Archive for June 20th, 2006

June20

While Barry Melrose Is Wheeled Back Into Storage…

By: the mighty mjd

I’m just wondering if maybe the NHL gets a little too much media attention. This probaly isn’t going to be popular, but… I think it’s a legitimate question to ask. Everyone knows how bad hockey’s TV ratings have been. I’m not trying to twist that knife, but… given the general disinterest of the general populace towards hockey, perhaps ESPN and other sports media outlets are giving it a little bit too much attention.

Game Seven led SportsCenter… and ESPN.com did one of those special half-page graphics for it. It was the big story of the day, and while it doesn’t quite get the same SportsCenter treatment as the Super Bowl, World Series, or NBA Finals… it’s not that far below. Is that as it should be? I don’t know what the Game 7 ratings were, but… Game Six of a very competitive series got an embarrassing 1.2. That’s like a UPN number. No need to rehash all the individual ratings, but hey, Game 7 notwithstanding, they’re turtle’s dick low.

I’m just wondering if, for example, Arena Football fans get pissed off when the NHL leads SportsCenter, while Arena Football brings in better TV ratings. On the surface at least, they’d seem to have a point… as would fans of the WNBA or women’s college softball. Maybe the TV ratings aren’t the end-all, be-all…and maybe there’s something to be said for the intensely loyal nature of hockey fans. But I still think it’s fair to at least ask if maybe ESPN should move it down the list a little bit.

Posted in: ESPN, Hockey, Media17 comments

June20

The Large Benjamin Aftermath

By: the mighty mjd

The woman whose windshield was attacked by Ben Roethlisberger is getting threatening phone calls from Steelers fans. It’s mentioned in this article without a whole lot of detail. Just that the phone calls have taken place, and that a police report has been filed.

Certainly, not a huge surprise. In fact, I consider it a pretty big upset that it’s been limited to just phone calls. I’d have expected her house to have been vandalized by this point, maybe her car stolen… and I wouldn’t rule out physical assault on a 62-year-old lady, either. She should probably have just moved the second she hit him. If I was in her shoes, I’d have watched Ben bounce off the windshield, gotten out to see if he was alive, backed over him a few times so people would fear me, and then gotten back in my car and headed straight for Seattle, where I’d be given a key to the city, and they’d hold a parade in my honor.

I’m just kidding. I wouldn’t have backed over him. Unless he was in my way.

Anyway, back to the phone calls. What would one of those sound like? I hope this woman somehow recorded them, and they leak onto the internet. I’m envisioning something like this…

“HEY! Hey, you old bag! Do you know what you did? Don’t yinz know anything about Steeler football? You almost killed Ben! BIG BEN! YOU ALMOST KILLED HIM. DON’T YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM? He plays for the Steelers, and goddamit, I LOVE THAT MAN.

(brief pause, followed by a sniffle)

He’s so good. And he’s big and he’s strong and he’s tall and he throws that ball hard and he wears nice clothes and he’s SO COOL. I can’t believe what you did to him. YOU HURT MY BIG BEN. I love him so much.

(pauses to sniffle and wipe tears from eyes)

I just don’t know what I’ll do if he’s hurt. I love him… I love him like men love other men. God, I hope he’s okay. They won’t let me into the hospital. Not even just to say that I love him! Can you believe that? I JUST WANT TO TALK TO HIM AND TELL HIM I LOVE HIM!

(openly crying at this point)

God, I feel so empty right now, and I swear to God, I’m not gay. I can’t imagine what my Sundays will be like if Ben is hurt. The Steelers will go 6-10, and I won’t want to watch them play, and I’ll have nothing to do but listen to Journey and drink Iron City, and I’ll cry all the time, but I’m not allowed to see my kids anymore, and sometimes my pills don’t work, and BEN MAKES EVERYTHING OKAY. CAN’T YOU SEE THAT?

(fifteen-second pause, another sniffle, attempting to control the sobbing)

Hey, do you think I’m a good person?

(click)

I’LL KILL YOU, YOU FUCKIN’ WHORE!

