I know I said I wasn’t giving you any draft coverage, but… slight change of plans. Actually, I’m not sure this counts as draft coverage at all; as neither Danks or I ever put together anything that could be confused with an intelligent, rational, thought… but this is our instant messenger conversation that took place during the draft last night.

And a quick heads-up… a couple of these links are very much inappropriate, if you’re in any kind of a work environment, or if you’re a decent human being. Particularly the Mary Pierce one, and the one right after Spanish Chocolate.

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Danks: it’s nice to see they have the second string broadcast team tonight
mjd: Stuart Scott is going to brutalize us for like six hours.
Danks: yeah he sucks
Danks: the TrailBlazers are going with the fire sale technique
mjd: Oh, man… the Blazers are trading up and aren’t taking Adam Morrison.
mjd: People are going to fucking riot.
Danks: yes
Danks: i hate people with diabetes
mjd : At least he’s going to Charlotte, somewhere where the hair and mustache will fit in.
Danks : i hope he starts smoking
Danks : listening to Jay Bilas compared to the others is like listening to Stevie Wonder compared to Kid Rock
mjd : Yeah, it really is.
Danks : it should be Reece Davis, Andy Katz, Jay Bilas, and Eric Wynalda

mjd : And Julie Foudy laying in front of the desk, nude.
Danks : using a whistle and a red card anyway she wants
mjd : Rrrrrow.
mjd : Man, Morrison looks ridiculous with that hat on.
Danks : why is he trying to look like a damn hippie

mjd : Oh, good, it’s Dick Vitale.
Danks : "WHY HASN’T JJ BEEN PICKED YET BABY!"
mjd : I want to set him on fire.
Danks : best player in draft right there with Tyrus Thomas
mjd : Could be… depends on how he’s used.
Danks : hopefully he is used in many sexual ways
mjd : I think Scott Skiles is just that kind of coach.
mjd : Ooooh, the lavender sweater vest from Ty Thomas…
mjd : You rarely see that under a black pinstripe suit.
Danks : why the fuck is taking advice from Simone Augustus
mjd : The only thing he should take from her is her virginity.
mjd : Any team that drafts a guy named Shelden has never seen "When Harry Met Sally."
Danks : Sam Cassell has just drafted Sheldon Williams to the All Ugly team
mjd : He’ll certainly fit right in.
Danks : i cant wait for the second round
mjd : If Foye goes to Houston… Houston’s lucky.
Danks : does Greg Anthony know that he is full of shit, and has no idea what he’s doing
mjd : He spends all year watching the NBA, and all the sudden, they want him to evaluate college guys.  Whatever works, I suppose.
mjd : I don’t think Houston should take Gay… they need a guard. Marcus Williams should be their pick.
mjd : Oh, man. I hate to see Foye get stuck in Portland.
mjd : Their roster is now Foye, Aldridge, and shit.
Danks : i hope he likes dog fighting
mjd : That’s the team initation, he has to fight Qyntel Woods’ dog.
mjd : Man, Boston looks dumb right now… Foye for Telfair?  Come on now.
Danks : and Theo Ratliff motherfucker
mjd : Yeah, actually… he’s a Top-5 center in the East.
mjd : Shane Battier for Rudy Gay…
mjd : I hope Jerry West used lubrication during that rape.
Danks : wait what happened
mjd : They’re trading Battier for Gay.
Danks : interesting
mjd : I love Battier, and he’s a fine player, but… I dunno. Gay’s got star potential. Battier is what he is… and he’s not a rookie anymore.

Danks : he’s more confusing looking than Jason Kidd
mjd : Swedish, I believe.
Danks : i’d like to fuck some sweeds
mjd : Like Bjorn Borg?
Danks : Patrick O’Bryant

mjd : I think that’s a good pick, too…
mjd : It’s too bad that playing for Golden State will contractually require him to be mediocre.
Danks : yes

mjd : Oh, that’s fucked up, Dan Patrick.  "We have a big trade, we’ll tell you about it after this commercial."
mjd : Asshole.

Danks: yes
mjd: Sear Sene already?  Reeeeeach.
Danks: what the fuck
Danks : i think he’s an ex-goalie
mjd : 3.1 PPG last year? Yeah, looks like a future goalie, too.
mjd : Bilas: "Doesn’t have a clue what he’s doing offensively." That’s always good to hear.
Danks : we’ll never hear from this guy again
mjd : Wait, I remember this guy… I watched that USA Hoops Summit game.
mjd : Yeah, he blocked crazy shots. But that was about it.
mjd : Redick to Orlando.  I think Dick Vitale is masturbating.
Danks : did you see that shit grin on Vitale’s face
mjd : Yes.
mjd : A Trajan Langdon mention. That guy was good for me on NBA Live.
Danks : nice
Danks : have fun sitting the bench asshole
mjd : Ah, I think he’ll start.
Danks : not after i bust his knee caps
mjd : Fair enough.
mjd : Seems a little early for Hilton Armstrong. But look at the neck on that guy.
Danks : nice Merton Hanks is back
mjd : He certainly is plentiful in the neck department.
mjd : I want to drop an anvil on Stuart Scott’s balls.
Danks : i wish the ombudsmen would come out and say "I fucking hate Stuart Scott"
mjd : I think the ombudsman is Stu’s uncle.
Danks : nice, a black dude from Federer land
mjd : How do you take a Swiss guy in the lottery…
mjd : He’ll be playing for the New York Liberty in two years.
mjd : Actually, he does look sorta freakishly athletic there, doesn’t he…
Danks : yeah not bad
Danks : hey what do you think of Kim Clijsters?
mjd : Eh.
mjd : I mean, she’s not cracking my Top 10 list or anything, but… I would plow her like an Amish rutabaga field.

