. Things run a lot smoother and easier with Flip. Sometimes, this is what smoother and easier gets you. Let’s call New York, offer to pay half of the $40 million, buy Larry Brown out, and pretend like the whole thing never happened.

And before wrapping up this post, let me apologize to Cavs fans for not crediting your team. I don’t intend to slight anyone, it’s just not how I watch Detroit games. I’m a Pistons fan, I watch them… no slight intended to the Cavs, they’re just not the subject of this post… this frustrated and emotional post. I’m going to go kick a dog.

88:12. This thing is over… and we’re wrapping up the LiveBlog. If Arsenal comes back and scores a miracle goal, I’ll feel pretty silly, but I don’t think there’s any point in hanging around.

87:30. Barca’s pretty good at “You can’t have the ball” mode.

83:56. And Barcelona’s gone into “You can’t have the ball” mode. And I don’t think Arsenal really wants it, either. They look like Oliver Miller after trying to guard Steve Nash for an entire game. Some tired fellas out there.

81:10. Someone who’s last name ends in “etti” puts one right through the goalie’s five-hole for the go-ahead goal. Quite an entertaining game… man, I bet that Arsenal goalie who got red-carded feels like a prick right about now. That last goal was certainly preventable. If it goes between your wickets, you could’ve prevented it.

80:01. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAL!

80:01. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAL!

80:01. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAL!

80:01. Barcelona seems to be gathering all the momentum after their goal and OOOOOOOHHHHH!

76:43. Big Sammy Eto’o of Cameroon gets the equalizer for Barca after a nifty little pass… and you can go straight to hell, Marcelo Balboa. Cut your hair, too.

72:57. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAL!

72:57. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAL!

72:57. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAL!

72:53. Marcelo Balboa is calling for a Barcelona player to get a yellow card because he took a dive in an attempt to get a free kick… right after Arsenal scored after their dive, Balboa praised the guy for doing it. Oh, okay. That’s not contradictory at all. Hypocritical bastard. I think he has money on Arsenal.

68:40. Thierry Henry very nearly doubles Arsenal’s lead… great save by Victor Valdez. Seemed like he really should’ve scored there. I would’ve. On FIFA ’06.

62:29. Man, Arsenal is getting a lot of chances for a team with 10 guys. This has to be frustrating as hell for Barcelona. The last few good chances have all been for Arsenal.

61:06. You know, I think MLS should make an effort to hire all British or Scottish commentators… it just makes soccer seem more soccer-y. I hate it when they let Marcelo Balboa chime in with his opinions… it’s like they’re just forcing him in, so us simple-minded Americans will feel more comfortable with this crazy jungle game.

56:11. Ronaldinho fails to convert again… little disappointed with my boy today.

55:10. Alright, I missed like the first 10 minutes of the 2nd half… but we’re back just in time for this Ronaldinho free kick…

45:00. And we’re going to halftime, 1-0 Arsenal. Back soon…

45:00. Oh, man… Big Sammy Eto’o of Cameroon drills one off the post after a nice reverse spin move on Sol Campbell. Great chance. That would’ve been sweet (the goaltender actually made the save, as we see later on the replay).

40:45. The commentator describes Barcelona as, “looking for a foothold on the latter to recovery.” You don’t hear a lot of that from Terry Bradshaw.

40:41. Ashley Cole tackles someone hard, and tries to walk away… but the Barca guy grabs Cole’s shorts and lifts himself up by them. I like that. “Fine, if you’re going to tackle me, I’m going to tug on your shorts and they will be wrinkled for the rest of the game. HA!”

36:54. Sol Campbell scores on a header… a beautiful little header. The side with 10 men is now leading… which should have Barcelona questioning their own manhood. The dive pays off… so much for jogaing bonita. Diving pussbag. Fuck Arsenal.

36:54. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOALL!

36:54. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOALL!

36:54. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOALL!

36:35. And a big fat Vlade Divac-dive gets Arsenal a free kick from just outside the box…

33:04. Hey, this game sucks now… Arsenal’s down a guy, so they’re just kicking back and playing defense. Barca’s controlling the ball, but not really getting it close to the net. Give Barcelona their goal, and let Arsenal have their guy back, and let’s do it that way.

