There is something missing in Chris Henry’s head. Most of us have some sort of a mechanism up there that occasionally says to us, “Hey, it might be wrong to do this. Perhaps we should let this one go.” Of, failing that, it says, “Hey, I know you want to do this, hell, I do, too… but it is illegal, and you know, getting laid in jail isn’t nearly as pleasurable as it is on the outside.” Chris Henry lacks such a mechanism. He might be the dumbest man walking. Even Paris Hilton looks at this guy and says, “You know, he’s not that fucking bright.”
Henry turned himself in to police yesterday on three counts of “unlawful transactions with a minor.” He allegedly provided alcohol to three young women, ages 18, 16, and 15, in his car. And unless you’re Marcus Vick (who heard about this, called Chris Henry and said, “OH SHIT! THAT’S HOW WE DO IT, PLAYA!”), you know you can’t do that. And Henry is alleged to have known that all three women were not of legal age. He’ll be arraigned today.
Originally, one of the ladies told police that Henry raped her. Police grilled her and found out that it wasn’t true. So I guess we need to give Chris Henry some credit for that. So congratulations, Chris Henry, for stopping short of raping someone. Seriously, man, that’s awesome. You were raised right. Truth be told, I’d have bet against you in that situation.
For those of you scoring at home, that’s four arrests in nine months. Say, what is the NFL record for number arrests in a one-year period? I’ve gotta imagine that Chris Henry is re-writing that page of the record book. What an absolute jack-ass. I mean, I’m all for second chances, but… I mean, some people just aren’t going to get it. I demand that the Bengals do one of two things… 1) release him. Or 2) give him his own player blog on Bengals.com.
Joe Theismann has thus far remained silent on the issue.
Nat
hey.. long time reader first time commenter here. Just wanted to kinda throw out some love for this blog. You got me hating on Joe Theisman :) Oh its also nice that you throw up new stuff to read at this insane hour.
P.S: GAME 4 IS GOING TO BE SHAQ’S NIGHT!
June 15, 2006 at 3:39 am
tony
He’s one ugly sumbitch, too.
I heard the story earlier, but didn’t realize the chicks were 15… dude deserves a few months of that “Cornhole” game they favor in the ‘Nati… without beanbags or plywood…
June 15, 2006 at 3:42 am
Aaron
Not sure they can release him yet. I believe under the collective bargaining agreement you can’t outright release a player for off-field issues. Now, once camp gets here and they get the cover of a “football decision”, I think he will be gone. Until then, I think they can’t act just yet.
June 15, 2006 at 7:49 am
lopey
Aaron, I am sure he will receive a hefty suspension without pay from the NFL anyway, so the Bengals won’t be forced to pay him if that happens.
June 15, 2006 at 8:50 am
Johnny
Why does CH keep fooling with the petty crimes? He’s got a chance to be an A #1 Dickturd if he could just elevate his off the field game. If there was ever a chance for someone to hijack a school bus full of penguins while tripping A, this is your horse!
June 15, 2006 at 8:51 am
VTHokie
You know,that was pretty funny. Especially the part about Marcus Vick.
June 15, 2006 at 10:28 am
Theri Maa Bhanchod!
So let me get this straight….rich athlete, needs to get 15 yr olds drunk to get laid? Am I missing something here? What, is he following the Dazed and Confused philosophy of “i get older, they stay the same age”?
If I’m one of his adultering teammates, I give him hell for that. Forget teh arrests, the fact that a guy who can just walk into a bar and buy some bimbo for the night closer to his age couldn’t get a 15 yr old to give it up w/o alcohol. What’s next? Does he drive her up to a lookout point on a mountain for some necking? Does he pull the old ‘yawn and put your arms on her shoulder” routine at the movies? What a fucking douche
June 15, 2006 at 10:36 am
danks
I had the pleasure of being at WVU when Henry was there, and you could tell he was going to be special. I am very proud of his attemlt at breaking every law possible, he will show what a true Mountaineer can accomplish.
I just hope he will wear his jersey when he is caught giving rufi cooladas to underage girls.
June 15, 2006 at 10:56 am
BG
Okay as a Bengals fan let’s get one thing straight, Chris Henry needs to go. This has gotten embarassing–maybe farcical–for the team and the city. It seems as though with the loss of the behaviorally maladjusted student/athletes who played for Bob Huggins that Mr. Henry has tried to single handedly keep the athlete-to-citizen arrest ratio relatively stable in the Queen City.
June 15, 2006 at 11:02 am
UC
The saddest part is that he’s not a bad WR. Great potential. He filled in nicely on my fantasy team last season after TO screwed me over.
Sad story. But what a total dumbass. I mean, I’ve been arrested four times, but not in a four month span. Jeez.
June 15, 2006 at 11:58 am
The Big Picture
hey, 15 aint what it used to be.
June 15, 2006 at 3:04 pm
Kyle
Awesome. That’s the kind of behavior we can expect going into the future from more and more athletes. With the gross amount of importance put on sports now, and the money involved it will only get worse. And that’s a smartass blogger’s dream. It’s gonna make it so easy to make fun of the ridiculousness of sports. Yay!
June 15, 2006 at 4:41 pm
tony
15 is the new 22.
June 15, 2006 at 6:33 pm
harry poovey
15 is the new 17
June 15, 2006 at 9:22 pm
Paging Roger Cossack
He didn’t even really “stop short of raping someone…” She admitted that she had had consensual sex with him, that it wasn’t rape. …And then she got picked up a week later for prostitution. :D
June 18, 2006 at 5:39 am
Moose Bigelow
lol ill pretend u said 18
June 19, 2006 at 1:05 am
AlishaG
Chris kicks ass on the field and knows how to play! He is my boy. Go Bengals!
January 21, 2007 at 4:20 pm