Danks : Link
mjd : Goodness.
Danks : yeah i was never into her and then i saw that picture…and now i really wouldn’t mind giving her the dirty hewitt
mjd : I wonder if that Swiss guy has ever nailed Martina Hingis.
Danks : she looked good today
Danks : Link
mjd : Where do you find this shit, man…
Danks : damn David Stern is pissed
mjd : Wow… he fucking hates Dan Patrick.
mjd : I bet it took two or three people to help Hingis get that wedge out.
mjd : Lucky Ronnie Brewer… hello, Salt Lake City.
Danks : yeah
Danks : give me a name of a tennis chick and i’ll hook you up
mjd : Jimmy Connors.
mjd : I think David Stern’s been drinking.
Danks : Link
mjd : NICE.
mjd : Cedric Simmons… hey, ACC player that Vitale likes.  What a surprise.
mjd : I like the Rodney Carney pick for Philadelphia. He could be a stud with some work.
Danks : he can be nasty
mjd : Are they going to play him and Igoudala together?
Danks : good question
mjd : I want to poke Stuart Scott in the eye.
Danks : ha
mjd : Indiana’s going to get Marcus Williams here… just like they got Granger last year.
Danks : yeah lucky fucks
mjd : Or not.
mjd : Back to back Memphis Wildcats off the board.
mjd : Maybe teams just feel like Memphis players are NBA-ready because Calipari’s been paying them for so long.
Danks : true
Danks : Greg Anthony should be shot by someone soon
mjd : I think I have a crush on Jay Bilas.
Danks : i want david stern to get drunk and punch Dan Patrick
mjd : What do you think Stern drinks?
mjd : I say straight gin.
Danks : yeah that sounds about right
Danks : possibly Colt 45 40′s
mjd : I think that’s unlikely..
mjd : Big Ukrainian guy goes to the Wizards…
mjd : Fran Fraschilla likes it, so it must be a good pick.
Danks : I would listen to him if he could hold a fucking job
mjd : He looks like a malnourished Lurch.  Ukranian guy, that is.
mjd : He plays for "PARIS BASKET RACING."
mjd : Basket racing is a completely different sport. I hope he knows that.
Danks : that is a lame name, but not as lame as the Swiss soccer club "Young Boys"
mjd : Yeah. I always get arrested when I wear my "Young Boys" jersey.
mjd : Considering the way the NBA’s going, how are we 18 picks into this thing, and no one’s taken a point guard?
Danks : you think if the Knicks drafted Pittsnogle, that Spike Lee would give him a thumbs up
mjd : Spike Lee loves Pittsnogle.  I think he’s starring in "He’s Got Game 2" this summer.
Danks : Link
mjd : Why…
Danks : i dont know
mjd : Quincy Douby, to Sactown. David Stern approves.
mjd : I wonder why Quincy wasn’t at the draft. Was there a Bon Jovi concert on campus at Rutgers tonight?
Danks : haha
mjd : This Knicks fan wants Marcus Williams… good luck, fuckhead. IN THE RIVER, BABY.
Danks : hey Stuart Scott your mother’s a terrible cook
mjd : He is also under the mistaken impression that Nate Robinson is good.
mjd : That idiot Knicks fan that was on a minute ago now has on a Nuggets jersey.
Danks : hahahahahaha
mjd : Renaldo Balkman. Huge crowd favorite.
Danks : oh yeah
mjd : I don’t even know if that guy exists. I think Isiah just thought, “Wouldn’t it be awesome if there was a guy named Renaldo Balkman? I’m going to take him, just in case there is.”
mjd : He was an NIT MVP.  That seems oddly appropriate.
mjd : Jay Bilas is hammering the pick… this is fucking awesome.
mjd : I wonder if the Knicks could win the NIT.
Danks : Isiah should be fired right now
mjd : Hey, that’s odd. There’s a guy is jumping up and down smiling, holding a sign that says he’s depressed.  You don’t see that everyday.