27:24. Great play by Ashley Cole to get the ball away from Giuly in the box…

25:44. And we’ve got our first injury-faker/big pussy… some guy from Barca is lying on the ground like he was just attacked by a hall of fame running back, because he brought his ex-wife’s sunglasses to her… I hate this. You’re not hurt, man. No one’s buying it

24:52. Apparently, ESPN2 is having some problems with their HD feed. Not that I have HD… the commentator guy just apologized to all the viewers watching in the U.S. All 7 of us accept your apology.

21:45. And Eboue gets a yellow card… he just kinda kicked a guy in the upper thigh. Arsenal’s losing their shit a little bit.

20:40. And Ronaldinho just misses the little free kick from inside the box… I like how he makes the ball go all curvy.

19:07. Ooooh, drama. Barcelona gets loose with a long-ball, and they score… but it was nullified because Arsenal’s goalie came out and yanked a guy down by the ankle. He got a red card, and he’s done. Now the back-up goalie has to get dressed, and Arsenal is down a player. They’re on the power play for the rest of the game. But the downside is… you know, that goal would’ve been nice.

14:36. Guy just kicked the ball really high.

9:18. Thierry Henry is pointing at his face, as if to say, “Look at me… soccer superstars can have normal teeth.

7:32. Barca’s Eto’o creates a chance for Ronaldinho with a cross from the corner… Chompers couldn’t get any wood on it, though.

4:11. Barcelona may wanna shape up that defense… the commentator just called them “sixes and sevens.” I think that’s British for “pussies.”

2:35. Arsenal’s Eboue gets a nice ball into Thierry Henry… who had a point blank chance, but was denied by the keeper in green. Just a minute later out of the corner, Henry launches from outside the box and is again denied… nice. That’s how we start a game.

0:04. Hey, we’re underway. Barca calls a quick timeout so Ronaldinho can eat an apple through a chain-link fence.

0:00. SAY HELLO TO LJUNGBERG FOR ME!

0:00. Dammit. No day-glo Barca jerseys. Here are the intros, where all the players march out, side by side, each holding hands with a kid. But the Barca guys are with kids in Arsenal jerseys… and I’m a little bit afraid that the Barca goalie is going to eat his kid. The NFL would probably have a similar tradition, but really, what parent would trust Ray Lewis around their kid?

0:00. Now we’ve got a big black sheet with a bunch of white numbers on it covering the field, being carried by the fruits in white. By the way, I’ve never called anyone a fruit before in my life? Is that OK? No, it’s probably not OK, is it… I’m sorry.

0:00. I hope Barcelona’s wearing those day-glo yellow/greenish jerseys. Those things are sweet. Not enough teams take the field in flourescent colors.

0:00. A punk-rock, whorish version of Snow White is dancing, a 70-year-old Fabio is hanging from some cords, and men dressed completely in white are dancing around like fruits. The Beautiful Game, indeed.


But first, a quick FAQ…

But MJD, you know shit about soccer, right?

Accurate.

So we can expect to gain no real knowledge about soccer from your LiveBlog?

Again, accurate.

So why do it?

I’ve felt a very strong desire to make fun of Ronaldinho’s teeth.

God dammit, I hate soccer.

I know you do, and that’s OK. I used to be just like you. But there might be something here for you, anyway, because I’m not going to bore you with, you know… the tactical strategy of the middle back when the offense runs the counter wing zone shuffle counter kick-the-ball-really-hard play. I don’t know what any of that means. Hell, it probably doesn’t exist. So you don’t have to worry about that.

Alright, fine. Tell me why I should care about this game.

Well, I really like this Ronaldinho character. He definitely jogas bonita. I think, even if you hate soccer, you can appreciate this guy… his feet are as magical as Jessica Alba’s ass. Arsenal and Barcelona are thought of, at least to my limited knowledge, as not only two of the world’s best teams, but also the most entertaining. They’re fluid, creative, offensive… and since it’s a one game, 90-minute affair, I doubt either of them will just sit back and play boring defensive soccer. It’ll be a fun game… and it’s a game important enough that several European people are likely to get stabbed to death.

I still don’t care.

Suck me. I’m doing it anyway. I’ll be updating periodically…

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