Posted in: Dickheads, NFL7 comments

June20

Kenyon Martin Almost Has To Be A Knick

By: the mighty mjd

Both Kenyon Martin and George Karl discussed Kenyon Martin’s tenure as a Nugget yesterday, and both of them seem to wish the whole thing never would’ve happened. And Kenyon Martin, even though he’s explaining things on his own behalf, kinda sounds like a pussy here:

Martin: “I was a little perturbed about the situation. I felt I played (hard). I understand the coach being upset we did not close it (out) at the end like we should have. But for a coach to say that was not the thing to say. He might have said it to the press and he definitely said it in the locker room. He said guys weren’t rebounding. He said to Marcus Camby, ‘I can’t wait ’til you get back, big fella.’

“The next day was a day off. The following day we were at practice, a shootaround. George comes over. I told him, ‘I don’t want to talk to you, you know, I don’t rebound the ball. I’m not going to say anything to you.’ I get up and walk over to (then general manager) Kiki (Vande- weghe). George comes over to me again. I said: ‘I don’t want to talk to you. Go talk to Marcus. He’s your rebounder.”‘

Yeah… that’s pretty much straight bitch. I don’t know why you’d want to tell anyone that. I mean, hey, we all have our moments where we act childish and petulant, but… you know, most of us aren’t proud of them. Most of us don’t go into detail about them to a Denver Post reporter. “Yeah, hey, guy with the microphone… wanna hear a story about what a huge pussy I am? Settle in, I’ve got plenty.”

And that’s just one incident. There are plenty more in the article, and I don’t think Kenyon comes off particularly well in any of them. In fact, here’s a quote from an unnamed veteran teammate:

“Kenyon was not playing a lot but was in the locker room encouraging guys to ‘get tough, get ready.’ We were listening and thinking of a guy who was out partying last night, on his feet, but does not practice and play. There is the perception that Kenyon does not want to be a professional. Are you really hurt? Kenyon is obnoxious, ignorant, boisterous.”

I don’t know if Knicks owner Jimmy Dolan reads the Denver Post, but if he does, he’s probably calling the Nuggets right now to offer up the Knicks next 27 first round picks for him. Huge contract? Check. Wildly overrated? Check. Poor attitude? Check. Where’s the downside here? It’s almost as if he was born to be a Knick.

Posted in: Dickheads, NBA1 comments

June20

Santonio Holmes Gets Arrested An Awful Lot For A Guy Who’s Done Nothing Wrong

By: the mighty mjd

He got the benefit of the doubt when he got locked up in Miami on a weekend where the Miami PD seemed to be arresting everybody. But, this arrest is Santonio Holmes’ second before his first training camp. He’s approaching Chris Henry territory. He’s not there, but… he’s on that path.

Santonio, shown above on his way to a Tracy Chapman lookalike party, has some baby mama drama. According to police reports, a woman called police and said the father of her child had assaulted her. Officers showed up, arrested him, and charged him with domestic violence and simple assault. Both are misdemeanors.

Steelers fans are understandably upset. One Steeler fan was interviewed and said, “Hey, if this bitch was so worried about domestic violence, she should just put on a damn helmet!” He then got a portable gas grill out of his trunk, stuck a Terrible Towel in his pants, and asked if he could borrow an officer’s taser gun to ingite his grill so he could cook a delicious bratwurst.

Not a good start for Santonio Holmes in Pittsburgh.

Posted in: Criminality, NFL3 comments

June20

Stephon Marbury Is Doing Good Things…

By: the mighty mjd

…but still finding time to make me laugh in the process. Marbury’s doing something nice for kids in his hometown of Coney Island. And that’s fantastic. Part of what he’s doing is helping to get kids really expensive shoes, for not much money. I’ll let him explain.

“The sneaker’s going to be $14.98, the same exact shoe that you can go and spend $220 for,” Marbury said. “What we’re trying to do is allow kids to understand that we can still have the fly stuff, and we don’t got to pay a whole bunch of money. The way how this world is right now, we need more people like me.“

Awesome.

Posted in: NBA8 comments

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