The Scientology people are getting into NASCAR. “Dianetics,” the book by L. Ron Hubbard that is largely responsible for making popular all of this Scientology nonsense, is sponsoring a racing team. On the team name, they’re deciding between “Ignite Your Potential,” or “Team Crazy Motherfucker.” It’s still up in the air.

The reason that Scientology wants to get involved with NASCAR is obvious: because Tom Cruise was damn good in “Days of Thunder.” Some OT VIII Scientologist, who is completely gone, caught Days of Thunder on basic cable and thought to himself, “Yes. Scientologists have a talent for this, how do you say, auto racing? Yes. This is how we will con more–er, spread our word.”

Actually, I don’t think it will be Tom driving the car, unless there’s room in the back for Katie Holmes and the poor child who is facing a major uphill battle in life. I think they have another driver lined up:

Driver Kenton Gray credits Hubbard’s work with making him a good driver. “It’s markedly improved my focus and my consistency,” he said in an announcement from Hubbard’s publisher. “Through ‘Dianetics’ I’ve handled stress and increased my performance and ability to compete—both on the track and in life.”

Wow. Straight off the infomercial, huh, pal? Spoken like Ron Popeil. Or anyone else who’s trying to sell something.