Archive for June 22nd, 2006

Duke Revard sent this picture in yesterday… I am eternally grateful. That’s Dirk Nowitzki, just clearly shitfaced, hanging out with what I presume to be a ladyfriend of his. They must be pretty good friends, he’s wearing her earring, and she’s wearing his shirt.

Now, no one’s criticizing Dirk. He would not be the first player in NBA history to ever get drunk around the time of the Finals, nor would he be the first to rough up some random poontang. Maybe it was before the Finals, maybe it was shortly thereafter, maybe it was at halftime of Game 4… it doesn’t really matter. If nothing else, he should be congratulated just for being awesome.

So says Eric Wynalda. The United States lost to Ghana this morning, 2-1, ending their World Cup hopes. A win would’ve gotten us through to the next round, as Italy did their part and took care of the Czechs. But we just weren’t capable.

And, ultimately… I think we just aren’t talented and skilled enough to play with some of the teams out there. We were in a tough group, with at least two (and evidently three) teams who are clearly a notch ahead of us. And on top of all that, Bruce Arena left himself plenty of room for second-guessing here.

I’m not going to call for him to be fired, and I think he’s done some phenomenal work in building the US Soccer program to this point. But it’s hard to disagree with Wynalda’s contention that he fucked this up. He played the 4-5-1 to death, even when we desperately needed goals. He actually super glued Eddie Johnson’s ass to the bench, even though he proved to be one of the few players on the squad capable of giving us a spark. Tactically, he might just not be a world class coach. Maybe we should hire a Dutch guy or something. Or hope that Germany flames out soon, and fires Jürgen Klinsmann, and see if we can scoop him up.

Unfortunately, there was another highly call, and it turned out to be extremely costly. Oguchi Onyewu was called for a foul in the box, and Dwyane Wade was awarded a penalty kick. Easily the weakest call that I’ve ever seen awarded a penalty kick. But it’s a Mavs-esque situation here. We fucked ourselves… Claudio Reyna absolutely handed them a goal, we wasted a couple of golden chances in the second half, and we just didn’t play that well. No fluidity, passing wasn’t crisp enough, didn’t get to enough 50-50 balls… Fuck.

This has to be considered a failure. Not because we lost to a good Ghana team, and not even because we didn’t advance… but because we played well in just one of three games. Maybe we shouldn’t have won all of these games outright, but we shouldn’t have been outclassed, and we were. And the players have to take some blame for that, but that’s on Bruce Arena, too. For whatever the reason, we just didn’t seem ready.

But hey, congrats to Ghana. Maybe we owe them one, since we kinda, you know… stole some people from there a few hundred years ago. And if you can remove our own failures from the situation, it’s hard not to feel good for Ghana. They drew a “group of death,” just as we did, but the little African nation found a way to get through. I’ll be rooting them while Brazil bends them over and sodomizes them.

In case you missed it, and I doubt you have, Ozzie Guillen got mad at Chicago Sun-Times columnist and ESPN personality Jay Mariotti. Guillen was upset with Mariotti for a column he wrote in which he criticized Guillen for his treatment of Sean Tracey. He had this to say about Jay:

“What a piece of shit he is. Fucking fag.”

You just can’t do that. Now, Ozzie issued the standard apology that only applies, evidently, “if someone was offended.” But he also explained that in his country, the same insult doesn’t mean the same thing. To him, it’s a shot at a man’s courage, and not his sexual preference.

I buy that… I believe that Ozzie wasn’t actually saying that Jay Mariotti is sleeping with Michael Strahan. But the problem is that his intent doesn’t matter… not even a little bit. When you call someone a ‘fag,’ given it’s standard meaning in this culture, what you’re doing is ascribing those negative qualities (unmanliness, lack of courage, whatever it may be) to homosexuals. Whether you intended to or not, you’re using homosexuality as an insult. You’re saying that to be gay is to be something undesirable.

That may not be true in Ozzie’s culture. But, you know, he didn’t say this in Venezuela. He said it here, and it absolutely is offensive, and it absolutely cannot be tolerated. He should be suspended. No question about it. Major League Baseball can’t tolerate this; they can’t say it’s okay. I’m not saying Ozzie’s a bad person, I believe that he didn’t want to hurt anyone (except Jay Mariotti), but again… intent is not relevant. What he said, and the affect it has on people is relevant. And I think he gets that, at least somewhat:

I’ve been here 20 years, but people have to know I grew up in a different country. To me, that’s not an excuse. I called the guy a bad name.”

I think that’s fair. But I agree, it is not an excuse… so a suspension is called-for.

Ozzie went on to say that he has gay friends, went to a Madonna concert, and plans to attend the Gay Games in Chicago. And, my personal favorite… he goes to WNBA games. I bet the WNBA people loved that… “Hey, come on, I love gay people, I even go see women play basketball!” We’ll probably be seeing WNBA commercials in the near future with a brand new slogan: “The WNBA. Because sitting through one of our games is proof that you’re gay-friendly.”

It might just be the typical nastiness that’s likely to come from any divorce proceedings, but… it’s too awesome to just let pass. Michael Strahan’s ex-wife made some intimations that Strahan might enjoy the tight end.

After the divorce, according to Strahan’s ex-wife, Strahan moved into his pal Ian Smith’s apartment. Ian Smith’s one-bedroom apartment. “And you can say an alternative lifestyle sprouted,” she said.

Now, Smith says he’s happily married (not that that has to stop him from some hot man-on-man action), and says the whole thing is ridiculous. And hey, it probably is. Chances are, he’s straight as an arrow, and even if he isn’t, he’ll deny it, and that will be the end of it. Maybe he slept on the guy’s couch for a night or two… no big deal. Or maybe Strahan stuffed and mounted him like a world record bass.

So yeah, I have no idea if it’s true. But what I do hope, however… is that Jeremy Shockey thinks it’s true. If a training camp fight were to erupt between Shockey and Strahan… we’ll know why. Or perhaps Shockey will just show up at Strahan’s house one day in a dripping wet t-shirt, and Strahan will invite him in, and Shockey will attempt to kiss him in the kitchen, and Strahan will tell him he has the wrong idea… and then Shockey will come back with a pistol and put a bullet into Strahan’s head. I think there’s like a 70 – 80% chance of that happening.

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