mjd : Balkman looks like a janitor with a drug problem.
Danks : i’d rather draft Greg Anthony
mjd : That was awesome. Thank you, Isiah.
mjd : Spike’s keeping the faith.
mjd : Spike Lee is the one reason I kinda want the Knicks to get better. I mean, a schmuck like me deserves to cheer for a bad team. But Spike Lee is a genius… it just seems wrong.
Danks : yes
mjd : Andy Katz says Boston is trying to get back in the draft, to take Rajon Rondo… who is a point guard. Much like Sebastian Telfair.
Danks : oh great lets pay Brian Grants 45 million a year contract
mjd : So you take Grant’s massive contract, so you can have a back-up point guard?
mjd : I like Rondo, but… I don’t know how this makes sense for Boston.
mjd : I also don’t have any idea how Rondo gets taken ahead of Marcus Williams.
Danks : what’s made sense in Boston since drafting Larry Bird?
Danks : fucking Danny Ainge, hit or miss
mjd : If the Nets don’t take Marcus Williams, I’m just turning the TV off.
Danks : yeah its getting a little absurd
mjd : Marcus Williams to the Nets… Knicks fans are pissed off.
Danks : its a beautiful thing
mjd : Oh, man… the Nets took Josh Boone, too. The other guy the Knicks fans wanted.
Danks : haha sweet
mjd : Josh Boone, Jason Kidd… the Nets are becoming the "Hey, what fucking color is that guy?" team.
Danks : yeah what the fuckis going on
Danks : Link
mjd : Oooh. Not bad.
mjd : Man, the Nets did really well for themselves… back-up point guard, serviceable big man… Rod Thorn, represent.
Danks : Link
Danks : mary pierce, my my
mjd : I don’t have any sort of a response for that.
Danks : haha i wish that was real
mjd : She doesn’t seem to be enjoying herself there…
Danks : no
mjd : Wow. Rudy Gay’s watch cost more than my car.
Danks : was that rudy gay’s mom?
mjd : I think so.
Danks : not bad
mjd : Are you alright, man?
mjd : Hey, Kyle Lowry. I like that pick.
Danks : yeah it is a great pick
Danks : did Jim Grey get a labotomy
mjd : He seems depressed.
Danks : maybe Kobe Bryant raped his wife
mjd : That’s not nice.
Danks : i think Jerry West just laughed at Rudy Gay’s last name
mjd : Farmar to the Lakers… I’m not a huge fan.
mjd : 42-inch vertical… damn.
Danks : yesh that’s pretty damn good
mjd : My vertical is only like 39.
Danks : still not too bad
mjd : Oh, that pick was still a part of the Shaq deal for the Lakers… so I guess Farmar means that the Lakers won that deal.
Danks : i thought they already had
mjd : Yeah, Lamar Odom was really robbed in the MVP vote this year.
Danks : oh yeah
Danks : this movie looks funny as hell
mjd : I’d let Uma Thurman throw a shark at me.
Danks : yes
Danks : Sergio Rodriquez, didn’t he score two of the four goals against Ukraine?
mjd : He’s also a hell of a golfer.
mjd : They call him "Spanish Chocolate." I think "Spanish Fly" works much better.
Danks : Link
mjd : That’s a tight jersey.
Danks : yeah not bad
mjd : What the hell is wrong with Jim Gray…
Danks : i think he is trying to get fired
mjd : Hey, Maurice Ager… our first crier.
Danks : about time
mjd : I’m bored.
Danks : yes
mjd : Find me a Aranxtra Sanchez-Vicario picture.
Danks : got it
Danks : hahahaha this knicks fan is awesome
mjd : Mark Jones is disgusted.
mjd : Do they look for dumb Knicks fans, or are there just not any smart ones…
mjd : I actually kinda like Mardy Collins.
Danks : who the fuck is Mardy Collins
mjd : Big point guard, good defender… can’t shoot, thogh.
Danks : nice
Danks : Link
mjd : I thank you, kind sir.
Danks : next?
mjd : Amelie Maruesmo. With the big shoulders.
Danks : Link
mjd : Excellent work… though she does look a big mannish.

mjd : But hey, I’m into that.
Danks : i try
Danks : next kind sir?

mjd : Capriati’s ass.
mjd : Awesome… British guy just gave Stern an England soccer jersey.
Danks : yeah that was sweet
Danks : Link
mjd : You are amazing.
Danks : i cant be stopped
mjd : I bet you can’t find a picture of Martina Navritilova doing a guy.
Danks : i can try
Danks : hahha i found something even better
Danks : Link
mjd : You are a world champion in this field.
Danks : i am only getting better too
mjd : Alright. Find Billie Jean King looking hot.
Danks : that may be impossible
mjd : That’s your challenge.
Danks : Link
Danks : the best i can do
mjd : Ouch.
Danks : how do you ref a street ball game?
mjd : That’s a very good question.
mjd : "Hey, you, the guy playing defense… get away from him."
Danks : pretty much
Danks : what the fuck
mjd : Hey, if Shaq thinks he’s Superman, does that make Cuttino Mobey and Steve Francis "Ace and Gary"?
Danks : i think so
mjd : Did the Bucks take the purple out of their color scheme?
Danks : fucking homophobes
mjd : I think they did.
Danks : they should go back to that picture of the Buck smiling dribbling the ball
mjd : Hell yes.
mjd : And those three-tone green side panels.
mjd : The Jews in the crowd love the pick of the Isreali guy.