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Zach Randolph… Come On, Man
June 9th, 2006

Oddly enough, he’s not even being charged with a crime here… but there’s still plenty of evidence here that Zach Randolph isn’t someone that you’d want on your basketball team. Or living anywhere within your area code.

A friend of Zach’s was driving Zach’s car, with Zach in the front seat. The driver was racing another car, doing 50-60 mph in a 20 mph zone. He was charged with speed racing, careless driving, failure to obey a traffic signal, and having no front plate. In addition, officers found two handguns in the car… but no one was charged with anything, becauze Zach has a concealed weapons permit. They must give those things to absolutely fucking anyone.

What do you need the guns for? In case you lose the race? If you’re at a point in your life where you feel it’s necessary to carry two handguns with you at all times, then you’ve probably made some poor choices along the way. And if you want to race, Zach, get yourself an XBox and a copy of Gran Turismo.

There may be no hope for this guy. I see him in a Knick uniform very soon.



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7 Responses to “Zach Randolph… Come On, Man”

  1. bill g Says:

    seriously, what the hell do they put in the water in portland?




  2. HuangKong Says:

    hgh?




  3. J.E. Skeets Says:

    Apparently draping oneself in velvet is now socially acceptable. Someone better tell Costanza…




  4. Ahereeum Says:

    Damn Skeets, you beat me to that! Purple velvet?…that my be the most startling part of the story!




  5. max power Says:

    *get yourself an XBox and a copy of Gran Turismo*

    I know a nerd trap when I see it, I wont take your bait my friend.




  6. Kyle Says:

    Being a few years older than Zach and also growing up in Indy (he’s from Marion), I can tell you that this is nothing new. He was a thug in HS and has continued all through his college and professional career.




  7. Mike in Portland Says:

    Yeah, we’re about sick of this guy. Here’s to him pump-faking his way to New York! (If you’ve never seen him pump fake, you’ve never seen a Blazer’s game…and I don’t blame you.)




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