Archive for August 8th, 2006

Take absolutely nothing from the fact that Team USA romped the Chinese team last night. They’re the worst team we”ll play. Most good mid-major college in America would’ve destroyed them. Here’s a bulleted list of observations, and if it seems like I’m focusing on the negatives, I am. I didn’t see much progress from the Puerto Rico game, and I still think there are a ton of ways in which we can get burned.

• We started with a completely different group of starters, something that’s probably a good thing.
• Gilbert Arenas was the point guard with the starting unit. I think we need Kirk Hinrich or Chris Paul out there at all times.
• We’re still weak on defending the high screen-and-roll.
• I still think we take too many quick shots, especially early in games. I don’t think our shot selection is very good.
• I like the fact that we’re playing a pressure man defense. With our superior athleticism, there are obvious advantages to it. But we’re still not that good at it. This massively unathletic Chinese team was beating us off the dribble quite often, and the help is still a little bit slow to get there.
• A lot of our first-half dominance against China came on the offensive boards. To think that this is a positive indication for us is fool’s gold. They didn’t have Yao, they didn’t rebound aggressively, and they didn’t have a ton of size; at least not the kind of size that’s effective inside. We won’t do that against the good teams we play.
• We force a lot of turnovers with our quick hands, speed, and athleticism, but again, the Chinese were terrible at handling the ball. We will not be able to do this against the better teams in the tournament.
• Shane Battier was again fantastic, and through two games, I’m calling him our MVP.

And this just in: Team USA beat Brazil today by a score of 90-86. The article from ESPN.com news services makes it sound like we struggled because Carmelo Anthony got hurt, a ridiculously absurd notion. It’s not like this team should fall apart if we lose one player, I don’t care who that player is.

This is the game I’d love to see, but unfortunately, it’s not going to be on. The Brazilian team features Leandro Barbosa and Anderson Varejao, and would certainly be the best team we’ve played thus far. This is a game from which we’d be able to tell something. Shame that this is the one they’re not televising.

Bengals guard Eric Steinbach is getting creative. This past Saturday night, Steinbach said “Fuck Chris Henry and his gun charges, fuck A.J. Nicholson and his grand theft, fuck Frostee Rucker and his spousal battery, fuck Odell Thurman and his substance abuse. Check this one out, bitches. BOATING UNDER THE INFLUENCE, MY FRIEND. Ya get that? BOATING under the influence. I boat SHITFACED. That’s what I DO.”

Okay, that’s not a direct quote, and he probably didn’t say anything like that, though I really wish he would have. He did actually get arrested and charged with boating under the influence, however. An officer spotted him in an “idle-only” zone, and Steinbach proceeded to fail a series of field sobriety tests. An entire series of them. To his credit, though, he was drunk on a boat and did not have both business ends of a specialty dildo stuffed into two prostitutes.

Points for creativity, Eric. A run-of-the-mill DUI is nothing. You probably don’t even get called into Marvin Lewis’s office for that. Any idiot can get hammered and get behind the wheel of a car. But it takes a special kind of an idiot to pick up a BUI.

The race is on for the next Bengal to get their pilot’s license and pick up an FUI.

As noted on Deadspin yesterday, Emmitt Smith has signed on to appear on the next season of ABC’s nothing-to-do-with-reality show, “Dancing With the Stars.”

It just confuses me. This is a guy who could not have had a more solid reputation as a running back in the NFL. He played through pain, he picked up the tough yards, he was a leader, he managed to be a Dallas Cowboy in the early 1990s and not snort a mountain of cocaine before every start. And this is what it’s come to? He’s now the type of that that… that actually believes he can outdance Joey Lawrence? No fucking way, pal.

He really thinks he can outdance Joey Lawrence? WHOA! What an IDIOT. Is Emmitt Smith even familiar with “Nothin’ My Love Can’t Fix”? Check out the hip movement at about the 1:23 mark of this video (and then spend the next two hours trying to convince yourself you’re not gay). Emmitt Smith thinks he can hang with that hot swivel action? Please. Just please.

Brian Skinner, recently traded away from the Blazers, had some interesting words about the apathy among the players in the Blazers organization.

“It’s contagious, and it carried like wildfire throughout the whole team, even players that were really dedicated and really wanted to be there — just made it seem like it was for naught.”

“It’s everything, from the way you just sit down at the dinner table, to how you walk — you can just tell when a player (has) not really lost their passion but just lost their initiative to go out and try to win, and it just goes through everything. It goes through everything and completely destroys a team.”

“They come in with that ego, and sometimes you have to put them back in their place.”

Well, that’s not good. I fear for the future of LaMarcus Aldridge and Brandon Roy. You just can’t have this. I don’t know who’s responsible for this, because Skinner (quite unfortunately) doesn’t name names. But there’s no way I’m going to believe that Darius Miles, in particular, isn’t involved, and probably Zach Randolph, too.

Especially in the case of Miles, why haven’t they gotten rid of him? Trade him for a 2nd rounder, cut him if you have to. He’s not a good enough basketball player that you’ll regret letting him go. Zach Randolph may be. Darius Miles is not. He hasn’t gotten it yet, and he isn’t going to.

There are three mechanisms that a team should have to take care of something like this. One, a GM to get rid of them. Two, a coach who can either get through to them, or simply refuse to play them. And not just for a game, not just for a week, but permanently. And three, a leader on the team who will literally punch the offending parties in the face. The Blazers have failed on all three counts.

If what Skinner is saying is true, and there’s really no reason to believe that it isn’t, then there is no excuse for the Blazers to have let this go on as long as it has. It’s disgraceful.

There’s good news and bad news coming out of Denver for fantasy football players.

The good news: There’s a clear-cut #1 running back in Denver, for what seems like the first time since the Terrell Davis era. Mike Bell has been named the starter.

The bad news: Who the fuck is Mike Bell?

As it turns out, he’s an undrafted free agent out of Arizona. And if he’s able to beat out Tatum Bell that cleanly and that quickly, he must be something. And even if he’s not, the good news is that he’s a running back in Denver, which means you can pencil him in for about 140 yards a game, provided he doesn’t suffer some kind of paralysis. Instructing your linemen to dive at the opposition’s knees can be a very effective weapon.

Adjust your draft boards accordingly.

There are 27 players left in the main event of the World Series, and I’ve heard of two of them. And both of those guys fall into the “vague recognition” category. The current chip leader is a guy named Jamie Gold, a former Hollywood agent, and I’m sure ESPN’s just going to love that. Norman Chad will be set with hours and hours of cheap agent puns.

Another guy, David Einhorn (no relation to Lois), says he’s playing for charity. If he wins, he’s giving every dime of the $12 million grand prize to the Michael J. Fox foundation for Parkinson’s Disease. So that’s probably a pretty good guy to root for. Everyone else, much like I would, will probably blow it on hookers and blow. So I’m rooting for Einhorn. At least it would be if I still had any interest in it.

It’s nothing against the guys that are still playing; I’m sure they’re all fine players. But I just wanna watch guys I’ve heard of. I like watching Phil Hellmuth play poker (though I hate watching him do absolutely anything else, like hosting Celebrity Poker Showdown, for example), I like Daniel Negreanu, Johnn Chan, Gus Hansen, Phil Ivey, Erick Lindgren. I’d even settle for Dan Harrington. I just don’t see myself watching a whole lot of the WSOP on ESPN this year.

© Copyright . All Rights Reserved.